Dora's Corner: Domestic Violence!

I have been gone for a while, but I have had good reasons.  A return to college to finally pursue that one degree in Computer Engineering that has long eluded me.  But, that is not the reason for my rant-of-the-day; today's rant is on a topic which I am much too familiar with, and that is no lie.
It is in relation to one Ray Rice -- you know who he is by now -- he is the ex-player for the NFL's Baltimore Ravens.  He is especially now known as a bully, a coward and a woman beater.  No, I won't go into details about the case stemming from the elevator-incident because you should already be familiar with the story.  If you are not, I will give you a one-time pardon, and at least share a link with you where you may read about it: Ray Rice via TMZ.com: Ray Rice Elevator Knockout: Fiancee Takes Crushing Punch (Video)
My take on the entire disgusting event is simply this, why do people need to have a public figure, like Rice, to remind them of domestic violence.  This violence does not just happen to the "rich and famous," it happens to everyone.  I guess it is time to "wake the sleeping giant" once again.
Furthermore, the NFL and its Commissioner, Roger Goodell, got it so wrong from the beginning.  They finally set things right as of yesterday by enacting new policies regarding domestic violence for all NFL players going forward.  It bans a player for a certain amount of games for a first offense, and a lifetime ban for a second offense.  Yes, that is a good start, and, yes, better late than never, but...
Ray Rice is one of thousands (if not millions) of people who are too quick to hit another person.  To me, that is a raw definition of a coward.  Going forward, women (or anyone) who are in abusive relationships need to seek help or perhaps they need help.  Most often anyone who is being beaten lacks self-esteem.  He or she often wonders why this is happening to him or her, but instead of getting out of the relationship, they stay in believing that the person who is abusing him or her will change.  Many times the victim ponders with the question, "what am I doing wrong!"  That is sad, but I can relate to it.  Anyway...let's stop being a society that has to see a famous person do something so abhorrent (like what Rice did) before we remember how many awful things are happening outside our front doors.

Dora's Corner: Love Is Love (Or Not): Somebody That I Used To Know!

The song, in the title of this post, resonates so many disturbing feelings of love-lost for me.  An ex of mine should really listen to this song if she has not done so already.  If she has heard it, I really hope that she not just knows the words -- but understands them.  I hope that she thinks of me/us every single time that she listens to it. 
Unrequited love -- on her behalf or mine -- not certain, perhaps we are both equally to blame for being involved in a relationship that was not a good fit for either of us.  Perhaps we should have just remained "best friends!"  Perhaps we should have never been involved in each other's lives at all.  Better off never having met.  If fate had it as such that we were to meet; first as co-workers, turned best friends, then intimate; then perhaps one of us should have just ended things a lot sooner than we did.  Perhaps we should have remained the kind of friends who just hang out to have a good time and nothing more.   Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...
I must admit that I do often think of the friendship we shared at first, and I admit that I miss that person; the best friend whom took care of me and vice versa.  After a while, when the friendship turned intimate, things between us became muddled and toxic, but we somehow managed to salvage, what I thought, was still a sound friendship; best friends for once and forever -- or so I thought.

Gotye's song, "Someone That I Used To Know," is the quintessential soliloquy, if you will, of how I actually felt when I was involved with that person of long ago.  Although we did put an end to the intimate side of our relationship (on mutual and amicable terms), we remained best friends for a long time.  However,  not long after we each moved away and seldom saw one another, she decided to cut me off.  That was almost 20 years ago.  Til this day, I am uncertain why she did what she did (cutting me off).  She has given me rather vague reasons for doing as such -- but never any sound ones. 
All I know is that now, for me, she really is... just somebody that I used to know.

This song is for you, "Someone!"

Somebody That I Used To Know
Lyrics Gotye (Ft: Kimbra)Form

Bottom of Form

 [Verse 1: Gotye]
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

     [Verse 2: Gotye]
     You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
     Like resignation to the end, always the end
     So when we found that we could not make sense
     Well you said that we would still be friends
     But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

[Chorus: Gotye]
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

          [Verse 3: Kimbra]
          Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
          But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
          But I don't wanna live that way
          Reading into every word you say
          You said that you could let it go
          And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

[Chorus: Gotye]
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
And you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Somebody (I used to know)
  Somebody ... Now you're just somebody that I used to know
   Somebody (I used to know)
    Somebody ... Now you're just somebody that I used to know
     (I used to know)
      (That I used to know)
       (I used to know ... Somebody)

It's Spur's Time: San Antonio Spurs Defeat The Heat In Game 1 of #NBA 2014 Finals. LeBron Has "Meltdown," Blames Others, Now Known As James "LeCramp!"

