Book of D: Obfuscation: To Obfuscate or Not to Obfuscate

To explain obfuscation in simple terms, it means to make something difficult to understand. For instance, programming code is often obfuscated (via encrypting) to protect intellectual property or trade secrets in attempts to prevent an attacker from reverse engineering a proprietary software program. Okay, that being said, maybe you're wondering why I am writing about obfuscation in today's post. Oh, that's simple: I have students enrolled in computer science courses who are having issues with last semester's courses and are dealing with SAP (satisfactory academic program) issues. I have been working with the students to make sure they do not fail or get dropped from this semester's courses. Other staff members are helping to create a safety net, per se, for said students. The term obfuscation came up in our weekly BIT (Behavioral Intervention Team) meeting. One of BIT members asked what obfuscation meant because one of the students brought it up, and he had to pretend he knew what it meant. 

I tried to explain it in layman's terms, sans a condescending manner, but I was rudely interrupted by another BIT member. This guy is immensely obnoxious; he self-monikered himself "infinite wisdom," after his attempt at wanting to be known as "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" failed - because he is no Voldemort. That dreadful guy tried to be all smart, showy, and patronizing, but his explanation quickly went downhill. I was loving his crash-course in verbal crashing. LOL. The guy completely quashed the meaning of obfuscation, which sent the meeting of obfuscation into obfuscation - which I quickly noted. LOL. I stepped in (again) and explained obfuscation as something that black hackers a.k.a. cybercriminals (sometimes even white hackers) use to conceal information to make things difficult to understand. 

After the BIT meeting ended, I went back to my (cold and lonely) office and thought about obfuscation, which led me to think about how much I love programming. It is beautiful to learn different computer languages; it's an artform. It helps society with so many different facets of life. If your electronic devices are working properly, you can thank a computer coder for creating a beautiful line of e-communication. Electronic devices like cell phones, laptops, and tablets require code to function properly, and coding allows humans to communicate with these devices. Anyway, I love teaching the younger gen to code. Well, I used to, but these days, they are learning it at school in far more advanced manners than what I know. I thought about how my now 19-year-old nephew thought I was a genius because I knew JAVA, HTML, etc.... I taught him how to code at a beginners level several years ago when he was just 13 years old. He loved it and surpassed my abilities, that is for certain. When he was mostly into coding, he could have talked coding and VR prototyping alongside the experts. I also introduced my nephew to ALICE, and he loved it. The late, great Randy Pausch would have loved talking to my nephew. This brilliant nephew of mine knows PYTHON, C#, and C++ better than me. He uses his abilities to create games in his spare time when he is not acting in one of the Shakespearean plays (of which he adores the tragedies, comedies, and histories) with his schoolmates. Yeah, he wants to be an actor, but he still codes a little, that is when he is not on Twitch or Discord with his gaming community. Although I am not a gamer, I have no qualms with those who game and those who partake in extreme gaming. I have several family members and friends who fall into the latter category. Bring on all things MMORPG, and they are totally and completely into it. I have seen the outcome of days playing World of Warcraft (all games W.O.W. related), Albion, Tower of Fantasy, DnD (online and the OG), etcetera. I don't have the patience to play RPG or MUD background games. It took time for me to learn the difference between an RPG player and a video gamer. LOL. Kidding. The types of gaming genre just didn't captivate me. I did, however, like the coding and algorithms asociated with gaming. Anything that was behind closed doors and didn't incite too much attention is what enchanted me and being able to speak the language and slang. Differentiating between RPG and MUD was kind of like knowing the difference between anime and manga. Well, maybe not exactly like that. I must admit that I did/do enjoy reading manga and watching anime. As for manga, I subscibe to how one reads from right to left, top to bottom, and back to front. I always read books in that manner - even as a child I started reading from the end of the novel. I think it somehow quelled my need to know the outcome, which would posit the book worthy of reading. I guess all this is derrived from my love of building things. I also attribute my hobbies to my need to take things apart and reassemble them in hopes of improving the way they work. Not in real-life, per se, I like taking apart websites and apps using source codes and such in order to recreate something better. I will admit that I like using other people's codes once in a while especially when the codes make things run so well and unabashed like a finely tuned instrument; it makes for such a beautiful quality that I just cannot explain. I am sure others who love coding and such understand what I mean. I am sure many can explain the love of coding better than me. It's like math for me: I adore math, and sometimes I partake in solving mathematical equations to relax and to exercise my creativity. Most often, I prefer to write or read to chill and be creative, though. I even love formulating excel spreadsheets, which is also coding. Actually, MS Excel is the world's most widely used programming language. All these things are activities I love, and I am grateful that even when I am not always able to utilize the tools for work, I can still use them during my personal time. Although I am more into white hacking, if I had to chose a type of hacking, I do understand that obfuscation has its time and place. Well, except for in a BIT meeting with that one guy who thinks he knows everything. By the way, Voldemort called, he says you're still not worthy!😁 

Book of D: Paxlovid Mouth Mimics Burnt Tortillas

According to Google, people who get what's being called “paxlovid mouth” often notice a bitter or metallic taste in their mouth shortly after taking their first set of pills. 

