Book of D: Navigating Collegiate Life

My niece is a junior at my beloved alma mater, Ŧexas Ŧech University. She is extremely smart. So smart that she doesn't really have to study or try hard, which has gotten her into trouble lately with the dreaded SAP and the grueling appeals that accompany the issue. As a member of the Student Affairs Division at my U, I know first-hand what SAP issues mean and how difficult the issues can be to navigate. If my niece was attending this U, I would immediately instruct her on what she should do, and I would probably be on her like "white on rice" because SAP issues are no laughing matter.

They are serious and if the student does not make an attempt at correcting his or her path, the consequences could become unnecessarily dire. I'll be first to admit that navigating collegiate life is difficult enough when things are going well. There are still complexities that plague college students who are doing well and even for those who are astute, but when you include issues such as SAP or such, the navigating of collegiate life becomes the strife of student life. There are a myriad of rules and laws that govern a public university; the university administrators are governed by a state board and university system and decisions made at the respective collegiate level are not based on any one person's personal opinion; moreover, no one is out to get anyone. No staff or faculty member can use his or her power as a means of getting retribution against any one student - ever! There are several amnesty programs offered by various institutions of higher learning (e.g. academic, alcohol, etc.) because the permanent castigation of a student really is the last thing a university wants to do, and it lends the student a certain kind of sovereignty and power. But, the very autonomy that is given to each student also warrants that the student must remain diligent and aware of everything going on in his or her career. For instance, if the student's degree plan goes rogue and off-course, he/she cannot blame an advisor or other staff or faculty member, it is his or her own problem. There are reasons for university catalogues, and it remains the sole duty of the student to familiarize him/herself with the catalogue which contains detailed requirements set forth by the respective university, per state and federal laws, to obtain the correct courses and number of credit hours. Any other issues the student encounters, such as with my beloved niece and her SAP matters, are just a reminder that life can be harder than it has to be unless we take matters into our own hands to fix them or to prevent them from happening whenever possible - because everything has a solution and most things don't have to breakdown if we are more mindful.

Book of D: The Phenomenology of Otherness and Tribalism

Look up the meaning of each of these words: "otherness" and "tribalism," and you will find the definitions oddly vexing - at least I found them somewhat bothersome. Each word sounds so nice until you dig further into the real meaning. Both words imply a sort of togetherness which mostly paves the way for divisiveness amongst people when separated at their true core.

I did some research for a colleague who helps coordinate events and data for our new Center for Student Belonging and Inclusion, which is why and when I came across the words "otherness" and "tribalism." While conducting the research, I found this PDF (International Encyclopedia of Human Geography, 2008, Elsevier), which penned a myriad of definitions that give way to human "assholeness!" YEUP, I made up that word (assholeness); I can, so I did (make it up). Anyway, this is what it stated: "What is the concept of otherness? . . . Otherness is the result of a discursive process by which a dominant in-group (“Us,” the Self) constructs one or many dominated out-groups (“Them,” Other) by stigmatizing a difference – real or imagined – presented as a negation of identity and thus a motive for potential discrimination" (Staszak, 2008). According to web-based European Center for Populism Studies (ECPS), "Tribalism is a loyalty or preference to one’s own people.

As well as culture, it can apply to politics and sport. Cultural tribalism refers to the subdivision of society in groups who come together by a shared or specific type of thinking or behavior. In popular culture, cultural tribalism may also refer to a way of thinking or behaving in which people are loyal to their social group above all else, or, derogatorily, a type of discrimination or animosity based upon group differences" (2023). Moreover, Sullivan (2017) wrote an article that appeared in the Influencer titled "Can our democracy survive tribalism?" Sullivan stated, "America wasn’t built for humans: tribalism was an urge our Founding Fathers assumed we could overcome. And so it has become our greatest vulnerability" (2017). This is all the psychology 101 basics of the "ingroup versus the outgroup." The them versus us mentality. For example, you get family members together, and yes, it is all nice and heartwarming at first, but if you dig further, the "ingroup/outgroup" theory takes hold, and it's not pretty. Family will stand together and have each others six, per se, but once you delve further into each person's beliefs and such, the hidden problem gives way to ugliness. Auntie Amy might be a republican while uncle Dan is a democrat; you bring them together for a reunion, and everything is fine and the warm fuzzies abound because "it's a family gathering and nothing is more happy than family getting together, right?" Record scratch . . . WRONG! Family is nice and family gatherings can be a joy, but only if you keep your real beliefs and opinions to yourself because that is when otherness and tribalism take hold. You can be my cousin but if you're not voting for MAGA or cheering for the Dallas Cowboys, you're out; you've been ousted and kicked off the proverbial island. You have stopped fitting in, and there is no mercy for you unless you concede your core values in place of theirs.

Book of D: Grieving a Parent

I had a chat with my uncle (in-law) not long ago about death. He lost his mom on Christmas Eve (2022). His ex just lost her mom last week, so it meandered our conversation towards that of death, mainly the death of a parent. The conversation led to me telling my uncle the following: "No, it [pain] doesn't go away. We learn to cope. I think the loss makes us so aware that we move forward in a negative manner. Instead of embracing the people we love more, we learn to fear losing people. There's a difference between appreciating people and being afraid to lose them. It's early, and I haven't had coffee yet, so what the heck do I know. Lol." Like always, I hate to admit, I had to throw in some humor to mask the indifference and melancholia that our conversation was having on me. My uncle was explaining how his ex, Jenny (not her real name), discovered her mom, Connie, had died.

Apparently, Jenny received a call from her aunt who worked for the same school as Jenny's mom in a town not far from Lubbock. Jenny's mom had worked at the school (cafeteria employee and custodian) for many years and was well liked by her coworkers. Jenny's aunt was concerned because Connie had not shown up for work on that Friday morning, which was odd because Connie never missed work. Jenny's aunt had been frantically calling her sister with no luck, so she resorted to making that dreaded call to her niece, Jenny. Jenny drove over almost immediately to her mom's home, but her mom did not answer the door. Jenny broke a window and crawled through only to find that her mom had passed away sometime in the night - sitting down on her favorite recliner. 

When my uncle finished telling me this story, I became extremely downhearted for Jenny and despite not having kept a friendship with her, after she and my uncle broke up, I knew Jenny was inordinately close to her mom and family. I knew the devastation Jenny had to be enduring from losing her mom - especially discovering her like she did. My heart broke for her and her siblings; they were a close-knit family having been brought up by their single mom. I knew Connie but only in passing. I thought about losing my own mom and dad and how several of my friends have lost a parent or both. Regardless of the circumstances, it is never a facile occurrence to lose a parent. I'm referring to the parents who actually deserve to be missed in death; there are some who never should have had children to begin with, but that is a topic for another day. Right now, I am just letting the idea of death simmer in my head (i.e. amygdala) . . . and allowing my heart to inexplicably beat as it needs to do.