Self-Indulgence Post: The Bonfire of the Vanities: You're so Vain! You Probably Think this Post is About You!

Per the lyrics of another musical genius Carly Simon, "You're so vain. You probably think this song is about you." But, in this instance, I placed the word "post" in lieu of the word "song" because, in case you didn't notice, this is a freaking post -- NOT a song. Anyway, I have to say that it feels really rotten and terrible to know that the person you most want to get to know in the entire world barely knows you are alive. You cease to exist to said person and are only acknowledged because you are usually the first one to reach out to him or her.

(Henceforth, said person shall be named X. My apologies, X, that I could not give you a more cool name, but you make me crazy. 

So crazy that I had to write this special post about you, and in doing so, I had to be quick about it in order to not lose my nerve! 

Thus, I had little to no time to think up a jazzy name for you, X, so take it or leave it.)

If you could, you would spend every waking moment with X. Well, not really, but the idea has crossed your mind. You want to know everything about X, but X is somewhat loopy and aloof. Those might be qualities that others would deem as bad, but for you, well, those are some really endearing traits: loopy and aloof are rather cute. Not to mention they are traits that extremely intelligent people tend to possess. And, intelligence is another trait you adore about X. X is so smart. Maybe even to the point that X doesn't realize it. Nah. X knows X is very smart! But, I wonder if X knows how gorgeous X is. I could look at X all day long. Oh my, but does X have a beautiful smile as well. If X was more social and outgoing, X would be the full package. X would have people knocking down X's doors. 

I'm such a fool. But, I don't deny I am not all intrigued over X. X just rocks my world. But, X is also my demise at times. I can be all happy that I am going to see X, but the moment I see X, I get sad because the clock is ticking, and my time is limited to spend with X. It means I have to make up excuses for the next time I will see X. You see, I always have to initiate any contact with X. X seldom reaches out to me first and that makes me crazy as well.

I need to quit X, but I do not know how. You see, for months I have tried to quit X. I have tried and failed miserably. I don't know how to quit the person who most fascinates me and makes me feel so alive and happy. I should know how to quit X because X also makes me feel unworthy, dead, and miserable. 

Damn it...what to do. Another semester is here and I must put up with my quirks. I must see X through-out the week and wonder what X is doing without me. I am stupid. I know. 

To be continued...I am waiting to see if X will contact me. If not, I will have to plan on a manner, which will not be scourging to myself, to make contact with X. Oh, damn it, X. Notice me. I notice you, and I think you are wonderful.