Book of D: Let's Go to the Movies

The Menu (2022): It's a movie I have been wanting to see ever since the first promo trailer premiered. It stars Ralph Fiennes, who is one of my favorite British actors. Fiennes plays a world-class acclaimed chef who prepares a lavish tasting menu, along with some shocking surprises ala unexpected ingredients. TBC. Our UTPB's annual Celebration on the Quad awaits. I have volunteered to help set up the event, which starts at 6 PM. BRB!

Book of D: The Feels

Ughhh. Why do I allow myself to feel this way. I wish there was a magic pill that could make the feels go away. All these days of anticipation for answers about my workspace appear to be leading up to nothing. Nothing has changed. El jefe is still being evasive and nonconforming. Hell, he can't actually succumb to being a nonconformist if he hasn't even been around to hear my pleas and ideas. Hell, I'm not asking for much. I just want what my peers are getting: a nice office with carpet, ceiling tiles, new desk (sit-to-stand) and matching shelves and hutch. The shithole that has been proposed - last week, mind you - is pathetic. My colleague spoke to me about it earlier this morning. As usual, he and I were the first ones to work in the area where our offices are located. The other two cohorts had not yet arrived and neither had our student workers.

My colleague said he heard from the grapevine that I was being assigned an office sans carpet and tile. I said, "yeup" and proceeded to show him the pictures I had taken last week. The area I will be taking on as my "office" used to belong to the literature department; they used it as a library. The reason there is no carpet or ceiling tile is because they wanted as much space possible, vertically as as well as horizontally, that would allow the tallest shelves, and as many of them that would fit the circumference of the room, thus providing more space for books and such. It was a tight-fit according to the communications specialist who is helping me with the move by providing me with a phone line and access for my computer and laptop docking station. To revamp one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite romcom movies, "I'm also just a girl standing in front of 'her boss' asking him to 'get her a decent office.'" It's seems so elementary to solve the feeling of crappiness - or feeling crappy - but I assure you that it is not that simple. If it was easy, most therapists would be out of a job and the person who figured out the magic pill or potion would be more rich that Bill Gates, Elon Musk, and Warren Buffet combined.

Book of D: Crimes of Racist America

Till: Till is a 2022 biographical film about Mamie Till Mobley whose 14-year-old son Emmett Till was lynched in 1955. Till became an activist and fought for justice following her son's unmerited and abominable death. The movie is really good, and most of the time, it is jarringly painful and infuriating – as it well should be. Lest we forget.

The murder of Emmett Till continues to haunt the American imagination and tarnish the decadent southern reputation. Although Emmett was from Chicago, his visit to the Delta in August 1955 to visit relatives, will forever be nomenclature regarding the racist South. The younger Till was castigated for communicating with Carolyn Bryant in the store owned by Carolyn’s husband, Roy, in Money, Mississippi, where Emmett had entered to buy bubble gum. Apparently Till whistled at or spoke to Carolyn; no one knows for certain, but it was enough to infuriate Roy Bryant and his half-brother J. C. Milam to ruthlessly murder Emmett. It took three days to recover Emmett's body from the Tallahatchie River, where Bryant and Milam disposed of Till's body, by tying a seventy-five-pound cotton gin fan tied around his neck to weigh it down – after they had already cracked open Emmett's skull and gouged his eye out. Mamie insisted on an open-casket funeral so that everyone could see what had been done to her Emmett. Jet magazine and other media sources published pictures of his mangled body, which horrified the world. Adding to the infamy of their crime, Till’s murderers were acquitted by an all-white, all-male jury in Sumner, Mississippi, on September 23, 1955, and a few months later sold the story of how they abducted, tortured, and killed Till to William Bradford Huie for a Look magazine interview. Although justice was never served in the case, Till’s brutal death and the subsequent sham trial were a catalyst for the Civil Rights Movement. 

I dare anyone to Google "Emmett Till death photos" and not become indignant over the injustice nor to be able to refrain from despondency or commiseration over the severity of his savage injuries.

Book of D: Self-Reparation

I remember yearning for a love that didn't exist . . . at least not in this worldly realm called earth. If someone did or didn't do something for me that made me feel safe and secure - I saw it as a sign that the person didn't love me. In actuality, it was me not loving myself enough and not being able to find the security that can only be obtained within oneself. I punished others for not being able to help me find the love I was so feverishly craving  - from myself. 

Unbeknownst to me, there was never going to be any one person who would be able to love me enough or make me feel secure enough until I was ready and cognizant enough to love myself. True story.

