Book of Caty: Life Is Good Until It Isn't

Book of D: Onomatopoeia

The pfft one hears when listening to the GOP justify their precarious and often dangerous agenda. L😊L. I just wanted to use the word "onomatopoeia" because it is my favorite one in the English language – right after the word magnanimous. There's just way too much to say about the maltreatment of women and children at the hands of the "repukes," so I'll leave that discussion for another day – or for my political blog! Today is Friday and Ima celebrate FriYAY! ANYWAY . . . enjoy my cartoon compilation. 

Book of D: The Weird Feels and Dreams

Dreams are so weird, but there are answers as to why a person dreams certain things or about certain people. One reason could be boredom, and another one could be not feeling accomplished (another take on boredom. lol). Take today for instance, it is a slow day. We just came off a 3-day holiday weekend, and today is slow-going at work. As for counseling, it is slow, too, since I gave my clients and myself the day off yesterday. I haven't really been as productive as I normally would like to be. I am feeling a little off my game, per se. I do not have that once-a-month empty sensation that creeps into the pit of my belly (a.k.a., "dark days"), but it feels like it could break toward that course at any moment. Ughhh!

I had the weirdest dream last night about my ex and her mom's funeral. The weird thing is that my ex's brother told me that their mother was cremated when she died last month, so having an actual funeral take place for their mom in my dream is what makes it so weird. As for the dream, I showed up to the funeral despite being advised not to. I was greeted in a nice way by my ex. She was genuinely happy to see me as was I to see her. She had me sit next to her in the funeral parlor where her brothers and immediate family members were. My ex and I had a nice conversation. I don't remember it all, but I just had this nice feeling that we had had a nice talk  – you know. I drove to the cemetery alone in the dream. Several of us got lost on the way to the gravesite. We all stopped at the top of this eerily looking hill with a culvert on either side; we had apparently been on the meandering road for several minutes before I decided to stop and get directions. It felt like we were in a Stephen King novel for a while except we were in San Antonio instead of in Castle Rock. Lol. . I called 4-1-1 to locate the funeral home and eventually found out where the graveside service would be held, so we all got into our respective cars and drove back to the entrance of the cemetery where the service was being held behind this tall, wooden fence (it reminded me of my ex's parent's backyard). The graveside service had just started as I arrived. I sat a few rows behind my ex and her brothers. I saw my ex sitting across her mom's casket, and she was crying as I had never seen before. She was inconsolable. It broke my heart. I saw her husband sitting next to her, and he was holding on to her hand really tightly and hugging her; he was weeping hard, too. I got a huge amount of relief from seeing that. I was glad that my ex had someone to rely on for comfort. As the service ended, I introduced myself to her husband, and he seemed happy to finally meet me. He shook my hand and smiled, and my ex grabbed my other hand and held on to it for a long time before thanking me for being there and ignoring her advice to stay away. We all ended up meeting at some location to fellowship and eat, but mostly to celebrate my ex's mom's life. I woke up not long after that. I was not perturbed by the dream at all. It made me happy. I wanted to write it down, but life and work found a way to interrupt the flow, so here I am writing it all down some 10 hours later.

I love reading, writing, and doing research, so naturally, I looked up information about dreams. I found a few articles here and there, but the one that interested me the most was by Moss and Fellizar who wrote What Do Dreams About Your Ex Mean?, Bustle magazine (2020). Moss and Fellizar said that dreaming about an  ex's parent could mean several things, one of their interpretations: "An ex's mother making a cameo in a dream can mean that you may still have some 'unresolved issues' with your former love" (2020).

Hmmm . . . that kind of does make sense because as an unresolved issue, I have been wanting to reach out to my ex, as a friend – not as an ex – to extend my sincere condolences on the loss of her mom. She lost her dad last year, and as much as I wanted to reach out to her then, I decided it was best to leave her alone to mourn as she needed to sans any disturbance that my correspondence might have had on her. Now that her mom has died, I still want to reach out after I give my ex some time to mourn that loss, too. Her mom and I had a nice friendship and she meant quite a lot to me. Her mom helped me out several times in a myriad of ways, she was like a parent to me. I, too, have felt the loss of my ex's parents in a heavy manner. Not like having lost my own parents, but in an uncanny fashion of sorts. Anyway, if the weirdness and the feels are due to not feeling accomplished or because I am subconsciously carrying around "unresolved issues," it is probably time I do something about it. 

Book of D: Promotions - Division of Student Affairs and Leadership (DSAL)

 I 💙 working with my DSAL family!

