Book of D: Happy Godfathers Day Weekend

From the myriad of Star Wars movies and the indelible genre that is science fiction to The Godfather movies that defined crime fiction and gave rise to pulp fiction, this has been one heck of a way to spend the weekend. Each movie enveloped Joseph Campbell's idea of an archetypal hero in the realm of whatever the heck you want to call that realm. #HappyDadasDay, by the way, to the good dads!     

Book of D: The Stages of Grief (Dr. Kübler-Ross)

If I have learned anything from having lost so many loved ones, it's this: No one person's grief and pain is more than the next person's. I remember all the times I have lost a loved one and how awful it felt. The bouts of melancholia have often been too great to bear. 

The first major loss I personally experienced was my Dad's death. Losing my Dad on the first day of my junior year in high school was extremely traumatic. I only told a couple of friends when he died. He passed away on a Thursday night at the hospital. I was on the phone at 10:00 pm with a friend helping her with her homework when we were being contacted in vain. You see, we still only had rotary phones and call waiting was not available yet, so I was not aware that my poor Mom and sis were trying to let us know about Dad. His funeral was that very next Saturday. Mom had me return to school on Monday. I still remember the look I received from the respective teachers for each of the seven class periods when they had to sign off on my absence form; they were mostly shocked knowing I had lost my Dad and was already back to school, and I could tell they were also sad for me. It was too much, so I just kept the loss bottled up inside.

In May of 2000, when my dear nephew Philip died in a one-vehicle accident, it was gut-busting awful. The bouts of pain were too great, and I thought my world had ended. I had a wonderful career as a district manager for a national company that afforded me the ability to travel extensively. I was making excellent money. But, none of that mattered when Philip died. I can only imagine what my sis (Philip's Mom) was experiencing. I still remember the look on my sister's face and on my Mom's face when they returned from University Medical Center (UMC) in Lubbock. You see, my nephew had been airlifted from Scenic Mountain Medical Center (SMMC) in Big Spring to Lubbock, but it took a while for the arrangements because Philip had to be stabilized first. He was finally transported via a medical helicopter around 10 pm. They didn't get very far. According to the medical team, my Philip died of a massive heart attack because of a torn aorta. The heli was barely 20 minutes in the air when Philip's heart crashed, so they returned to SMMC; they never made it to Lubbock. In the meantime, my sister, her husband, my Mom, and Philip's only two sisters were en route to UMC to meet the heli. Upon arrival, they were given the heartbreaking news. They had to drive all the way back. Two hours of torture. We all gathered at the hospital to bid farewell to my beloved nephew. It's been 22 years now since we lost Philip. I know I still haven't gotten over it. I doubt my sis ever had. She's strong. Her faith is unwavering - like my Mom's faith was. I admire the heck out of them for that.

I was with my Mom when her terminal diagnosis was made on February 14, 2011. It was Valentine's Day, and I grew to hate that stupid holiday with a vengeance for a long time. My Mom's doctors were supposed to visit her in the room that morning at around 9 am. I spent the night in the hospital with Mom as I would always do. We were alarmed that morning when her team of doctors arrived at around 7:30 am. The news was not good. I remember the day before following the batch of tests the doctors performed on Mom and the one doctor telling me and my sister Josie, "I am afraid for Mama." I will forever remember his words. I guess with hindsight being 20/20, I was not as surprised to see the doctors show up so early. Deep down, I knew. I knew the news would be a huge setback and game changer for Mom and our entire family. Her diagnosis was esophageal cancer, stage 4. Mom had already been battling with several other health conditions, some were autoimmune, one was dermatomyositis; I will always blame dermatomyositis and the awful meds Mom had to take as the culprits for her cancer. The pain and torture of seeing Mom struggle with esophageal cancer and not being able to eat. She lost weight fast. It did not take long for her to require a feeding tube; that was a nightmare in and of itself. Mom opted out of treatment. I was so angry that she did that. I was angry at the world for such a long time. She was given nine months to live. On Thursday, November 17, 2011, Mom succumbed to issues related to esophageal cancer. She also died of a heart attack en route to the hospital in the ambulance. ALONE! I take comfort that maybe Dad and Philip were there to greet her and take her Home. I remember our last conversation the night before Mom died. It was special. I keep most of it to myself. The one thing that I share with others about our last conversation is this: I promised to return to college to get my degree.

