Book of D: Who Needs "That"

Several years ago, my English 1302 professor (Mr. E.) and I were working late at the MC English Language Hub; we were helping students with basic grammar skills. Some students were having issues with formatting essays (MLA, APA, Chicago, etc.), writing styles (persuasive, narrative, expository, and descriptive), creating a thesis . . . yada, yada, yada. As the night progressed, my professor and I grew tired and weary from the many students in queue for help. We took a break to munch on the different types of pizza his wife, also an English professor, had ordered for the staff and faculty. Mr. E and I laughed at something someone else said, and we started talking about how people use certains words way too much and incorrectly. One of those being the word that.

If I remember correctly, the topic stemmed from something written by the one and only Purdue Owl. First, it’s important to know when that is really needed in a sentence. This word frequently attaches dependent clauses to independent clauses, and it is strictly necessary if a clause begins with certain subordinating conjunctions, such as before, while and in addition to. That also should be used before clauses that clarify a noun. I know, it sounds dull, monotonous, and perhaps even elitist, but bear with me as I explain in layman's terms. The word that is kind of disruptive if not used properly. It is a chalkboard scrtach to several of us - kind of like those of us who love the use of the Oxford comma. Using that incorrectly is not a violation of the many grammatical rules, but it really does make for a well-written essay and such if used properly (sparingly and lovingly, too😉). For instance, if you say, "John was talking about the truck that he had just bought,' then you are using the word that where it is not needed. Reread the sentence without that, "John was talking about the truck he had just bought." If the word that does have to be used, it would be because of a sentence like this one, "The idea that John would be talking about his truck was funny." If you omit the word that in the same sentence, the syntax and meaning are disrupted, "The idea John would be talking about his truck was funny." See how awkward the latter sentence sounded without the word that. Whew, I am tired again like I was that night Mr. E. and I ate pizza like weary little workers while nerdishly talking about one simple, little word. Lol. Words are beautiful, and they really do matter. WORD!!!

Book of D: ATX Bound

Today, I accompanied my spouse Stevie and her employee Holly to Austin. The ostentacious capitol of Texas. Yeah, buddy! Stevie is the supervisor for her West Texas DPS Field Operations division. She just hired a new field inspector for the Midland area, so the trip to ATX today was mostly for business. Stevie had to make the long drive (4.5 hours) to pick up a new Dell Latitude hybrid tablet / laptop for the new hire, so I was asked if I wanted to accompany her, which I did. I put in for a half day of vacay to go with her. UT System universities only work four hours on Fridays, so I would only need to ask for four hours of vacation via PeopleSoft. Anyway, Holly, who is Stevie's San Angelo field inspector, found out about the trip and asked if she could go with us, so we picked her up along the way. I like Holly. She reminds me a lot of myself at her age (33). She is part of the "rainbow family," which endears her even more to me and my spouse. We had a really great time on the drive to Austin. Holly and I had already met a few times, but today's trip afforded us three the ability to really get to know each other. We all share the same love of movies, books, music, etc., which was refreshing for a person of her age to be so well versed on so many mediums of entertainment, per se. Holly has an old soul. Upon arriving in ATX, we had lunch at the Pinthouse Pizza location on South Lamar. Since I was not on call for work, I was the only one able to order spirits, so I went with the delicious Roasty Bearded Seal Dry Irish Stout. Another patron and I agreed with the respective beer's review by Beer & Brewing, which stated, [it had] "earthy hops" . . .  with "a light acidic tang and grainy astringency." After a wonderful lunch and more banter, we drove to the DPS headquarters on N. Lamar so Stevie could pick up the Dell hybrid and other items. We then headed to the Texas Department of Public Safety Officers Association (DPSOA) on Airport Blvd; Holly wanted to buy gifts for her mom and new gf. We drove around and caught up with the Austin City Limits (ACL) Music Festival 2022. There were a lot of vendors getting ready for that respective night's line-up. A lot of people were making their way to the festival, so the traffic was worse than usual in Austin. The three of us just people-watched, laughed at the funny things people were doing, and we just took in the scenery and settings (like the mise en scène). We thought about things to do that day, so I suggested we visit the UT campus. I have been to the campus (different locations and buildings) several times throughout my tenure at UTPB for business meetings and as a member of the UT System Student Advisory Council. Stevie and Holly acquiesced to visiting UT although we are all Ŧexas Ŧech fans. Lol. I called a UT System colleague who is the director for the UT Longhorn Wellness Center, and she was glad to have us visit, so the plans to visit ensued. The day turned out well. We just wanted to have a good time, which we did, by letting spontaneity lead the way.