Well, to me, “paxlovid mouth” mimics burnt tortillas. It's okay to eat part of a burnt tortilla every now and then because it only makes you appreciate the other part of the unburnt tortilla: the tasty, soft, and pliable part that reminds you of the goodness of Mama's love and care 😀. Not that Mama ever burnt a tortilla because she did NOT. I am referencing the act of reheating a tortilla on a comal and stupidly burning it. That burnt, pungent taste is awful. Most often, if you are anything like this Hispanic gal, burning a tortilla does not elicit throwing it away but rather eating around the burnt part or the edges if it's not a lot. But, there is only so much of the burnt part you can eat before it starts getting too much of a smoky, carbony taste. To me, when I had covid and was prescribed paxlovid by my doctor, and had taken the pills after the first day (6 pills/day, 3 in the morning & 3 at night), it brought on that awful burnt tortilla taste. I had to chew gum and drink ginger ale (Schweppes brand) to respectively mask the taste and get rid of the nausea. So, yeah, even though paxlovid did have a kind of a metallic taste, to me, the burnt tortilla is a better description. The aftertaste of paxlovid is what we learned in the grad counseling program as dysgeusia (dis-GOO-zee-uh), which is a bad taste in the mouth, and it can all be called parageusia. (PAYR-uh-GOO-see-uh). Whatever it is called or however it is described, paxlovid is pungent and repulsive . . .  almost as bad as the illness it is helping you recover from or beat: Covid-19. I'll take the bad taste any ole day versus getting hospitalized - or worse. I fear that covid is just here to stay, good, bad, or ugly, it is not going away. It'll just keep mutating. I hope I'm wrong, but if I'm not, maybe the drug cartel . . . er - I meant big pharma can make paxlovid taste better than metallic, burnt tortillas. 

Book of D: The Sky Is A Neighborhood

Dave Grohl, genius front man of the Foo Fighters, once said of the eponymous song, "One night I was lying out looking up at stars just imagining all of these stars as places that have life on them as well, and I decided that the sky is a neighborhood, that we need to keep our s--t together in order to survive in this universe full of life." 

I was listening to my fav radio (shock) jock of all-time, Howard Stern, on Howard 100 - SiriusXM, during my drive to work on this gloomy, rainy morning. I rather enjoyed how Howard referenced the song and managed to incorporate it into the segment of the show - as he always does. Howie didn't allude to the aforementioned quote, that was my own discovery upon doing some research (you're welcome 😉). Stern merely said that Grohl was a "genius" and that if the only thing that Grohl had ever done with his life was to have been the drummer for Nirvana, that would have been a really huge accomplishment in and of itself, but for Grohl to add to his resume that he started the Foo Fighters and sang lead vocals while writing and producing the songs, well, that is just awesome and unheard of. In doing the research after listening to this morning's Stern show, I read that Grohl had initially formed the Foo Fighters as a one-man project. I agree with Stern regarding Grohl being a genius and wonder. 

All this reminded me of the star gazer embedded in me and how I often find myself looking up into the sky to ponder: who else is looking at this same sky at this same moment (?). Corny? Yes, this I also know. I am corny by nature. You should hear my jokes. Anyway, as an avid fan of all things Seattle and Seattle-Sound, I was fascinated enough by Stern's SiriusXM show to do some research and writing today. Like the CliftonStrength's Assessment pointed out at the departmental meeting yesterday, my "top 5 themes" (Intellection, Learner, Input, Context, and Achiever) posit that I love partaking in research, writing, and learning. Yes, those are ALL kinda my thing (😉).

Book of D: CliftonStrengths Analyzed for CSBI

Center for Student Belonging and Inclusion 

(Division of Student Affairs and the Dean of Students)

One Drive

Book of D: Back on Campus and A CliftonStrengths Assessment

My Assessment results: 

This morning's Student Affair's departmental meeting was interesting - to say the least. I enjoyed it more than usual. Not just because it was my first day back to campus, après-covid, but because the use of psychometric instruments, such as the CliftonStrengths (CS) Assessment we took part in for this morning's meeting, has always been of interest to me. I have always loved doing research, especially as a grad student, so utilizing psychometric instruments is something I bask in - like measurement instruments. Anyway, being familiar with the CS Assessment (177 questions / scenarios), I must say I am delighted that our U decided to promote it here and move forward with incorporating it into our daily tasks ("our" being university program coordinators and directors, etcetera). The CS is a web-based tool that assesses normal personality; it was developed by The Gallup Organization. The CS bases its perspective on positive psychology, and it helps individuals discover their top five strengths. The goal of the CS is to help organizations improve company culture as well as overall and individual performance.

