Book of D: WERO

It's Friday, June 14th. You passed away at 7:15 pm. Your entire family was with you: your wife Eva, your daughters Erica and Felicia, your son-in-law Nick, and your grandbabies Ava and Noah. They were all there, Wero, by your side - like always - to bid you farewell and to help make your journey back Home to meet your Maker a more calm and peaceful experience. 

Your family was enjoying dinner in your hospital room (Nick was taking Ava to Ross to buy a gift for a friend's birthday, but they immediately went back to MMH) when Erica noticed your erratic breathing and quite possibly your last breath. Needless to say, your wife, my sister Eva, and your daughters were shocked and heartbroken that you had passed away. I won't discuss more because you were there, my brother-in-law, and you know what actually happened. You knew your family was at some peaceful point in life, so you decided it was okay to leave this world. 

You waited an entire day to pass away, and I'd like to think that you waited because you didn't want to leave on your late son's birthday (June 13th). You wanted Philip (your junior) to be able to have his birthday all to himself; after all, Philip was such a remarkable human, and he deserves to be remembered all on his own. As you know, Philip was so young, and he was taken from you, your family, from all of us - much too soon. I take great peace knowing that Philip (*Epé*) was there, at the Pearly Gates, after St. Peter gave you the third degree, that is 😉, to greet you Home. I love you so much, Wero. I'll miss you forever! 

Book of D: The Bathroom Chase

I had dream that one of my nieces kept following me around the hospital to every bathroom I went to use. I'm not sure what to even think of that except maybe that I need to watch out for her during this difficult ordeal that has pretty much stolen her dad from her and slowly devastated her family. All I know is that I'll be more mindful of my niece during these next strenuous, heartbreaking days. 

Book of D: Hassan is Back Home

Hassan has finished the spring semester at university. He has traveled back home to his loving family in the Bakhtiari province near Lordegan City. His family was so happy to see him. 

Hassan was anxious to return home so he could help his family finish building a home that will house his older brother, his wife, and toddler son. Hassan will eventually build a home on the Hosseinpour homestead one day whenever he gets married. But, he is in no hurry. Hassan wants to finish his collegiate career and become an instructor first before settling down with a wife and starting a family. 

Which reminds me of conversations Hassan and I have had, and further research I have done, regarding Iranian nomadic marriage. For instance, part of the Luri (nomadic) culture, deems that parents may try to arrange marriages, but it's a custom that has died out throughout the centuries. Then there's consanguineous marriage, which is a type of endogamy, and is still practiced and encouraged. However, this tradition has also seen a decline mostly related (pardon the pun) to the greater awareness about recessive genetic disorders that plague endogamy (in-marriage) relationships. The reason for the decline points to education: the more educated the nomad, the lesser his or her chances are of ending up marrying a family member because of educated awareness toward mental and physical disabilities that intra-marriage can cause a newborn.

Hassan's family has been against consanguineous marriage for a couple of generations, which bodes well for my friend. 

To further explain, without condoning consanguineous marriage, it started out of necessity for financial security, and reproduction; moreover, to strengthen family bonds within the nomads. Consanguineous marriage helped ensure that money and security remained within one family and that a family's bloodline continued. In a caste system which basically ridiculed and belittled nomads,  it made it difficult for nomads to marry outside their own tribe or clan because they were deemed unfit by society. Therefore, marrying a cousin or second cousin became the norm, per se.

I'm glad my friend Hassan never has to worry about the nefarious constraints of consanguineous marriage.

Book of D: I Choose to Make Chicken Salad

I woke up at 4:30 am. We are staying with our uncle in Lubbock for the weekend. It was a much-needed excursion for me, after the mood I awoke to yesterday morning. I am feeling so much better this morning. My mood is positive, my mind is clear, and my outlook is good. I even had a dream last night that I returned to work at the university. Heck, if the opportunity arose to work there again, I might just take it; however, it would have to be with a different division.

Anyway, as my mood improved yesterday, my attitude followed. I was rather stoic and quiet for pretty much the entire morning yesterday.

As my spouse asked me questions, my answers were mostly monosyllabic: yes, no, or I don't know. I really hate being that way. My demeanor was equivalent to how it used to be before I figured out, or rather when my doctors figured out, that I had mental health issues (i.e. GAD and MDD). I used to be such a rut-maker (not to be confused with a muckraker), which basically means that I lived in a rut and often wanted everyone around me to live in a rut, too. For that, I am sincerely and truly apologetic – to myself and anyone else I burdened with the actions.