 

Book of D: SMART Recovery Facilitator

I am so freaking excited: our University is getting prepped to start SMART Recovery meetings for our student population. For those who are not familiar with SMART Recovery, it is similar yet strongly dissimilar to the 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA). SMART, which stands for Self-Management and Recovery Training is a recovery program that was founded in 1994. The three significant variances between SMART Recovery and 12-step programs: 1) SMART Recovery is not religious or spiritual based like AA and other 12-step programs 2) SMART Recovery does not have sponsors or a buddy-system like AA and other 12-step programs 3) SMART Recovery focuses on a locus of control unlike AA and other 12-step programs. 

I became a SMART Recovery facilitator last April (2021); our U paid for several of us to get certified; however, I believe I was the only one who completed it. This semester, three more staff members were given the opportunity to become facilitators; one has completed it. The training is lengthy and arduous but so worth it. I am a strong proponent of SMART Recovery over the other 12-step programs for a myriad of reasons. I have written about SMART before and explained how it is evidence-based and scientifically proven, but I have not fully revealed why I prefer SMART to the others. For one, I am a recovering addict. My drug of choice was cocaine. When I started using, I was twenty three years old, newly married to someone I was not in love with, living in a big city, making friends with people who were rich and spoiled; clearly, I was lonely and easy prey. I remember leaving my marriage (for reasons I will talk about at a later time) and the many wonderful friends who helped me out during that ominous time in my life. One friend in particular helped me realize how bad my habit was, and I was fortunate to kick-the-habit, per se, cold-turkey. But it would have been great if I had had a program like SMART to help me understand why I was using coke and such. I would have benefitted so much from SMART in that it does not make a person admit that his addiction is due to a loss of power over the drug. I would have especially benefitted by the fact that SMART does not make members seek help from a higher power through prayer or meditation. I was brought up a catholic, so my guilt was raw and ripe for being convinced that praying to a higher power would bring resolve. A program like NA would have walked all over my ignorant self because back then, I did not question the damn dogma as much as older, mature, and educated moi does these days. My ultimate love of SMART is that it gives the person the power to change things and the ability to decide if addicition is a disease and how moderate it is - to him/her. 

Locus of control: whether a person sees his recovery as one that should be guided from within, or by an external higher power.  Further, locus of control is the degree to which people believe that they, as opposed to external forces, have control over the outcome of events in their lives. The concept was developed by Julian B. Rotter in 1954, and has since become an aspect of personality psychology.

Book of D: The Rosie O'Donnell Effect is Worth Two in the Bush

So, I was at a crossroads regarding what to write about today, and I decided to google topics to write about. I was even going to summon Julia Cameron's "Morning Pages" if need be. lol. I decided to write about this morning's episode on Howard Stern's show via Sirius XM; it was a rerun interview he did with Rosie O'Donnell in early September 2022. O'Donnell spoke about the multi-million dollar deal she had made with a premium entertainment cable conglomerate. O'Donnell explained how she fought for the same type of deal (first royalties) that Oprah Winfrey had asked for of the same conglomerate, which ended up garnering O'Donnell around 27 million dollars. O'Donnell went on to tell Stern that with all the money she has earned in her career, she is done with worrying about making more money. She added that she is completely satisfied with how much she has made and is content to just enjoy her life knowing she has enough money to live out her life in a comfortable manner.

The O'Donnell Effect to me is simple: make enough money to enjoy life and time with loved ones. I added the "is worth two in the bush" in the title because often, as the idiom suggests, humans are plagued by wanting more and are willing to risk losing the certainty they already possess. The toiling of inequities.

I replayed in my head what O'Donnell said about having enough money, and I thought to myself how sublime it must feel to never have to worry about money or taking care of your loved ones and yourself. Sadly, in this life, money is needed for almost everything. Unfortunately, most people don't come into a lot of money until someone they love passes away. Terrible, right?!! I have known people who lost a loved one, and they ended up with a nice monetary settlement via a lawsuit or life insurance claim, but the money changed things for them - and not for the better. Of course the money did not make up for the loved one they lost, but it helped them in some sort of crude manner. I say "crude" because it was somewhat offensive to me to see them enjoying life immediately after receiving the money. I silently refer to it as a sellout. But, what do I know. I never received a huge payout of this kind, and I never want to receive such a thing - for it would mean that someone I dearly loved had died. So karma, please hear me when I say that I don't want such a settlement. I would, however, welcome the kind of payout that O'Donnell's career has earned her. Although I am not a huge fan of O'Donnell's, I will say that I do respect her hard work and ability to remain steadfast and significant in Hollywood. On a sidebar, I must add that Hollywood is a cesspool of barracudas, bottom-feeders, and pimps, so I am not willing to earn money being part of that exclusive crowd. lol. Wake-up, D, you're in no danger of being a Hollywood elitist. In the end, I truly believe one does not have to be filthy rich to assemble a nice life for oneself.