Book of D: COVID SUCKS

The caption in the picture says it all: Covid Sucks . . . It's 5 am, do you know where your sleep has gone? So, this is what I'm staring at right now as sleep escapes me and insomnia beckons me her bitch: a dimly lit room that's so quiet that it's noisy. A cacophony of nothingness but everything ever so loud. I'm grateful that I have remained lucid - or have I?!! How else can I describe the torture I've been enduring these days of late as I slowly (oh ... so ... fucking ... slowly) recover from covid. I'll say it again: It's so quiet. I'm alone in the home office, but I don't feel alone. My spouse is asleep in our bedroom as I cope with this elusive sleep. Having her close by helps, but this is something I must deal with 1:1. 

I've been battling covid for almost two weeks now. I tested posi+ive around the 3rd, and I relapsed around the 13th. I was prescribed paxlovid by my physician, but apparently I was one of a few who ended up with "covid relapse, covid rebound, or paxlovid rebound." It's really rare to rebound, and so it seems my luck is as such that a covid relapse was more apt to happen to me than winning the billion dollar lottery. 😭 I have had almost all the wonted (more like unwanted) covid symptoms, but the cough has been the toughest of my symptoms from which I cannot seem to escape. The breathing has been quite fervid at times, making me feel as if I'm going to faint. Several times in the last few days I thought I was going to be another victim of a heart attack💔; those episodes were scary to say the least. I did the breathing techniques that I often recommend of my clients when they're experiencing panic or anxiety attacks. I hate losing control, so I've managed to keep my feelings of apprehension (and infirmity) to myself for the most part; often diluting my symptoms upon responding to family and friends who inquire with those often trite health-related questions. I don't want to scare anyone else about how I'm truly feeling; not because I'm trying to hide anything, but because I know my body, and I know it's just very tired. My mind is tired, too. My health spirit is telling me to slow the hell down, and covid (along with the relapse) were the only way it could get me to listen. I still feel like shit, but I've fallen into a state of paranoia that is centered around my job. My boss hasn't given me a hard time, which makes me grateful, but I can't go on in this state of health for too much longer. I can't explain it. It's like I told my therapist, I feel guilty for being sick and not being there for my students who are in need of the services that the programs I facilitate provide. I fear I've no faith in anyone else taking on those responsibilities. I don't even know if my new office is ready for me. It was supposed to be ready upon our return from winter break, but I haven't been kept in the loop about much, which has added to my ill health, both physically and mentally. My therapist said that until I stop feeling guilty for being sick and start giving myself permission to be sick, I'm not going to be able to heal properly or without indefinite repercussions or  unintended consequences. As much as I'd like to surmise my situation with an "FML" response, I must remain positive. It is what it is. 🤷 I didn't ask for any of this. I can neither feel sorry for myself any more than I can blame anyone for this. All I can do is work on recovering.

Book of D: Reconciling with the Real American Tragedy: the Lack of Mental Health Care

Sue Klebold spoke about the day she gave birth to her son Dylan. Sue said she was "overcome by a strong premonition. This child would bring me a terrible sorrow." Dylan would prove to be a good kid and a joy to be around until that fateful day on September 11, 1981. It would take some 17+ years for Sue's poignant feelings about Dylan, on his day of birth, to tragically come to fruition. Dylan Klebold along with Eric Harris murdered their classmates and teachers on April 20, 1999 at Columbine High School. Was the Columbine tragedy a gateway for all the many shootings that have plagued the United States since that mass shooting in 1999? Or have we as a society just overlooked the very thing that has been staring us in the face all along: preventive mental health planning. After all, isn't prevention better than treatment? One would certainly think so, so why aren't we approaching mental health care maintenance in this manner? Yes, it's good to talk about risk factors and warning signs, but we owe it to previous and future generations to do better and instead focus on educating our children early on regarding good mental health practices. Our society has become so consumed at being reactive that it seems too banal to actually try to first be proactive. Yes, the "sleeping giant" is once again caught napping like the foolish "Gulliver" character it tends to emulate all too often. Wake the fuck up, America! As we keep focus on physical fitness, let's incorporate mental fitness via a mindfulness program that helps our children early on in their lives. Perhaps starting at the kindergarten level. If we don't do this, who the hell will.

