Book of D: Who Needs "That"

Several years ago, my English 1302 professor (Mr. E.) and I were working late at the MC English Language Hub; we were helping students with basic grammar skills. Some students were having issues with formatting essays (MLA, APA, Chicago, etc.), writing styles (persuasive, narrative, expository, and descriptive), creating a thesis . . . yada, yada, yada. As the night progressed, my professor and I grew tired and weary from the many students in queue for help. We took a break to munch on the different types of pizza his wife, also an English professor, had ordered for the staff and faculty. Mr. E and I laughed at something someone else said, and we started talking about how people use certains words way too much and incorrectly. One of those being the word that.

If I remember correctly, the topic stemmed from something written by the one and only Purdue Owl. First, it’s important to know when that is really needed in a sentence. This word frequently attaches dependent clauses to independent clauses, and it is strictly necessary if a clause begins with certain subordinating conjunctions, such as before, while and in addition to. That also should be used before clauses that clarify a noun. I know, it sounds dull, monotonous, and perhaps even elitist, but bear with me as I explain in layman's terms. The word that is kind of disruptive if not used properly. It is a chalkboard scrtach to several of us - kind of like those of us who love the use of the Oxford comma. Using that incorrectly is not a violation of the many grammatical rules, but it really does make for a well-written essay and such if used properly (sparingly and lovingly, too😉). For instance, if you say, "John was talking about the truck that he had just bought,' then you are using the word that where it is not needed. Reread the sentence without that, "John was talking about the truck he had just bought." If the word that does have to be used, it would be because of a sentence like this one, "The idea that John would be talking about his truck was funny." If you omit the word that in the same sentence, the syntax and meaning are disrupted, "The idea John would be talking about his truck was funny." See how awkward the latter sentence sounded without the word that. Whew, I am tired again like I was that night Mr. E. and I ate pizza like weary little workers while nerdishly talking about one simple, little word. Lol. Words are beautiful, and they really do matter. WORD!!!

Book of D: ATX Bound

Today, I accompanied my spouse Stevie and her employee Holly to Austin. The ostentacious capitol of Texas. Yeah, buddy! Stevie is the supervisor for her West Texas DPS Field Operations division. She just hired a new field inspector for the Midland area, so the trip to ATX today was mostly for business. Stevie had to make the long drive (4.5 hours) to pick up a new Dell Latitude hybrid tablet / laptop for the new hire, so I was asked if I wanted to accompany her, which I did. I put in for a half day of vacay to go with her. UT System universities only work four hours on Fridays, so I would only need to ask for four hours of vacation via PeopleSoft. Anyway, Holly, who is Stevie's San Angelo field inspector, found out about the trip and asked if she could go with us, so we picked her up along the way. I like Holly. She reminds me a lot of myself at her age (33). She is part of the "rainbow family," which endears her even more to me and my spouse. We had a really great time on the drive to Austin. Holly and I had already met a few times, but today's trip afforded us three the ability to really get to know each other. We all share the same love of movies, books, music, etc., which was refreshing for a person of her age to be so well versed on so many mediums of entertainment, per se. Holly has an old soul. Upon arriving in ATX, we had lunch at the Pinthouse Pizza location on South Lamar. Since I was not on call for work, I was the only one able to order spirits, so I went with the delicious Roasty Bearded Seal Dry Irish Stout. Another patron and I agreed with the respective beer's review by Beer & Brewing, which stated, [it had] "earthy hops" . . .  with "a light acidic tang and grainy astringency." After a wonderful lunch and more banter, we drove to the DPS headquarters on N. Lamar so Stevie could pick up the Dell hybrid and other items. We then headed to the Texas Department of Public Safety Officers Association (DPSOA) on Airport Blvd; Holly wanted to buy gifts for her mom and new gf. We drove around and caught up with the Austin City Limits (ACL) Music Festival 2022. There were a lot of vendors getting ready for that respective night's line-up. A lot of people were making their way to the festival, so the traffic was worse than usual in Austin. The three of us just people-watched, laughed at the funny things people were doing, and we just took in the scenery and settings (like the mise en scène). We thought about things to do that day, so I suggested we visit the UT campus. I have been to the campus (different locations and buildings) several times throughout my tenure at UTPB for business meetings and as a member of the UT System Student Advisory Council. Stevie and Holly acquiesced to visiting UT although we are all Ŧexas Ŧech fans. Lol. I called a UT System colleague who is the director for the UT Longhorn Wellness Center, and she was glad to have us visit, so the plans to visit ensued. The day turned out well. We just wanted to have a good time, which we did, by letting spontaneity lead the way.