Book of D: Familial Expectations Vs Accountability

This weekend, we went to Lubbock to spend time with my lovely wife's family. Her birthday was in early October, so the Lbbk family was anxious to see her. They had gifts and other surprises. My wife loves Italian cuisine, so her sis Angel took all of us for a nice meal at the Italian Garden in downtown Lbbk; not far from the Hub City's sector, Raider Alley, where the Ŧexas Ŧech pre-football game festivities occur. We had a fabulous time. We reminisced and caught up on the goings-on of different family members. The restaurant was good, the ambiance was nice, and the food and drinks were delightful. My wife and I had the chicken marsala (never to be confused with the yummy Indian chicken masala. lol), and although we liked the restaurant's rendition, it still wasn't better than my homemade chicken marsala. Word. 

Anyway, my uncle's 19-year-old son Isaac was mentioned. Isaac and his 22-year-old girlfriend Destiny just had a baby girl. My uncle said he had recently purchased clothes for the baby because Destiny's family didn't seem interested in the baby's birth never mind interest in buying the baby anything. My uncle's third wife, our forever aunt 😁, said it wasn't right that Destiny's family wasn't buying things the couple might need for the baby. Mount Vesuvius imploded (not exploded 😉) within me, but I kept mum - not wanting to ruin the outing and pleasantries - as I clearly disagreed that the young lady's family was obligated to buy anything. Our 22-year-old niece is just starting her senior year at Texas Tech, so I changed gears and asked her about her collegiate career. The conversation then made a nice turn toward a brighter topic ... that is ... until we went back to my uncle's home. 

The topic of Isaac's future in-laws came back up and how they should be ashamed of not buying the baby anything. Well, I decided I wasn't willing to prevent another Pompeiian event and stated my opinion about accountability. I've said before on this very blog that I am a firm believer in Rogerian, CBT, and REBT; these theories posit that a person not blame others for his negative life and instead take the bull by the horns to fix whatever needs to be fixed in his life. The theories also state that humans stop telling themselves negative and irrational stories. For instance, if a person had a crappy childhood, he cannot control what already occurred, but he can control what happens in his present and future life. Another example is a person thinking that he is not loved because he is not showered with materialistic items. My views mandated, in a way, that I speak up and tell my uncle, aunt, and the others that it was the young couple who decided to have the baby; therefore, no one else is obligated to help them out financially, my wife agreed. My wife and I were on a roll contra debating our pibling's anachronous views via a sensical diatribe. 

I added that it was nice that my uncle bought items for the baby, but it was his decision to do so, and it should in no way force the baby's maternal family into doing the same. Maybe Destiny's family can't afford it, but whatever the reason, her family shouldn't feel coerced into financially supporting or gifting things to anyone. I went on to say that when people do things, they really should be prepared for everything that might come their way - that includes bringing a baby into this world. I reminded them about the Mexican folktale: the bucket of Mexican crabs. I added that the antiquated ways of thinking are what keeps our people from moving forward in life: they fail to prepare fully for life and expect others to save them when things get tough. In other words, just like the crabs in the bucket that keep the other crabs from moving up, our people are doing the same each time they comment that they are owed anything or that others owe anyone else something. Hey, paying-it-forward is high on my list of priorities, but it is as such because I choose to make it important; not because it is expected of me. I am doing well in life (knock wood), and I want to spread the wealth - on my own time and terms. 

My parents taught me to work hard, save money, help others because I could and wanted to, save money for the hard times, but never to expect others to do anything for me. That's CBT and REBT in a nutshell, folks. My parents were ahead of their times. 