Book of D: Houston, We Have a Problem

 Well, the time to be in H-Town has arrived. Our Ŧexas Ŧech Red Raiders earned a Bowl birth, so off we went earlier today for the 2022 Tax Act Texas Bowl. It will take place tomorrow (Weds) night, 12/28 at 8 pm versus Ole Miss. It is so oddly strange being in Houston. I was unable to explain it to my spouse, but something just felt off about being in this town. It felt both familiar and unknown, simultaneously. Like I was invading someone's space. Ughhh! Anyway, I am so excited that our Red Raiders won enough games (6) to get a Bowl invite. I was hoping we would get the Alamo Bowl, but that went to the nemesis team to the south. We will be meeting several friends to tailgate first. Our first night in Houston was spent with just my spouse and I going to dinner - nothing fancy as neither of us were really hungry. We drove around the Houston Texans NRG Stadium after we ate. We have been to Minute Maid Park several times; twice to a concert, one being the Madonna concert. But, this venture to NRG Stadium will be our first. Even that fact lends to my anxiety. I'll be honest, it feels weird knowing that my ex lives in the area of Houston. I miss her. I wish our friendship had outlived our relationship, but for whatever reasons, it did not sustain the ups and downs of life. I wish I knew why my ex decided to cut me out of her life. Not that I would try to bullshit myself out of anything negative that I may have done; not like I probably would have done in the past. I just want to know why I cut off like that after we last spoke following my own mother's death. When my ex's respective parents died, her dad in 2021 and her mom in 2022, I was unable to pay my respects properly. It is what it is. I wish I did not battle with anxiety and depression (with a hint of melancholia and a chance of meatballs, lol) because that only adds to me missing people in such a manner that it effects my mental health. I miss people way more than they seem to miss me. I guess I'm just stupid that way. I guess my inability to let go of things is my Achilles heel. All I know is that I am literally just a few miles from my ex, and as much as I would love to talk to her in person (phone would work just as well), I know she would more than likely not respond well, and I do not want to upset her. I wish good things for her. The last thing I want to do is to upset her - especially after the fact that she lost her parents, during back-to-back years. I am certain she is in a lot of pain because of that. So, I will eat my feelings. 

My cell 432-235-3841 . . . I'm leaving options open in case she's reading this.

Book of D: Not Even Santa Can Bypass TSA Security

Okay, so the other day santa was chilling at the front gates of the airport. He looked kind of shady, in my opinion. He looked like he wanted to smoke, but knowing he could not, he just looked perturbed. He was in the airport express ticket line but didn't have the proper ticket. He was getting upset, but he didn't yell at anyone. He kept right on like he knew what he was doing - even though those of us who had been keeping our eyes on him knew better. I'm not sure if maybe he was drunk or high or anything sinister like that, but he did look rather unusual. Even as the other customers got past the ticket area and made their way to the TSA area, they kept watch over this guy. For one, why was he even allowed to don the santa suit. It was funny but not funny. This santa thought he was going to be able to bypass the TSA security check-in procedures. He was made to take off his hat, wig, and beard - and he was getting livid. He really lost it when security asked him to remove his boots. And, oh, man . . . talk about causing a scene. He was a black person, so he used the race card to justify his claim of discrimination and loudly said, "if I had been a White santa, no one would have questioned me, but because my skin is dark, I am getting hounded. If my skin was white, I would've walked right on through." The TSA rep said, "no, sir. This has absolutely nothing to do with the color of your skin or your race." The man in the santa suit yelled at the rep and asked her why then were they holding him back, he was late to his gate. The TSA rep said, "once again, sir, we're not discriminating against you because of your color but you must know that are we not authorized to allow santa or any of his elves or reindeer to pass through the security area, regardless of color, or how many legs they have without first getting scanned and checked out thoroughly." Everyone burst out in laughter. I know I did. That response by the TSA rep was awesome! The guy in the santa suit calmed down and removed all the articles he had been asked to remove. He collected his personal belongings and proceeded to leave the TSA area, but he added, "man, santa can't even catch a fucking break these days. Only in America!"The TSA rep responded with, "Yeah, only in America does santa think he is special, too!" OMG. That was hilarious. I still don't understand how this guy was allowed to wear the outfit in the airport. Honestly, I was looking out for a boxcutter. No, not because the guy was black, but because he was being irrational. There's a time and a place to use the race card, but this was clearly not the time to use it. Santa is still expected to follow all the same rules and regulations as the rest of us humans. LOL. I'm just glad everything turned out okay, but I was especially glad that this santa was not booked on the same flight as we were.You can't make this stuff up, folks. I witnessed this first-hand. It was a daunting scene that played out that day, but what a story to share with my family at Christmas.