 

Book of D: SMART Recovery Facilitator

I am so freaking excited: our University is getting prepped to start SMART Recovery meetings for our student population. For those who are not familiar with SMART Recovery, it is similar yet strongly dissimilar to the 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA). SMART, which stands for Self-Management and Recovery Training is a recovery program that was founded in 1994. The three significant variances between SMART Recovery and 12-step programs: 1) SMART Recovery is not religious or spiritual based like AA and other 12-step programs 2) SMART Recovery does not have sponsors or a buddy-system like AA and other 12-step programs 3) SMART Recovery focuses on a locus of control unlike AA and other 12-step programs. 

I became a SMART Recovery facilitator last April (2021); our U paid for several of us to get certified; however, I believe I was the only one who completed it. This semester, three more staff members were given the opportunity to become facilitators; one has completed it. The training is lengthy and arduous but so worth it. I am a strong proponent of SMART Recovery over the other 12-step programs for a myriad of reasons. I have written about SMART before and explained how it is evidence-based and scientifically proven, but I have not fully revealed why I prefer SMART to the others. For one, I am a recovering addict. My drug of choice was cocaine. When I started using, I was twenty three years old, newly married to someone I was not in love with, living in a big city, making friends with people who were rich and spoiled; clearly, I was lonely and easy prey. I remember leaving my marriage (for reasons I will talk about at a later time) and the many wonderful friends who helped me out during that ominous time in my life. One friend in particular helped me realize how bad my habit was, and I was fortunate to kick-the-habit, per se, cold-turkey. But it would have been great if I had had a program like SMART to help me understand why I was using coke and such. I would have benefitted so much from SMART in that it does not make a person admit that his addiction is due to a loss of power over the drug. I would have especially benefitted by the fact that SMART does not make members seek help from a higher power through prayer or meditation. I was brought up a catholic, so my guilt was raw and ripe for being convinced that praying to a higher power would bring resolve. A program like NA would have walked all over my ignorant self because back then, I did not question the damn dogma as much as older, mature, and educated moi does these days. My ultimate love of SMART is that it gives the person the power to change things and the ability to decide if addicition is a disease and how moderate it is - to him/her. 

Locus of control: whether a person sees his recovery as one that should be guided from within, or by an external higher power.  Further, locus of control is the degree to which people believe that they, as opposed to external forces, have control over the outcome of events in their lives. The concept was developed by Julian B. Rotter in 1954, and has since become an aspect of personality psychology.

Book of D: The Rosie O'Donnell Effect is Worth Two in the Bush

So, I was at a crossroads regarding what to write about today, and I decided to google topics to write about. I was even going to summon Julia Cameron's "Morning Pages" if need be. lol. I decided to write about this morning's episode on Howard Stern's show via Sirius XM; it was a rerun interview he did with Rosie O'Donnell in early September 2022. O'Donnell spoke about the multi-million dollar deal she had made with a premium entertainment cable conglomerate. O'Donnell explained how she fought for the same type of deal (first royalties) that Oprah Winfrey had asked for of the same conglomerate, which ended up garnering O'Donnell around 27 million dollars. O'Donnell went on to tell Stern that with all the money she has earned in her career, she is done with worrying about making more money. She added that she is completely satisfied with how much she has made and is content to just enjoy her life knowing she has enough money to live out her life in a comfortable manner.

The O'Donnell Effect to me is simple: make enough money to enjoy life and time with loved ones. I added the "is worth two in the bush" in the title because often, as the idiom suggests, humans are plagued by wanting more and are willing to risk losing the certainty they already possess. The toiling of inequities.

I replayed in my head what O'Donnell said about having enough money, and I thought to myself how sublime it must feel to never have to worry about money or taking care of your loved ones and yourself. Sadly, in this life, money is needed for almost everything. Unfortunately, most people don't come into a lot of money until someone they love passes away. Terrible, right?!! I have known people who lost a loved one, and they ended up with a nice monetary settlement via a lawsuit or life insurance claim, but the money changed things for them - and not for the better. Of course the money did not make up for the loved one they lost, but it helped them in some sort of crude manner. I say "crude" because it was somewhat offensive to me to see them enjoying life immediately after receiving the money. I silently refer to it as a sellout. But, what do I know. I never received a huge payout of this kind, and I never want to receive such a thing - for it would mean that someone I dearly loved had died. So karma, please hear me when I say that I don't want such a settlement. I would, however, welcome the kind of payout that O'Donnell's career has earned her. Although I am not a huge fan of O'Donnell's, I will say that I do respect her hard work and ability to remain steadfast and significant in Hollywood. On a sidebar, I must add that Hollywood is a cesspool of barracudas, bottom-feeders, and pimps, so I am not willing to earn money being part of that exclusive crowd. lol. Wake-up, D, you're in no danger of being a Hollywood elitist. In the end, I truly believe one does not have to be filthy rich to assemble a nice life for oneself.