#Twitter Tweets

It's Spur's Time: San Antonio Spurs Defeat The (not) OKc Thunder(less) In O.T. (112-107), Take Series 4-2: SPURS are #NBA 2014 Western Conference Champions!

*** MORE SPURS PIX / "GET NASTY!" ***

Dora's Corner: Rest In Peace (#RIPMaya): Remembering A Legend--Maya Angelou.

...‪#‎RIPMaya‬ "A lyrical person was she!"
Seldom does a person make such a positive impact on our lives these days! Seldom does anyone provoke others to justly stand up for the good of the masses; to oppose oppression against any one person, cause, or organization. Maya Angelou was just that kind of person who inspired and incited all of these wonderful things within us all.  Her words (written or verbal) were beautiful, eloquent; always pertinent and relative to issues that plagued our world.
She was a rare gem in this jaded world of ours. She was one of my heroes.
She always encouraged others (especially women) to stand up and fight for themselves. However, she always stood ready to defend those whom needed representation regardless of gender, race, national origin, creed, religion, age, marital status, class, sexual orientation, political affiliation, or disability.
I admired her tenacity and her ability to not just tolerate others, but to accept us all as her equal. Never a negative word was said or written, by Maya, of another. If you had a negative remark to make about someone, she kindly reminded you to be mindful; those who could not were not welcome in her home.  Maya did this because she firmly believed that the degrading of another person was the complete opposite of being a good person. Oh, how I especially admired her for taking that stance.  Expletives and name-calling were not allowed in her home; though-out the years, it is not tolerated in mine.

Post by D Dominguez Yerac.

Dora's Corner: Supporting A Cause...To Boycott Or Not To Boycott (And Do We Really Need To Ask)!

...Lately, companies that are anti-LGBT anything just anger me.  My partner and I therefore choose to boycott companies such as those.  Anything that is against who we are is not something that we need nor want in our lives.  Places like Chick-fil-A, Hobby Lobby are such places.  For those very reasons and for not having any type of support or a mere inkling of compassion or understanding is why I, also, ban the catholic church.  Sara is officially an Atheist and has been for several years.  She is the most intelligent person I know for such a stance.  I wish I could be more like her.  A war with G-d is one which I have yet to wage.  Believe me, I have plenty of reasons for such a war, but in the end, I find that it would just not be worth it.  I am not sure how I feel about religion, but I have managed to keep my spirituality in tact.  The other stuff will eventually get fixed--or perhaps not!

Anyway...Sara and I have several friends and some family members (mostly on Sara's side of the family) who support us without question.  The family members and friends we have, plus those who are also members of the LGBT community, follow suit with certain boycotts of ours for obvious reasons.  At the end of a very long, tiring day, why should any of us put up with nonsensical opinions of others.  Having a dislike of LGBT persons is as bad as disliking people based on their color/ethnicity.  If you are not LGBT, then you have no idea how difficult it is.  And before I continue, it would be remiss of me to educate--or to remind everyone--that being homosexual is NOT a life-style.  Being LGBT is who we are. 
It is a difficult life as I have mentioned, so being (openly or not) part of the LGBT community is something that we have learned to cherish, guard and protect.  If you do not like us, that is your right, but do not impede upon our rights.  We have a right to gather, live and to shop anywhere we want to without having to put up with haters.  In these United States, if you own a store, restaurant, team, anything that requires an ownership, you need to be ready to be open and accepting of every person you want as a customer, employee, etc...  You cannot decide to go back 'pre-1964' and think that you can verbally place people at the back of a bus because once you start judging others, and you think it is 'your right' to publicly bash them, then that is when a group of people can boycott you until your place of business shuts down.  I am aware that most boycotts do not lead to the closure of certain businesses, but it is our right to never patron there again.  Even if likes of Chick-fil-A or other businesses change their views (in public, that is) regarding LGBT persons, Sara and I will never again eat there.  It is a matter of principle, and if you do not have any principles, then we do not need or want you in our lives.  Lest we try to even get you to understand.

Sara's family has always been supportive of us and they boycott establishments that are anti-LGBT.  We also have dear friends who do the same.  Before I continue, let me add that all of us boycott anyone/anything (no just LGBT-haters) that hinders the rights of others and shows a disdain of anyone because of who they are.  Personally, I wish I had stronger family members with the same honor-system and convictions to boycott these places.  My late mother supported us, and in turn, boycotted with us.  Many of my family members do not know the real story behind the reasons that mom had for boycotting the places/people that she did.  Several of my family members would never be able to deal with the truth so I keep it between just a few handful of people.  Bottom line is that I know, and that is the only thing that matters.  I had a terrific, rare relationship with my mom that my family and most others do not understand.  Mom was my friend, mother, protector, supporter; we shared a bond, a kinship, that I have yet to see shared in any other mother-daughter relationship.  I cherish it, and I do not feel the need to injure or blight others with that fact.  The last thing I wish to do is to cause hurt to others.  If I told family-members these truths, they would crumble.