Book of D: The Omnipotence Paradox: Overcoming Stagnation

What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? That is an age-old question. The question remains adroitly oriented - with both the unstoppable force and the immovable object having become analogous to each other. Much like the relationship between a ruler and his subjects as analogous to that of father and children. Folks, it's like Thanos versus Everybody else at MCU. Hell, even in the movie The Dark Knight when the eponymous character throws caution and circumspect to the wind as he does battle, before delving into conversation, with the always antagonistic Joker. The latter makes mention of said unstoppable force meeting an immovable object and adds that their conflict is "destined to last forever."

The Dark Knight is told that he has too much misplaced self-righteousness to kill the Joker, and the Joker admits that he has way too much fun taunting the Dark Knight to kill him. Their views about being locked up in a padded cell are almost tantamount except the Dark Knight says that the Joker belongs in one and the Joker agrees but adds that they both belong in a padded cell. Truth reigns supreme most often, but not so much in the unstoppable force meeting an immovable object adage. It's still quite perplexing and paradoxical; to me, that is, especially when incorporating Newton’s 2nd Law, which states that Acceleration is equal to Force divided by Mass (A=F/M). Um, no! 

Hey, this should not rely on math or require scientific proof. 

All I really know is that when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object and causes stagnation, one of the variables must be eradicated or dismissed. There is no room in this person's life for stagnation. Sometimes I think that my exigent need to please others is the immovable object; however, my will to succeed in things I really want is the unstoppable force. Example in hand: I currently have a research project due for a committee I am heading up, but spending time with loved ones is important because of the holidays. The project is the unstoppable force but my loved ones are the immovable object. The project is going to have to wait, right? The object will redirect the force. But, don't tell Newton or the ones who study this stuff 24/7, 365. It's lame, I know. Stupid Jokes 'r' Us.

To my defense of being lame, we are working with a light staff this week at the university, so it's kind of boring around here. Plus, the majority of our students have already gone home for Thanksgiving. Most of us in the division are telecommuting tomorrow since we're only required to work a half day. There's no use, especially for those of us who drive in from Midland, to come in for just four hours. I might use my comp time today to go home early today, which is doubtful because I need to make progress on the research project.

Book of D: FIFA World Cup, Qatar, Human Rights ... Versus My Love of Soccer

The world-wide quadrennial tournament is underway. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I'm not referring to the peoples' physiognomy or outward appearances, I'm referencing the wayward and extremely antiquated politics and values of Qatar. Regardless of how people around the world view the country of Qatar, this year's World Cup is predicted (by statistical computation and algorithms) to attract 5 billion viewers — almost two-thirds of the planet’s population. Already, there has never been a World Cup anything close like Qatar 2022 - and this is before a soccer ball (fútbol) has even been kicked. There are a myriad of human rights groups in uproar and protest over everything from the mistreatment of LGBTQ people in Qatar where homosexuality is illegal as well as questions surrounding the mysterious deaths of the construction workers who have been exhaustingly building the facilities in Qatar. The storied organizer FIFA is trying to recover from scandals laden with outcries of corruption that have cast aspersions in relation to how Qatar was even considered and awarded the World Cup competition. Erstwhile, Sepp Blatter, FIFA chief, went on record to say he regretted that the Gulf country was picked as host. FIFA is adept at availing itself of the onerous responsibility of picking a host site every four years - much like the Olympics. So for anyone at FIFA, the world's most powerful (and loathed) sports organization, to attempt to show remorse for choosing such a dreadful location, I call blasphemy and ignominy (shame). Qatar is not only hateful in its maltreatment of women and the LGBTQ community, but its antiquated kafala labour system endangers austerity, poverty, and success among those still seen as part of the outgroup and outliers within its hidden caste system. Still, FIFA and the World Cup remain popular and prosperous. One writer said it best regarding the doubtless popularity of FIFA and the World Cup: the sport remains one of the last bastions of live television viewing considering how audiences have been fleeing traditional broadcasters for online streaming services in the last few years (2022).