Note from our VP: Dear colleagues,  I’m writing today to share some updates to our staffing across the Division of Student Affairs and Leadership. We are a large division on campus and there are often changes to how we are organized best to do our work and serve students. * Elizabeth Swenton, who previously served as Administrative Assistant for the Office of the Dean of Students, is now an Academic Advisor. *Ashley Brookshire, who previously served Mail Clerk for Residence Life and Dining Services, is now the Administrative Assistant for the Office of the Dean of Students. Ashley will provide administrative support to the University Wellness Center, Center for Students in Recovery, Center for Student Belonging and Inclusion, Student Transportation Services, the Office of the Dean of Students, and the BIT/CARE teams. 

* Mattie Cottrell, who currently serves as Associate Director of Residence Life, will transition to a new role as Associate Director of Student Life, effective September 1. In his new role, Mattie will supervise the operations of campus recreation programs, spirit team coaches (Cheer, Mascot, Dance, and Ballet Folklorico), and assume responsibility for E-Sports. * Jake Wallace has been promoted to Assistant Director of Student Life for Campus Recreation. * Stephanie Vasquez, Administrative Assistant in the Office of Residence Life and Dining Services, will assume responsibility for operations of the student housing mailroom. * Dora Dominguez-Carey, Program Coordinator for Student Health and Wellness Promotion, will now assist with the Student Health Insurance Program and Medical Services. * Corey Benson has been named Assistant Vice President for Student Affairs and Dean of Students/Deputy Title IX Coordinator. * Earlier this month, we welcomed Stephanie Griffin as Program Coordinator for the Center for Student Belonging and Inclusion. Stephanie will work with our International Student Services, Former Foster Youth, and Financial Literacy/Student Money Management programs. Stephanie has an M.B.A. from Webster University and a B.S.B.A. from the University of Missouri-St. Louis. * This summer, we also welcomed John Jimenez as Program Coordinator for Military and Student Veterans Services. For the past seven and half years, John has served as a financial aid officer in the Office of Financial Aid and Scholarships. In his new role, John will coordinate programs and services in support of student veterans and military-affiliated students. He will also process veterans and dependent benefits, including Hazelwood benefits, which were previously administered by Financial Aid. * Lastly, Kate Williamson, Executive Director of the Shepperd Leadership Institute is leaving for a position in MISD. Her last day will be July 13. Please join me in thanking Kate for her work. 

Warmly, Becky 

 Becky Spurlock, Ph.D. 

 Pronouns: she/her/hers 

 Vice President for Student Affairs and Leadership 

 The University of Texas Permian Basin 

 Mesa Bldg. 4274, 4901 E. University, Odessa, TX 79762 

 P: 432-552-2600 E: spurlock_b@utpb.edu 

 Student Affairs on Campus Journal Editorial Board

Book of D: Responding to Ms. Mayim Bialik

... You said what I've been feeling but have been unable to say because it still stings and feels so darn unreal. We're at the pinnacle of inventing so many amazing things in this cent, yet, the views of the GOP remain so antiquated and their beliefs are more steeped in anger and revenge that they fail to acknowledge that all people, including women, have inherent and inalienable rights to equal rights and protection as written in the constitution. You know, the constitution they hide behind when they ignore enacting good, sound gun laws but use to justify the maltreatment of womens' rights. I could go on and on, but honestly, I'm so freaking tired. But, I'll rest and recuperate and start some #GoodTrouble.

Book of D: Happy Godfathers Day Weekend

From the myriad of Star Wars movies and the indelible genre that is science fiction to The Godfather movies that defined crime fiction and gave rise to pulp fiction, this has been one heck of a way to spend the weekend. Each movie enveloped Joseph Campbell's idea of an archetypal hero in the realm of whatever the heck you want to call that realm. #HappyDadasDay, by the way, to the good dads!     

Book of D: The Stages of Grief (Dr. Kübler-Ross)

If I have learned anything from having lost so many loved ones, it's this: No one person's grief and pain is more than the next person's. I remember all the times I have lost a loved one and how awful it felt. The bouts of melancholia have often been too great to bear. 

The first major loss I personally experienced was my Dad's death. Losing my Dad on the first day of my junior year in high school was extremely traumatic. I only told a couple of friends when he died. He passed away on a Thursday night at the hospital. I was on the phone at 10:00 pm with a friend helping her with her homework when we were being contacted in vain. You see, we still only had rotary phones and call waiting was not available yet, so I was not aware that my poor Mom and sis were trying to let us know about Dad. His funeral was that very next Saturday. Mom had me return to school on Monday. I still remember the look I received from the respective teachers for each of the seven class periods when they had to sign off on my absence form; they were mostly shocked knowing I had lost my Dad and was already back to school, and I could tell they were also sad for me. It was too much, so I just kept the loss bottled up inside.