Book of D: Familial Expectations Vs Accountability

This weekend, we went to Lubbock to spend time with my lovely wife's family. Her birthday was in early October, so the Lbbk family was anxious to see her. They had gifts and other surprises. My wife loves Italian cuisine, so her sis Angel took all of us for a nice meal at the Italian Garden in downtown Lbbk; not far from the Hub City's sector, Raider Alley, where the Ŧexas Ŧech pre-football game festivities occur. We had a fabulous time. We reminisced and caught up on the goings-on of different family members. The restaurant was good, the ambiance was nice, and the food and drinks were delightful. My wife and I had the chicken marsala (never to be confused with the yummy Indian chicken masala. lol), and although we liked the restaurant's rendition, it still wasn't better than my homemade chicken marsala. Word. 

Anyway, my uncle's 19-year-old son Isaac was mentioned. Isaac and his 22-year-old girlfriend Destiny just had a baby girl. My uncle said he had recently purchased clothes for the baby because Destiny's family didn't seem interested in the baby's birth never mind interest in buying the baby anything. My uncle's third wife, our forever aunt 😁, said it wasn't right that Destiny's family wasn't buying things the couple might need for the baby. Mount Vesuvius imploded (not exploded 😉) within me, but I kept mum - not wanting to ruin the outing and pleasantries - as I clearly disagreed that the young lady's family was obligated to buy anything. Our 22-year-old niece is just starting her senior year at Texas Tech, so I changed gears and asked her about her collegiate career. The conversation then made a nice turn toward a brighter topic ... that is ... until we went back to my uncle's home. 

The topic of Isaac's future in-laws came back up and how they should be ashamed of not buying the baby anything. Well, I decided I wasn't willing to prevent another Pompeiian event and stated my opinion about accountability. I've said before on this very blog that I am a firm believer in Rogerian, CBT, and REBT; these theories posit that a person not blame others for his negative life and instead take the bull by the horns to fix whatever needs to be fixed in his life. The theories also state that humans stop telling themselves negative and irrational stories. For instance, if a person had a crappy childhood, he cannot control what already occurred, but he can control what happens in his present and future life. Another example is a person thinking that he is not loved because he is not showered with materialistic items. My views mandated, in a way, that I speak up and tell my uncle, aunt, and the others that it was the young couple who decided to have the baby; therefore, no one else is obligated to help them out financially, my wife agreed. My wife and I were on a roll contra debating our pibling's anachronous views via a sensical diatribe. 

I added that it was nice that my uncle bought items for the baby, but it was his decision to do so, and it should in no way force the baby's maternal family into doing the same. Maybe Destiny's family can't afford it, but whatever the reason, her family shouldn't feel coerced into financially supporting or gifting things to anyone. I went on to say that when people do things, they really should be prepared for everything that might come their way - that includes bringing a baby into this world. I reminded them about the Mexican folktale: the bucket of Mexican crabs. I added that the antiquated ways of thinking are what keeps our people from moving forward in life: they fail to prepare fully for life and expect others to save them when things get tough. In other words, just like the crabs in the bucket that keep the other crabs from moving up, our people are doing the same each time they comment that they are owed anything or that others owe anyone else something. Hey, paying-it-forward is high on my list of priorities, but it is as such because I choose to make it important; not because it is expected of me. I am doing well in life (knock wood), and I want to spread the wealth - on my own time and terms. 

My parents taught me to work hard, save money, help others because I could and wanted to, save money for the hard times, but never to expect others to do anything for me. That's CBT and REBT in a nutshell, folks. My parents were ahead of their times. 

Anyway, I ended my stance by saying that it's nice to help others but that we should to do so mindfully because we want to and not because it's a requirement set forth by anyone else. 😡

Book of D: Happy Indigenous Peoples' Day

   

I think my OCD kicked in and made me exhibit some serious dyslexia in the titles of my respective vids. LOL. 😂