As for me and my love of soccer (fútbol), it started in the 90s when Mia Hamm and company reigned supreme in the sport of women's' soccer. The United States Womens National Team (USWNT) was on fire and winning competition after competition. My girlfriend during that time was from Mexico, and a huge fútbol fan to boot (pardon the pun), so she provided much insight and tutelage to this American who did not yet fully appreciate "fútbol." As my education in soccer grew, so did my love of the sport. It was around the same time I started loving cycling and Le Tour de France. My gf taught me the logistics of soccer, but I ventured off on my own to learn the names of the players, their positions, how the pitch is controlled and how pitch is another name for the playing field, how the kit is the name for the standard equipment and attire worn by players, etcetera. G-d I adore soccer (fútbol), and I am so proud to be one of the first Americans to appreciate the beautiful game - before it gained in popularity in the USA. With all that stated, I wish I could boycott the current World Cup games, but I cannot. For my love of the game and of my National teams is much too mighty and potent. I scream and yell for all our National teams, so when World Cup soccer rears its face, I succumb and watch. Afterall, it's not every day that I get to cheer on Team USA. Before I end the post, one question: Why in the world did the USMNT not play Gio Reyna vs Wales on Tuesday, Nov. 21, 2022? The USMNT should have won that game 1-0 instead of allowing Wales to score for a 1-1 draw in the Group B opener. Team USA's most solid defender, Walker Zimmerman, foolishly conceded a futile penalty 10 minutes from fulltime, which then allowed Team Wales' own Gareth Bale the pk, which he "cashed in" in emphatic fashion to level the score, 1-1. Team USA never recovered. Again, where was Gio? We needed the three points, one point at this juncture might not be enough to make it out of the group. J.S. 

Book of D: Familial Gathering and a Chill Weekend

Today, my sis J, her hubby, daughter (whom I consider my daughter), and I attended the early Thanksgiving Day celebration with our late Mom's family here in Midland. My cousins are the children of my favorite aunt, whom was my Mom's favorite sister on their Mother's side of the family. Confusing, I know. My cousin Stella lives in Midland (where Josie and I live). In fact, we three don't live very far from one another. Stella rented the Girl Scouts (GS) Center in Midland for the nice occasion. It was a pretty nice establishment.

(L2R): Jabier, Alex, Josie, Dora

Overall, the event was lovely, and the food was delicious and plentiful. My cousins hit a homerun. It was really nice to see my cousins after so many years. Most of us had not seen each other since my Mom's funeral eleven years ago. My aunt J (my fav aunt) was unable to attend the dinner; she had a personal issue to tend to, so her and my other cousins from Ulysses, KS were not able to drive down to spend the day with us all. 

I was proud of myself for attending if I must be honest. Since covid, I have been somewhat of an introvert. I have clinically diagnosed OCD and anxiety, so being around so many people, related or not, is sometimes a struggle for me. Plus, I lost hearing in my left ear back in 1996, so that hearing condition just adds to the stress and anxiety that being around crowds induces. Not being able to properly hear conversations is not the only issue caused by hearing loss, the other negative obstacle is that I end up with a loud ringing in my ear when I am around too many people. It is not Tinnitus - it's more like otosclerosis. According to specialists/doctors, otosclerosis can be treated with a hearing aid, but surgery is often required. I don't want surgery. Anyway, getting out and being around large crowds makes me uneasy, but today, I decided that I was not going to disappoint my sister or my cousin since I had already given my word that I would attend the family celebration. 

Saldivar Cousins (L2R):
Dora, Josie, Annette,
Stella, JR, Rachel, Ruby

My cousins are wonderful. They are my favorite cousins because they have always made my family and I feel welcomed and loved. They are not pretentious whatsoever. Rich or poor, they are all modest and unassuming. Plus, they adored my Mom and respected her and pampered her whenever she visited with them. That, my friends, goes a very long way in my book, per se. Moreover, when I arrived at the GS Center, my cousins asked about my wife. I explained that she was unable to attend. It was so liberating to be so open about my relationship. They even asked how long we had been "married" - to which I answered, 25 years next March. They were all talking about how long they had been married, so it was refreshing to have been included. They asked if my wife and I had plans to celebrate the 25 years, and I said that we hope to vacation in Costa Rica or Alaska. I wish my wife could have attended, but I forgot that the gathering was today, so when my sis and her family had already arrived at the GS center, my sis texted me and asked if we were still planning on attending. I said yes, then I had to make a mad dash to get ready. My wife wanted to stay home and relax. I did not blame her for not being in the mood to get up and get ready so quickly. She has been traveling a lot for work to train her employees on new policies and procedures with DPS; therefore, I was cool with her decision to stay home. 