During my return to college, I discovered a passion for the human computer. I had originally enrolled to major in computer science. I loved learning different computer languages, coding, creating websites, and algorithms, so I was happy. But, once I took my first psychology course, I was hooked. I was Jerry Maguire saying, "You had me at psych-101." I learned how to identify my feelings, how to process emotions, how to be more understanding of others. I fell in love with anything that dealt with death and dying and grief. I was hooked on the teachings of the one and only Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. I have learned a lot about myself and about others. How people mourn. How they grieve. Mostly, I have learned how to compartmentalize things so I can be there to help others.

Book of D: The Architecture of the Narcissistic Relationship: Gaslighting and Built Up Rage

People who are narcissistic tend to go off into a rage from provocations that most people would consider slight or nonexistent. There is a figurative whiplash brought on by the erratic behaviours of a narcissistic person.

They fool you so much and before you know it, they've managed to take you on a gaslighting journey: three steps forward, four steps back. Sadly, you end up focusing so much on the three steps forward that you end up failing to notice the four steps back. That is when the cognitive dissonance sends you into a spiral and unbeknownst to you, you've been gaslighted. The narcissitic person's personality is extremely complex. When in the presence of people they need to impress, they act so prim and proper and loving and caring. However, when you get them alone, and if they no longer feel the need to impress you, that's when you end up seeing them for who they really are: egomaniacal douchebags with overly inflated egos and a deep lack of empathy.

Narcissistic people need other people to give them consistent admiration and positive feedback. But a failure of such veneration can elicit underlying feelings of shame that trigger an instant angry response; this response is accompanied by lashing out without caring how it impacts those on the receiving end. The narcissistic person's thin skin and sensitivity is the root cause for rage due to a deep-seated fear of being "found out" for not being the person they portray themselves to be. 

Book of D: Furry Baby Seeking Its Human 'Rents

   

Book of D: Happy June Pride Month 2022

 

  

Book of D: A Day of Mourning Loved Ones

My brother-in-law Jabier (J) lost his last-living brother, Jesus (Chuy), today. I am so sad and sorry for my b-i-l. Jabier was born into a large family (11 siblings) and is the baby; something I can relate to being the youngest of my own family of six siblings (now five). It is a scary feeling to be the youngest with odds positing that you, as the baby, will outlive your parents and siblings. It is a burden that brings great despair and despondency. Anyway, with gratitude and privilege, I can say I met J's mom and dad, both whom have been deceased for a while, and all his brothers and sisters. His parents were very nice people. His mom always offered me something to snack on whenever I visited. His dad was quiet but welcoming. His siblings were all different but each one was funny and mindful. To date, my bro-in-law J has survived five brothers and three sisters. J is now the lone brother to two living sisters. 

It is sad how such a large family can dwindle to just a trio. My heart breaks for J. He is like a brother to me; he has been in my life so much more than my own blood brother was; my brother passed away last June (2021). J has been like a father to me, too. I had a wonderful father, but he passed away much too soon, so J, in essence, became a paternal role model for me. My bro-in-law took on many roles in our own family. He was a source of strength whenever our family needed him to be. He never asked to help, he just dove in and did whatever he could; often filling in any gaps left by sorrow, financial burden, or other life-hewn complications. J's ability to be there for others is stellar. I admire him very much. Watching him mourn another loved one, a sibling, is difficult. But, I will be there for J as much as I can; hopefully able to fill in any gaps without having to be asked to do so. Like J would do and has done for me and mine. Rest in peace, Jesus (Chuy) Hernandez.

Book of D: I Have A Lot to Say But Words Escape Me

It's been a lot. 

Without having to remind anyone of the issues plaguing our world recently, it just a lot! 

The sadness is often stifling but always maddening. It pisses me off to no avail!                                    

So much sorrow, but not enough empathy. 

So many excuses but not enough change for the betterment of the whole. 

Individualistic views supersede familial mores. 

It's a fucking madhouse, and nothing is copacetic. 

I don't dare hold my breath for when things will ever matter.