So, today is a new day and a new opportunity to make things positive for myself. I need to tweak my resume for one, and then take all the materials I have saved through the years, during grad school, and upload them into a study guide with online study cards (and even tangible index cards) to prep for the NCE. I don’t know what my future holds for me, but I take great solace in knowing that I am not alone in that. What I was meant to do will eventually find me. Or maybe that’s not really how things work, all serendipitous and all. But I do have to remember that things are within my circle of control as far as work goes. I have so many opportunities waiting for me. I worked long and hard to obtain all this wonderful education, so I must take that arduous labor and turn it into something positive. Like my high school cross-country coach used to say: you can either make chicken shit or chicken salad.

Book of D: The Fucking Feels

I woke up so depressed this morning. Not sure what's going on. My current escitilopram dose probably needs tweaking. I'm not trying to be flippant by downplaying or trivializing my current mood, I'm merely stating an obvious fact. I need to speak to my endocrinologist about it soon. I don't know what to do about my work situation except to just find a job somewhere.

Whether it makes me happy or if it's something that I want to do with my life right now. I just feel like I have to bring in some income right now, to have money of my own. I'm afraid that if I don't do something about my current depression, it might escalate into lord knows what. What could be worse. I don't dare to even go there. I'm used to making money. Good money. This not bringing in income isn't working for me at all. To add salt to the proverbial wound, I've been disappointed in people lately. For instance, many of the people that I've helped out in the past have been scare in reaching out to me lately - for certain, none have come to my aid. It sucks so much. Maybe it's just my mea culpa, and I need to stop dwelling on who's helping and who isn't. I do remember, though, how my late Mom would always tell me to watch my money because I might need it one day, and no one would be there to extend the same kind of support to me. My Mom was so wise. Aside from her financial advice, telling me to invest in commodities and real estate/land, her advice about life in general was always so spot on. I miss Mama so much. Especially during times like this. But, I just need to jump this current mood and recall the good things I have in my life versus focusing on what's missing. 😌 

Book of D: Joshua J. Dominguez, Commencement 2024

Congrats to my great-nephew, Joshua J. Dominguez. Big Spring High School. Class of 2024.

Book of D: Pride Drive, My Nephew Joshua

My Nephew Joshua Dominguez, along with his bandmates, discuss their upcoming trip to Hawaii (live KBST 103.9 on 05/14/24).The Big Spring High School band, a.k.a. Pride Drive will be traveling to Hawaii on May 29th. My nephew is a trombone player and a drum major for the Pride Drive. [Radio public file: KBST FM 95.7 · KBST AM 1490 · KBTS 94.3 FM]

Book of D: A Cacophony of Onomatopoeia

 What, do you probably ask, is a cacophony of onomatopoeia. 

TBC

Book of D: Spill the Feed

Hassan came over again. He was in a good mood - as always. His presence made me happy as well. He was talking about his studies and how he was looking forward to spring break. He also spoke about honoring the fast during Ramadan. In his home country, Ramadan 2024 will start on March 12, 2024 and will end on April 09, 2024. The Ramadan daily fast starts after the sehri or suhur and is broken with the evening meal, iftar. Hassan mentioned how, during Ramadan, his father Amir would remind everyone in the household to wake early for sehri; otherwise, they would have to go without drink and food until iftar. Hassan added that every morning during Ramadan, Amir would get up early to start the day's fire outside in the brazier. The brazier is a square or rectangular metal contraption for creating a fire, usually to keep a tea kettle hot as well as to keep the humans warm whilst outside. Hassan said that his father would make certain to "spill the wheat" for the chickens in the yard. I assumed that "spill the wheat" meant to throw wheat on the ground to feed the chickens. When I asked Hassan to clarify the idiom, he laughed and said that he has gotten a lot of funny feedback from other people, not of middle-Eastern descent, when he used such a term as "spill the wheat." He said this one guy at the university asked him if it meant gossip, which made Hassan laugh so much that his stomach ached. Hassan still laughs at his university mate's interpretation of "spill the wheat," mostly, because why would his dad Amir want to feed the chickens with gossip. When Hassan shared this with me, I laughed really hard, too. I told Hassan that "spill the wheat" would make an excellent code phrase to be used between him and me whenever someone shares gossip or tries to be too nosy and intrusive.