Anyway, I ended my stance by saying that it's nice to help others but that we should to do so mindfully because we want to and not because it's a requirement set forth by anyone else. 😡

Book of D: Happy Indigenous Peoples' Day

   

I think my OCD kicked in and made me exhibit some serious dyslexia in the titles of my respective vids. LOL. 😂

Book of D: What About My Career

Often times, I get asked how I like my job. I usually answer in some exclamatory fashion: "I love my job!" I don't get asked too often what my job entails. My family just knows that I am a coordinator of health and wellness promotion. Usually they say I work helping students with mental health issues. LOL. That's kind of true, but it's not all I do. My colleagues are also perplexed by what my career at the U covers. They just know that I am the "favorite employee" of our Associate Vice President for Student Services (AVPSS). I'm not sure how I really feel about that because our AVPSS usually doesn't hide the fact that I am his favorite, and it makes me feel awkward, and I just don't like having that kind of attention - especially the kind of attention that could mar how my job performance is viewed by those whom we should talk about (Harry Potter)😏. My colleagues have on occasion had me reach out to our AVPSS because I'm his favorite, but honestly, I don't buy it. And, I do not refrain from telling my cohorts that "most of the time, it doesn't feel like I'm his favorite." That's the pure and simple truth.

First and foremost, my current job title at the U necessitates that I have a master's degree. I was granted the opportunity to do the job back when I started the clinical mental health counseling grad program, so I am glad that obtaining a master's degree is checked off. Now I can focus on what I was brought over to Student Affairs (moreover the Dean of Students) from Student Success to do. 

I facilitate four major programs: BASICS / CASICS, Tobacco Use Cessation, Bystander Intervention, and Students in Recovery. The last one is my absolute favorite. As a person in recovery, I fully appreciate university-sponsored programs that support students trying to overcome any setbacks. Our University's mission statement is: The Center for Students in Recovery provides a supportive community where students in recovery and in hope of recovery can achieve academic success while enjoying a genuine college  experience free from alcohol and other drugs. 

Our AVPSS made it possible for me (and a couple of other staff members and student workers) to get SMART Recovery trained last year. I am proud to be an official SMART Recovery facilitator. The program itself is an evidence-based program, and it has helped thousands of people in need of recovery support by way of the SMART Recovery Four Points (not steps). The program refrains from being religious or a 12-step type of treatment program, which makes it better for those who are not religious or just want their first amendment rights (freedom from religion) to be observed. It makes it nice for facilitators like myself who are more spiritual. The main keys to SMART Recovery include non-confrontational communication strategies, the implementation of healthy boundaries, and the use of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT), and motivational enhancement therapy (MET). My favorite is REBT by Robert Ellis. This was my go-to form of therapy with my counseling clients. I am certain I will keep using it a lot throughout the Recovery project. 

As for BASICS & CASICS, the respective acronyms mean Brief Alcohol Screening and Intervention for College Students & Cannabis Screening and Intervention for College Students. BASICS is a harm-reduction intervention for college students. For example, UTPB students who have an alcohol violation on or off campus, or an alcohol-related visit to the emergency department at the University-approved medical center are required by the University to complete the BASICS program administered by Health Promotion and Wellness. Students who do not have a violation but who are interested in learning more about alcohol are also encouraged to use the confidential service free of charge. CASICS is is a program designed to assist students in examining their cannabis other drug-use behavior in a judgment-free environment. This is not an abstinence-only program.

Tobacco Use Cessation helps students, faculty, and staff decrease their tobacco habits to eventually stop smoking altogether. Our campus is 100% smoke-free campus (it is illegal to smoke in the parking lot).

As for Bystander Intervention, per our University's mission statement, ". . . is recognizing a potentially harmful situation or interaction and choosing to respond in a way that could positively influence the outcome." This program is also important to me as a survivor of domestic abuse and violence. We partner with the local agencies that provide aid, support, and resources to people in dangerous situations. We collaborate with the agencies to recognize October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM). I also create and facilitate University Bystander Intervention presentations to new students, transfer students, student organizations, athletics, resident advisors, staff, and faculty through guidance and awareness of how to prevent and de-escalate potentially violent incidents through the willingness to take action and help someone in time of need because, often, domestic and sexual violence is preventable.

Book of D: Venting with a Purpose

"Hell, I don't even know anymore. It's good one day and bad the next day. Actually, the feelings change from one minute to the next. One coworker bitches and complains about the boss not treating him right, then the next minute, the same coworker is being an ass kisser with the same boss he claims was treating him like a little kid and a punk. I don't get paid enough to deal with all this bullshit. What in the fuck should I do?"

So, you'll notice the above paragraph is in quotations. It was a message sent to me, right before I went to lunch, by someone I know from another "System" school. He had some serious venting to do. 