Book of D: Broken Hearts in Uvalde, TX - Forget "Thoughts and Prayers" - We Need "Policy and Change"

I was prepared to write about tonight’s final episode of “This Is Us,” but the shootings in Uvalde, Texas superseded everything I had hoped to say about the wonderful television series. Instead, I find myself mired in ambiguity and angst. I find myself talking about more needless deaths because of bad policymaking. Those fucking “thoughts and prayers” comments are a cacophony of bullshit cited by heartless, sycophantic politicians who would rather protect the 2^nd amendment than the lives of their constituents by continuing to ignore “policy and change” regarding gun control. It’s freaking madness. The GOP is lame and hellbent on telling children which books they can read, which bathrooms they can use, and which pronouns they can chose instead of protecting them - literally, from guns.

The GOP has a long history of shamelessly trying to convince people that something very sinister is transpiring, and that only the Republicans can save them. OMG. The audacity of these old WASPS. No wonder the younger gens are turning against the “grand old party”: the GOP is nothing but a bunch of old, vile, Jim Crow-loving, racist, angry, scared boys. They would rather take away a woman’s right to choose than to enact sound gun laws. Look, no one wants to take away anyone’s right to bear arms, the thing is that no one needs to have a stockpile of guns, even if it is protected by the 2^nd Amendment, because some right-wing nuts are supposedly scared of the very government they want to control and overthrow. . . remember the Capitol insurrection of January 6, 2021 (rhet.). Unsettling as it is, the research shows that white men are stockpiling guns mostly because they're anxious about their ability to protect their families, insecure about their place in the job market, and beset by racial fears. Moreover, people stockpile because they’re mounting some sort of resistance while others get a sordid rise out of a finely tuned machine that can pierce a distant target, cut down an animal or intruder with a single precise shot. For many, it is a bully’s toy of black plastic and metal that delivers a gratifying blast of adrenaline while delivering an imprudent embodiment of an antiquated Americana. 

Book of D: YT Influencers - Don't Throw Shade at Hard Work & Job Application Etiquette

I follow several YouTubers. It's the current nature of the beast, is it not, to be influenced by YT. It's not your grandmother's YouTube anymore, y'all. Anyway, this particular YT influencer (Shawn Spencer of Spencer Lawn Care) reminded me of something: don’t throw shade at those who work hard and are able to afford nice things in life. The YT influencer mentioned how some of his viewers have made snide comments about the stuff he and his wife Savanaha buy. The viewers have said things like “you buy a lot of stuff other people can't even afford a house.” 

It made me do an eyeroll, but it sounds about right these days when some people are too quick to make negative comments and assume that people with nice things didn’t work their butts off to afford such things. The Spencer wife-husband duo have worked hard for what they have. I have been watching their YT channel for years. I wish they lived in Midland, Tx, and I would def hire them to take care of my lawn. I love the Grounds Guys who currently handle our lawn care, but if the Spencer's were here instead of in Canton, OH, I would fire the GG and hire SLC. Anyheooow, I have had people make smarmy comments about what my spouse and I have or what we can afford to do and what great jobs we have. We've had our ups and downs, but like I told the YT influencer, it is no one's business. 

BTW, this YTuber (Shawn) also mentioned how some people don't pay attention to or care about how their job applications / resumes look when applying for a job. I also commented on that. I don't look down on people who lack the skills to properly create and format a resume or those who lack the skills to fill out an application. Good grammar does not a good, hard worker make. The disconcerting thing is that there are tons of free resources available to help job hunters with resume writing and filling out applications, but they just don't use them. It's so sad, too.

I commented the following on Spencer's YT channel, “As a person who works in higher education, it is perplexing to me how people are not more mindful when applying for a job. Regardless of the type of job, a person really should take more care about submitting a resume and such. We have had a few applicants, mostly for student-worker positions at the university I work for, who submitted applications that looked like they were students in grade school (SMDH). Anyway, good job reminding others how hard you and TQ work for what you guys have; honestly, it's no one's biz what y'all can afford to buy and such, but good going explaining that you haven't always had it easy. BTW, I def believe in karma and reaping what one sows. My late Mom always told us that no one leaves this good earth without paying for their sins. He is always watching. Keep mowing, keep growing ... you know the rest.”