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Tuesday, July 4, 2017
Monday, July 3, 2017
POETRY: FEED ME to FREE ME
Feed me putrid foods laden with arsenic
Give me absinthe in rusty old goblets
Do what you must, just please,
I beg thee . . .
Rid me eternal of the pain and the misery
Do what you must, just please,
I beg thee . . .
Rid me eternal of the pain and the misery
D. D. C. / 2017
SELF-REFLECTION POST: I WISH I COULD QUIT YOU
I sit here pondering why my life has become so foreign to me. I hardly recognize the person I am, and I miss so much the person I was. The confident person who did not allow others or situations to best her. I don't even like looking at myself in the mirror anymore because I don't respect the person I have become.
I keep telling you "the person" and myself, "I didn't get here on my own." You agree, but I am not certain that you fully comprehend what the message is that I am trying to convey; not sure you fully understand what you are agreeing to understand.
Oh, please someone just shoot me and put me out of my misery.
I don't know how to quit you. I've gone away three times. Three times I have hurt you; three times I have hurt myself. You see, I can't bear to be away from you, but I can neither stand to be with you. It hurts so much knowing what I know. Remembering what you said. Unrequited feelings are a bitch. I could have perhaps been okay with what you told me had you not said it so quickly and so nonchalantly.
Each time you say you want to be my friend, it kills me, but I take it. It kills me more that you somehow feel compelled to say it to me like I am somehow trying to win your affections. I assure you I have no intentions of trying to do so. I respect your feelings and decision(s). I accept it because not having you in my life after the myriad of trials and tribulations we have experienced and shared is not an option.
I don't know why I am being punished as I am. It's not that I blame you completely for the things you would say and do that mislead me down this tormented direction. I blame something else for punishing me. If I did something so awful in the world that karma now deems I should pay, please just end this way I am feeling now. Please make me numb because I cannot sustain this rollercoaster ride of a life anymore. I can't focus on many things. Things that I need to be focused on go wayward.
I think of you, and I am both happy and sad. I regret to say this, but I wish I had never met you. The feelings I have started not long ago. Why? I think you know why.
Anyway, I hope one day you find yourself missing me as I miss you. I only wish you would respond to my messages and tell me exactly what you feel. I would give you the world if only things were different.
I wish I could quit you. I fear it is you who is going to have to end things first. I refuse to do the going away again. I refuse to hurt you again (if you were even hurt).
Lately, you just don't seem as interested anymore. The love and longing you expressed in the "Letters to Dora" you sent to me is the one thing I will miss forever. I miss you so much even when we are communicating. I am so jealous of others who get to spend time with you; getting to know you. I wish you really knew me. You say you do, but I assure you--you do not know me at all.
So, someone or something out there who has the ability to make changes and to take pity, please take me away from this situation. Help my heart heal and my mind not wander.
I wish I could quit you.
I keep telling you "the person" and myself, "I didn't get here on my own." You agree, but I am not certain that you fully comprehend what the message is that I am trying to convey; not sure you fully understand what you are agreeing to understand.
Oh, please someone just shoot me and put me out of my misery.
I don't know how to quit you. I've gone away three times. Three times I have hurt you; three times I have hurt myself. You see, I can't bear to be away from you, but I can neither stand to be with you. It hurts so much knowing what I know. Remembering what you said. Unrequited feelings are a bitch. I could have perhaps been okay with what you told me had you not said it so quickly and so nonchalantly.
Each time you say you want to be my friend, it kills me, but I take it. It kills me more that you somehow feel compelled to say it to me like I am somehow trying to win your affections. I assure you I have no intentions of trying to do so. I respect your feelings and decision(s). I accept it because not having you in my life after the myriad of trials and tribulations we have experienced and shared is not an option.
I don't know why I am being punished as I am. It's not that I blame you completely for the things you would say and do that mislead me down this tormented direction. I blame something else for punishing me. If I did something so awful in the world that karma now deems I should pay, please just end this way I am feeling now. Please make me numb because I cannot sustain this rollercoaster ride of a life anymore. I can't focus on many things. Things that I need to be focused on go wayward.
I think of you, and I am both happy and sad. I regret to say this, but I wish I had never met you. The feelings I have started not long ago. Why? I think you know why.
Anyway, I hope one day you find yourself missing me as I miss you. I only wish you would respond to my messages and tell me exactly what you feel. I would give you the world if only things were different.
I wish I could quit you. I fear it is you who is going to have to end things first. I refuse to do the going away again. I refuse to hurt you again (if you were even hurt).
Lately, you just don't seem as interested anymore. The love and longing you expressed in the "Letters to Dora" you sent to me is the one thing I will miss forever. I miss you so much even when we are communicating. I am so jealous of others who get to spend time with you; getting to know you. I wish you really knew me. You say you do, but I assure you--you do not know me at all.
So, someone or something out there who has the ability to make changes and to take pity, please take me away from this situation. Help my heart heal and my mind not wander.
I wish I could quit you.
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