I knew we had issues at my U, but the issues here fail in comparison to the shit-show going on with my neighbors to the east. This is one time I don't mind saying, "we're not number one!" LOL. I know we have a few issues at my U, but really, it is no different than what most people encounter at any other place of employment. The work culture here is actually really good. I have never felt mistreated because of my gender, political affiliation, sexual preference, or by way of the other illegal discriminatory biases. It's a pretty safe campus, mentally- and physically-speaking. My colleagues are all extremely knowledgeable in their respective fields, which bodes well whenever we have to collaborate and do group events and activities. As for the person who sent me the message regarding his workplace, I did not respond. I believe I will sit on this for a while and think about how or if I will send a response. In reality, it was kind of sophomoric and oblivious of him to send it. For one, he doesn't know if I am trustworthy; I could have forwarded his message to his boss, whom I am quite familiar with and fond of. But, I won't do such a catty thing; spite is never right. Oh, look . . .  that rhymed. LOL. When I was younger and worked in retail (from hell), I shamefully loved gossip and rumors. I ran my rumor mill like there was no tomorrow. Man, that mill ran like clackety-clack-clack, 24/7. Either I was bored as hell, or I hung around the wrong people. No LOL. As I've matured, I have come to realize that drama is nothing but coagulated low self-esteem - and it's nonsensical. It does no one any good to spread rumors or create unheeded drama. This person is too old for drama. If I want to see drama, I'll go to a Shakespearean play. Which reminds me, we just saw "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum" (😆 mandatory tangent). All I know right now is that I am happy sans the dramarama and refuse to get sucked into any of it by the people who are too damn extra.

Book of D: Boundary Setting at El Trabajo!

Hey, it's Hispanic Heritage Month! ¡Hay mucho de lo que estar orgullosa! Plus, I wanted to put my semi-sublime Spanish speaking / writing skills to good use. Okay, back to the title and point of this post: boundary setting at work. Recently, a colleague informed me that he/she has been feeling on edge with the head honcho of our division. The colleague added that there seems to be an absence of boundaries and guidance, which makes the work culture feel a bit unstructured and apprehensive. My colleague is by no means diffident or a milquetoast, but he/she has become somewhat timorous in character these past few days because of the awkward treatment the boss has fashioned onto my colleague. I'll be using compa (friend) and jefe (boss) going forward because I do not want to divulge anyone's identity, especially not that of my colleague. Not that I should worry much about it because I doubt anyone really reads my blog. Cue in a loud, burly sigh 😁(via an onomatopoeia). Besides, I'm not worried about being like 'Geraldo Rivera' and leaking vital information; honestly, I'm just in the mood for a "soapbox" discussion. BAM!!! 

Getting back to my colleague, I just feel sorry for my compa because the person is such a hard worker who always arrives to work on campus before the majority of the faculty and staff and is usually the last person to leave. I am usually on campus by 7:30 am, but my compa beats that by a good 10 to 15 minutes - if not more. We are required to work a 40-hour work week: nine hours a day, Monday through Thursday (7:30 am to 5:30 pm), and four hours on Friday (8 am to 12 pm). My compa has been employed here longer than most and works way more than 40 hours, so it pretty much chaps my hide, per se, to know that he/she is being micromanaged and treated like a newbie staff member. I have had my own altercations with the jefe, and some things have improved following said contretemps, but there remains so much work to be done to hone in on and fix the real issues between the jefe and myself - as well as with the jefe and other colleagues. Our jefe is a young and inexperienced manager, and although he means well, his ambition and eagerness to rise to the top casts a dark cloud over his presence, which the jefe is clearly oblivious to and that also escalates the strife. So, when my compa tells me about his/her issues, my heart just goes out to him/her. I know how it feels to get treated in such a mal manner. It doesn't feel good, and it makes a person doubt his/her abilities. My compa admitted to having lost sleep over yesterday's negative meeting with the jefe. That pisses me off because no job or person is worth a person's mental or physical health. All I can do is listen for now. My compa asked for some advice, which I sparingly gave with circumspect at the helm. As a counselor-in-training, I can't help but think of a million things to say or do, but I have to keep things in perspective - for both my friend and myself - and tread lightly. As I have gotten older, I have come to realize that it is best to stay out of certain issues and allow negotiations to take place. Things do tend to work themselves out, we just have to be patient, but we also have the right to set boundaries and be rightfully respected.

Soapbox time is over in lieu of lunchbox time . . . back to eating mi comida.