I am grateful that I have had a really good weekend. After the last two weeks of ups and downs at work, I was ready for this weekend. Saturday was spent just mellowing out and binge watching season 5 of The Crown, followed by Ŧexas Ŧech Red Raider football. They beat Iowa St. and became "bowl eligible!" Yeah, buddy . . . #WreckEm! Sunday, my spouse and I slept in a little. I woke up first, made coffee, fed my late, beautiful Caty's clowder. I was so happy to see that all the cats (which includes four kittens) made it through the frigid night. I made a shelter for them after conducting much research about how to prepare adequate cover for feral cats during cold weather. I made brunch for my honey and myself, then we settled in to watch the 2022 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which we missed last night on HBO since we decided to watch A Christmas Story Christmas - after our Red Raiders won their game. Wow. Seeing it in writing makes me worry that we watched too much tele. LOL. It's all good. We actually did a lot of things aside from watching t.v. this weekend. After the family gathering, I went to buy items for our family Thanksgiving Day celebration in Big Spring this Thursday. I will be making the ham, so off to HEB I went to get the ham and other items. Speaking of actual Thanksgiving Day, it has been much too long since my sisters, their respective families, and I have gotten together to celebrate Thanksgiving. Thanks, covid. So, we are all looking forward to just being together. We're celebrating at my sis Eva's beautiful new home. Yay! 

Book of D: The Art Between a Disagreement and an Argument

A disagreement and an argument are totally different. A disagreement is when both parties are trying to make a positive change - while an argument is when one party is trying to win. If you're arguing with someone you love, that should be the time when you shouldn't want to win. Why would you want to win over someone you're supposed to care deeply about. Right? (rhet.)

Thanks to the indomitable Terry Lewis for saying something similar to this during his acceptance speech; I paraphrased his eloquent comment 😉. Lewis, along with his career partner and friend, Jimmy Jam, were inducted during the 2022 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Lewis and Jam (a.k.a. James Harris III) are one of the most successful writer-producers of the 1980s till this very day. The musical artists and community with whom they have collaborated is simply astounding. Anyway, I just had to put that out there regarding the art between a disagreement and an argument.

Book of D: Letting Go Without Getting Scathed

Not long ago, one of my friends, who had just broken up with his girlfriend of nine years, told me, “I really hate that almost everything I’ve had to let go of in my life has scratch marks on it.” I took it as him trying to describe what a difficult time he was having with things he has no control over. I definitely relate to that - as I’m sure many people can, too. I must confess that I have had a hard time letting go of certain things in my own life. At certain junctures, I also found myself scathed and scratched up from my inability to accept things and let go.

Laws of Karma

I accept culpability for my part in it, but I also hold the other parties accountable. I am not so omnipotent where I should take full blame for things because everything good and bad takes more than one person to carry out. 

Additionally, I'm no longer that silly, confused, lovestruck person who basically let others walk all over me while I, conversely, partook in some ill behavior as retribution. My coping mechanism at one time in my life was to hurt others the same way they had hurt me. It's not an excuse, it's a fact. I do not condone my inferior actions, but I no longer castigate myself for being that way because I did not know how to funnel my feelings or to control them. My initial response to things that hurt me was to fight back. I have always despised being ignored, too, so whenever anyone ignored me, well, that was also cause for me to be a nonsensical hater. I hate that part of my life, but I cannot change it. I have accepted what I did, and for those I hurt, I have made peace with and forgiven myself. I was told by an intellect and kind of a Yoda wizard that when we put hurt out into the world and recognize that we have done so, we only owe it to ourselves and maybe even karma, or whatever deity we believe in, to be remorseful and to do better going forward. He added that we are never expected to apologize to those we hurt unless it is with purpose. In other words, apologies are for the people who have been static in our lives and will continue to be. And while regret is okay in moderation, apologies should be held for those who truly matter. Apologizing to someone who has not been in your life for a long time is nonsensical and self-deprecating. My Yodaesque acquaintance went on to explain that karma works much like the biblical "you reap what you sow." He recommended that people ask themselves what they need to release so they can create space for the thing(s) they desire in their lives. In essence, like a computer, clean out the files that are unessential and do nothing for us in order to make space for the truly important files. 

So, let's print out a "circle of control" worksheet and rethink what we can and cannot control. Maybe we can even create a Venn diagram to show how some items and people might belong in the middle of the "can/cannot" control area. But, to keep true to today's post, let's be more methodical and contribute more good will to our own lives so we are able to put good things into the world. Let's keep ourselves from getting scathed by holding on to the people and things that are not good for us. Let it go!