In May of 2000, when my dear nephew Philip died in a one-vehicle accident, it was gut-busting awful. The bouts of pain were too great, and I thought my world had ended. I had a wonderful career as a district manager for a national company that afforded me the ability to travel extensively. I was making excellent money. But, none of that mattered when Philip died. I can only imagine what my sis (Philip's Mom) was experiencing. I still remember the look on my sister's face and on my Mom's face when they returned from University Medical Center (UMC) in Lubbock. You see, my nephew had been airlifted from Scenic Mountain Medical Center (SMMC) in Big Spring to Lubbock, but it took a while for the arrangements because Philip had to be stabilized first. He was finally transported via a medical helicopter around 10 pm. They didn't get very far. According to the medical team, my Philip died of a massive heart attack because of a torn aorta. The heli was barely 20 minutes in the air when Philip's heart crashed, so they returned to SMMC; they never made it to Lubbock. In the meantime, my sister, her husband, my Mom, and Philip's only two sisters were en route to UMC to meet the heli. Upon arrival, they were given the heartbreaking news. They had to drive all the way back. Two hours of torture. We all gathered at the hospital to bid farewell to my beloved nephew. It's been 22 years now since we lost Philip. I know I still haven't gotten over it. I doubt my sis ever had. She's strong. Her faith is unwavering - like my Mom's faith was. I admire the heck out of them for that.

I was with my Mom when her terminal diagnosis was made on February 14, 2011. It was Valentine's Day, and I grew to hate that stupid holiday with a vengeance for a long time. My Mom's doctors were supposed to visit her in the room that morning at around 9 am. I spent the night in the hospital with Mom as I would always do. We were alarmed that morning when her team of doctors arrived at around 7:30 am. The news was not good. I remember the day before following the batch of tests the doctors performed on Mom and the one doctor telling me and my sister Josie, "I am afraid for Mama." I will forever remember his words. I guess with hindsight being 20/20, I was not as surprised to see the doctors show up so early. Deep down, I knew. I knew the news would be a huge setback and game changer for Mom and our entire family. Her diagnosis was esophageal cancer, stage 4. Mom had already been battling with several other health conditions, some were autoimmune, one was dermatomyositis; I will always blame dermatomyositis and the awful meds Mom had to take as the culprits for her cancer. The pain and torture of seeing Mom struggle with esophageal cancer and not being able to eat. She lost weight fast. It did not take long for her to require a feeding tube; that was a nightmare in and of itself. Mom opted out of treatment. I was so angry that she did that. I was angry at the world for such a long time. She was given nine months to live. On Thursday, November 17, 2011, Mom succumbed to issues related to esophageal cancer. She also died of a heart attack en route to the hospital in the ambulance. ALONE! I take comfort that maybe Dad and Philip were there to greet her and take her Home. I remember our last conversation the night before Mom died. It was special. I keep most of it to myself. The one thing that I share with others about our last conversation is this: I promised to return to college to get my degree.

During my return to college, I discovered a passion for the human computer. I had originally enrolled to major in computer science. I loved learning different computer languages, coding, creating websites, and algorithms, so I was happy. But, once I took my first psychology course, I was hooked. I was Jerry Maguire saying, "You had me at psych-101." I learned how to identify my feelings, how to process emotions, how to be more understanding of others. I fell in love with anything that dealt with death and dying and grief. I was hooked on the teachings of the one and only Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. I have learned a lot about myself and about others. How people mourn. How they grieve. Mostly, I have learned how to compartmentalize things so I can be there to help others.

Book of D: The Architecture of the Narcissistic Relationship: Gaslighting and Built Up Rage

People who are narcissistic tend to go off into a rage from provocations that most people would consider slight or nonexistent. There is a figurative whiplash brought on by the erratic behaviours of a narcissistic person.

They fool you so much and before you know it, they've managed to take you on a gaslighting journey: three steps forward, four steps back. Sadly, you end up focusing so much on the three steps forward that you end up failing to notice the four steps back. That is when the cognitive dissonance sends you into a spiral and unbeknownst to you, you've been gaslighted. The narcissitic person's personality is extremely complex. When in the presence of people they need to impress, they act so prim and proper and loving and caring. However, when you get them alone, and if they no longer feel the need to impress you, that's when you end up seeing them for who they really are: egomaniacal douchebags with overly inflated egos and a deep lack of empathy.

Narcissistic people need other people to give them consistent admiration and positive feedback. But a failure of such veneration can elicit underlying feelings of shame that trigger an instant angry response; this response is accompanied by lashing out without caring how it impacts those on the receiving end. The narcissistic person's thin skin and sensitivity is the root cause for rage due to a deep-seated fear of being "found out" for not being the person they portray themselves to be. 

Book of D: Furry Baby Seeking Its Human 'Rents