MY MUSIC/MY THOUGHTS +PLUS: SAY WHAT YOU WANT (TEXAS)

I KNOW YOU’RE OUT THERE WATCHING, READING, TRYING
TO PAY ATTENTION TO MY WORDS AND ACTIONS.

I KNOW YOU’RE TRYING HARDER THAN HARD TO SEE ME PERHAPS

FAIL IN MY SUB-ROSA ACTIONS AND FINALLY RENDER A
CONFESSION OF WHO MY ‘UNICORN’ IS.

I WEIGH MY WORDS HEAVILY, TRYING NOT TO SLIP!

I WISH I COULD TELL YOU MY SECRET ‘UNICORN’ WAS YOU,

BUT MY GREATEST FEAR IS NOT REALLY OF REJECTION,

IT IS OF RUINING OUR BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP; YOU SEE,

LOSING YOU COMPLETELY FROM MY LIFE IS

NOT  AN OPTION!

SOMETIMES I FEEL THE FEELINGS BEING RECIPROCATED, BUT 

I ALSO FEEL THE APPREHENSION
LOOMING FROM YOUR OWN VERY CORE. (SIGH)

YOU CONTINUE TO ROCK MY WORLD!

CAN'T YOU SEE THAT!?!

I THINK YOU DO . . . . I WISH YOU COULD FEEL MY MISERY OF PAIN!

YOU’RE WORTH THE WAIT OF A MILLION YEARS! BUT, PLEASE DON'T TAKE THAT LONG! 💔

MY MUSIC/MY THOUGHTS: POSSESSION (SARAH MCLACHLAN)

I LOVE EVERY SONG BY MCLACHLAN, BUT THIS ONE HAS

TO BE MY MOST FAVORITE OF ALL TIME.

POETRY: THE COMPLETE POEMS: D.H. LAWRENCE

“You are the call and I am the answer,
You are the wish, and I the fulfillment,
You are the night, and I the day.
What else? it is perfect enough.
It is perfectly complete,
You and I,
What more⎼?
Strange, how we suffer in spite of this!”
― D.H. Lawrence, The Complete Poems

“Nobody knows you.
You don't know yourself.
And I, who am half in love with you,
What am I in love with?
My own imaginings?”
― D.H. Lawrence, The Complete Poems

“I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.”
― D.H. Lawrence, The Complete Poems

MY MUSIC/MY THOUGHTS: YOU EARNED IT (THE WEEKND)

I never liked the movie that helped make this song popular!

It was much too quirky, sappy, and disrespectful to women.

But, The Weeknd is sensational.

What can I say, but WOW!

His music is extremely romantic.

And, I’m not referring to sitting around and cuddling

on a banal Saturday night after dinner & a movie.

I am instead referencing the

“NETFLIX & CHILL”

kind of evening.

The kind of evening when you want to know EVERYTHING

About your special person.
SO MUCH SO THAT IT'S CONSUMING & YOU CAN HARDLY BREATHE!

MY MUSIC/MYTHOUGHTS: SOMEONE LIKE YOU (ADELE)

IT'S ADELE. YOU CAN'T GO WRONG WITH HER MUSIC.
HERE'S TO BROKEN HEARTS; LOST LOVE; BROKEN DREAMS; SORDID PASTS; AND WHAT IFs.

ADELE IS THE MODERN-DAY LYRICAL CROONER.THX FOR HELPING ME GET THROUGH SO MUCH HEARTACHE!

MY MUSIC/MYTHOUGHTS: TO THE MOON AND BACK (SAVAGE GARDEN)

IT'S A SAVAGE GARDEN KIND OF DAY.

I'M STILL WAITING FOR HER
TO ACKNOWLEDGE HER FEELINGS.

A WORLD OF FANTABULOUSNESS AWAITS HER WHEN SHE DOES!

MY MUSIC/MYTHOUGHTS: TRULY-MADLY-DEEPLY (SAVAGE GARDEN)

I ADORE SAVAGE GARDEN

DID I MENTION

I ADORE YOU, TOO!

MY MUSIC/MY THOUGHTS: HIGH FOR THIS (THE WEEKND)

I'M STILL HERE! YOU JUST HAVE TO REACH OUT TO ME FIRST.
YEAH . . . I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE.
I KNOW YOU MISS ME AS MUCH AS I MISS YOU

💜 💜 💜 💜 💜 💜 💜

 (DON'T BE SO AFRAID).

SELF-INDULGENCE POST: DAY TWO SANS FACEBOOK

…I am slowing weaning myself from the toxicity that is her, and she doesn't even realize it. The fact that she doesn't see it only goes to show how extreme her levels of narcissism, detachment, and callousness really are.

NOTE TO SELF: WAKE THE F/CK UP!!! SHE'S NOT WORTHY!

It actually feels good to have some relief like this (sans the FB bulls/it and drama).

I have resorted to only communicating with those who have been extremely helpful to me in the past few days. Those who can listen without sheer panic settling in, and for certain without a so-called headache interfering when I am trying so hard to talk about my feelings and how extremely difficult life has been for me lately.

  I am getting stronger, healthier, and smarter. T.T.L.               
#HealingIsLoving             

SELF-INDULGENCE POST: MY TYPE

Long, black hair.
Full lips.
Medium build, height.
Hispanic, Latino, Middle Eastern, Asian, Greek (medium colored skin).
Intelligent and ambitious as H3LL!
[Does not need to be able to leap buildings in a single bound!]

SELF-INDULGENCE POST: ONE REASON I OPTED OUT OF FB

…If I am not privy to someone’s personal life through personal communication (and I am not just referring to menial texting because texting is as impersonal as social media can be—and sometimes just as pretentious), then I really don’t need to see the person’s life develop through social media.
Besides, if I was really that special and important to you, you’d f/cking pick up the phone and call me. By the same logic, if I had truly deemed you worthy and an important part of my life, then you also would not need to see my life progress via social media.

I am conflicted, but I know this much: I loved and adored you so much. I was wild about you and could not wait to hear from you. I'd write you long texts, poems, Haikus, etc. Sadly, you could not do the same. You hardly noticed me and how difficult my life was starting to become. You say I am strong, and it makes me tired and indignant that you brushed my true feelings aside. Each time we are in the same room, the feelings and emotions are so intense between us.  I know you feel the attraction. After all, you pursued me first; you shared intimate emotions with me long ago and not so long ago. How was I not supposed to fall!

So . . .

This is me needing to heal.

 

#HealingIsLoving

P.S. If I never hear from you again, it's just as well! I've endured much worse, I will survive this. Not sure you will, though.