With that said about not wanting to hurt others--especially not family--then why do you suppose that certain family-members wish to hurt me.  Saying that they support me and love me no matter what is no longer acceptable.  Showing such support is the only way to prove their love, loyalty and allegiance.  Going forward, all family members who know of my boycotts of anti-LGBT establishments is going to have to choose a side.  They will either choose to continue to patronage these places or lose me.  I would never support anything or anyone who was against someone I love so why should I accept anything different from family (rhetorical).  I should not have to accept it.

When my family invites me to places (i.e. Hobby Lobby, Chick-fil-A) knowing why I boycott them, they should be ashamed.  I accepted such an invite not long ago by a sister to go with her to Hobby Lobby, and I ended up being very disappointed in myself.  I respect her as a sister, but it is apparent that she does not respect me or such a thought, much less the audacity to say it out loud, would have never entered her mind much less spewed from her mouth.  As well as being disappointed in myself, I lost much respect for my sister that day, and the entire ordeal just made me sad.  If I do not insist on getting respect from a sister, who knows my LGBT-plight, then I might as well not expect it from anyone else.  So, for that reason (and hundreds more), I refuse to be quiet and mindful when I am invited somewhere that does not approve of who I am.  I will also not be so kind when others keep patronizing anti-LGBT places, and especially when they admit it to me in a nonchalant-manner. 

And please spare me the reasons why you do or do not boycott certain establishments.  I assure you that the reasons you have are not like mine.  I boycott for reasons that obstruct my rights as an LGBT person.  Your boycotts are not done, I am certain, because it is hindering your right as a human being, as an American, etc...  Your boycotts are against establishments that do not share in your convictions.  Boycotting places like Sonic Drive-In because of their pro-choice views (or whatever) is clearly not the same as boycotting Chick-fil-A or Hobby Lobby who do not like homosexuals.  Sonic is not threatening or impeding on your rights nor are they treading on your beliefs.  I might admire you just a tad for your boycott if I knew that you were against any establishment that infringed upon anyone's rights and incited hatred.  The latter commotion is exactly what Chick-fil-A and Hobby Lobby did.  They incited hatred and tore people against one another.

The Chick-fil-A issue against the LGBT community created much strife in my own personal life.  Certain cousins of mine came at me with a vengeance via Facebook; cowards that they are--they could not do such in person and to my face!  Luckily I had many FB friends who came to my defense.  In telling the story to some family members, most were appalled and even threatened to confront such cousins.  I said that they did not need to defend me so they did not go forth with defending me against these cousins.  Had roles been reversed, you better believe that I would have defended my family member no matter what! 
Anyway, months later, after the Chick-fil-A written-thrashing I received, after getting FB de-friended/deleted/blocked, you would think that the family members, who knew about all of this CFA-controversy, would have my back...but they DO NOT!  They still eat at Chick-fil-A (and shop at Hobby Lobby to add) without batting an eye and without hiding the fact.

It is like they have no shame or honor or for sure they lack loyalty.  If that is how they feel, then I am not just disappointed in them, but I am disturbed and disgusted by their actions.  One day you will know how it feels to have someone/something dislike you just because of who you are.  Remember me when it does happen.  Remember that you did little or nothing to support me when I endured such dislike simply because of who I am and who I love.  Remember that you were one of the people whom I loved.  You should have supported me completely when others were bashing me.  If you find yourself alone, after you are bashed for whom you are, remember how you did nothing to support me...remember me!

Just my take for the day!

Dora's Corner: Just Pondering: Why People Change and Why They Do The Hurtful Things They Do (1of2)?!!

     Here I go once again pondering "why?"  So many questions, and still not enough answers.  Even my curiosity for asking so many questions is a question, in itself.  Why do I have to know so much about things that should clearly no longer matter to me. 

     So...I ponder with why people change.  I know we all have to change.  I am not so naïve to think that change is not part of the realm in which we all live, and to which we eventually succumb.  I adhere to such an unwritten rule.  I realize that we, as humans, need change.  I especially agree with what the character, in one of my all-time favorite sci-fi movies, DUNE (1984), said about change;

Duke Leto Atreides: "I'll miss the sea, but a person needs new experiences. They jar something deep inside, allowing him to grow. Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken."

     I love that part/quote in the movie because it is so true.  I am not against the reason why people change as much as I loathe how they change.  Most often, as it has been my personal experience, some people do not change for the better.
     Many previous friends of mine have undergone such negative change.  That is okay, though.  If that is what they need to get through life, then it has to be okay; okay for them.  However, for me, if I have changed for the worse, then I hope someone lets me know.  If my change has been for the best, then good.  I just never want to regret that my change was bad.

     As I did change through the years, I hope that I never hurt or created strife for anyone.  Long ago, I admit that I was a hot-headed, immature person; seeking retribution was too quick and easy for me.  I have not been that revenge-seeking person in a long time.  I wish certain, previous friends knew me now.  I regret that they may only remember that odd, unhappy, and vengeful person.  I outgrew that person.  I reached a point in life when it was no longer okay for me to be spiteful and negative--so I changed.  With that change came much reward.  But such change also came much too late as I also lost a lot.  I lost friendships I once cherished.  If I could add change to my changes, I would want my friends back so that they could know me now.  I would want to wipe out past, negative memories they may have had of me.

Just one of my takes for the day (another one follows)...

     

Dora's Corner: Just Pondering: Why People Change and Why They Do The Hurtful Things They Do (2of2)?!!

.....Some change is good, but some is also so, so bad!
     The negative change of my ex is what doomed another previous friendship of mine.  Maybe I had it coming and my ex got her revenge by interfering in and ruining another friendship that I once cherished.  I have written about this topic many times so I will not get into much detail about it.  I just want to put it out there for that special someone, whom might one day read this blog of mine, and come across this (and the other posts), and know how deeply regretful I am that we could not continue our friendship all these years ago.  Whether I had a direct impact on the bad things that this other person did to you, to make you think it was I who did them to you, I sincerely apologize.  That is the best I have to offer you!

     I know why you changed back then, and why you decided to erase me from your new life.  I accepted it so that you could be happy.  I wanted you to be happy because it would help me to seek happiness of my own.  I left you alone as you indirectly wanted of me.  Only a handful of occasions did I reach out to you.  Not for comfort or solace as I had those things.  I just needed to hear your voice, and to know that you were still out there--listening to me.  I now know why you may have had such disdain for me all these years later.  Please just believe me when I say that I did not mean for you to be hurt.  I accept all culpability for everything that I did, but I cannot accept any accountability for the bad things someone else did to you just to spite me.  I have a difficult time expressing how disappointed I am that you could believe I would ever harm you.  Part of me is angry with you, and then there is the other part of me that could never stay angry with you.  I forgive you.  You no longer know me---especially the new me who wishes we could have remained friends.  I no longer know you either, but I do forgive you for being made to think that I had any ill feelings towards you or that I could think so little of you, and of our previous friendship, that I could do things to hurt you, to anger you, or to make you not want anything further to do with me.  I hope one day...  Not sure what I hope.  All I know is this simple passage: "I did love you once!

     Forgiveness is forgiveness, but hurt is still hurt.  Everyone hurts someone at one time, then they forgive.  Forgiveness might be the easiest part of getting hurt--it is the forgetting part that is difficult.  In ending, I would be remiss if I did not quote one of my favorite poets, Pablo Neruda: "Love is so short, forgetting is so long."

Just my take for the day!

Dora's Corner: Defying the Defiant!

     I am a defiant person by nature, and I must insist on my autonomy as well.  I like knowing that everything I have is because of my hard work.  I do always try to give (respective) credit to those around me, whom have assisted me in my accomplishments! 

     Lately, I regret to say, I have come to notice that certain people I know/knew, have changed in a manner that leaves a sour taste in my mouth.  They believe that they are better than me, better than other people.  They chide others while they wrongly partake in self-praises.  If they could throw parades for themselves, I am certain they would.  They have become rather crude, insensitive, much too prideful, always unaccountable for their negative actions and their juvenile-induced pride.  They believe that they have attained true success, although the entire time, they were riding on the coattails of another. 

If I ever become such a person, please someone slap me!

     Much of what I have done has been through much hard work; much sweat and many tears.  Many persons have helped me through-out my life.  Through my late mother's tutelage-of-life, I have learned to work hard and to study hard.  I am proud of what I have done.  I welcome all the changes, that must come my way, for me to continue being successful.  May it be via monetary means, love, family, with it all, may success continue to touch my life and never elude me.  The good L-rd willing--knock wood--may success always be one of my blessings!  May I always see my blessings and never take anything or anyone for granted.  May my pride never overshadow my life nor the people who stuck around and loved me without condition.

Just my take for the day!