Book of D: "Mildred Pierce," "Stella Dallas," & "Imitation of Life"

All these novels became classics. All similar yet different. The poignant theme tells of ungrateful daughters, breakfast foods, and rags-to-riches archetypes who end up paying a cost. Although each movie takes place in a different year and place, each one is obviously affected by the Great Depression where poverty is the baseline. Each tells of the love a mother has for her child. Or rather, the love that a good mom should have for her child. Actually, in the three stories, the daughters fail miserably to prove worthy of their mother's boundless love and devotion.

* "Mildred Pierce" (1941) was written by a man: James M. Cain. Anyway, the heartbreaking ending to "Mildred Pierce" reminds me why I opted out of motherhood. 

* "Stella Dallas" (1923) was written by Olive Higgins Prouty. Prouty wrote "Stella Dallas" as a way to cope with the death of her three-year-old daughter who died of encephalitis in 1923. Prouty was the benefactor to the indomitable Sylvia Plath until Plath died in1963. Prouty's novel, "Now, Voyager" inspired Plath's "The Bell Jar."

* The novel "Imitation of Life" (1933) was written by Fannie Hurst. Hurst's novels were beloved by her readers despite the fact that the pundits criticized Hurst for relying too heavily on stereotypes. Ughhh. The critics were men (ghastly, insecure little men).

     Anyway . . . I tried to process the relationships of each respective mother-daughter duo, and it reminded me of the sublime relationship I had with my own Mom. I was grateful that my Mom never had to fight for my love and attention; at least I don't think she did. If she did, that's my cross to bear. I never had to fight for my Mom's love and affection. Till the day she died, I knew where I stood with my Mom. She always showed me love; as I showed for her. She had respect for me; as I did for her. Mom had a fierce protective nature toward me; as savage as what I had for her. She had a love that was fierce and awesome; I hope she saw how mine was, too, for her. Mom told me she saw me as a strong person and that she relied on me to be strong for my siblings knowing her time on this earth was fast approaching the end. I didn't mind honoring her request back then; I still don't. I won't lie, it was the hardest request I've ever had to honor. I hope I did it right.

Book of D: Novels to Movies: A Critique

• "Mildred Pierce" the novel, published in 1941 by James M. Cain, is the story of a Depression-era divorcee who supports her family by opening a chicken-and-waffles restaurant. Despite success, Mildred is willing to give up everything for her ungrateful daughter, who becomes an opera star. HBO's miniseries sticks closely to the plot of the novel. Joan Crawford played Mildred (and won the Oscar) for the 1945 movie, which was reimagined as a film noir and framed by a murder investigation; no murder occurs in the novel.

• "Stella Dallas" (1937) is a sob story starring Barbara Stanwyck as a working-class woman who gives up everything for her daughter (Anne Shirley), removing herself from the girl's life to let her advance and winding up on the outside looking in. It was updated in 1990 as "Stella," starring Bette Midler.

• "Imitation of Life," from a 1933 Fannie Hurst novel, was adapted twice for the screen. Claudette Colbert starred in 1934 as a widow who supports her daughter by teaming up with their maid (Louise Beavers) in a pancake restaurant. (The crux of the story has the maid's light-skinned daughter passing for white.) The 1959 version starred Lana Turner as the widow, who now becomes a Broadway star rather than making pancakes, and Sandra Dee as her daughter, who falls for mom's boyfriend (John Gavin).

Book of Pain: Resolution Thursday: Litigation is 10-4

My back pain is at a 6 today. Like Madea would say, "Hallelujer!" 

I think that the Cruela woman from that unscrupulous law firm had me so rialed up and confused that my mental ails were being masked by my back pain. Today, I met with the other driver's insurance rep and was able to settle for a monetary amount which both my spouse and I were happy with. It is a fair and just amount, plus, my vehicle will be repaired and any future medical bills I incur (up to 6 mos.) will be reimbursed. The sh!t one can get done when the legal community is stifled. I.E., shut the fuck up lawyers! Remember the million jokes about lawyers? (rhet.) I used to want to be an attorney at one time. I am so glad I didn't join the pool of unethical sharks. I'm not a legal counselor, but I am a mental health counselor, and to me, that career is more worthy. WORD! 

Joke about lawyers: 

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they’d rather keep their clients in the dark!

What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue!

What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A good start!

Book of Pain: The Attorney's Rep is Cruella de Vil - Actually, She's His Wife

So, the attorney's rep just called me. She didn't know who I was, then I explained who I was, and she immediately went for the jugular. She was condescending again. She called me "the procrastinator," and said I was the one who was "the counselor with so many things to do." She was being awful. I could barely get a word in edgewise. She kept on and on saying that she has over 20 years of dealing with all types of people with different issues. She then added that I am intelligent and should know that I needed to make a quick decision about scheduling with their office. I told her I suffer from mental health issues which often hinders me in making choices I feel are not deserving of a quick decision. I said things are not always black and white, and I often weigh decisions while scrutinizing the gray areas. She reiterated about her 20 years of experience with calling different people with different issues including mental health ones on behalf of her husband; then she almost seemed to brag about how she is married to the attorney I was trying to hire. I knew right then and there that I had no recourse with this wicked witch. She stated it was too late for them to schedule me or for me to hire them and that I was lucky to even get $500 out of this case. I replied that I do not like frivolous lawsuits. She responded by saying that my case was never going to be a lawsuit anyway, it was just going to be them helping me get my car fixed and my medical expenses covered. I was livid, and I finally told her it was best to just stop talking and go our separate ways. I said that I was told from the beginning that they would sue the other party, but since they have now chosen not to help me sue that I could get my insurance company to handle things. I managed to tell her before we hung up that because I do suffer from mental health issues, I tend to put others needs before my own, and that is why I procrastinated; otherwise, I would have hired an attorney right away. She kept being aloof and flip. This woman is barbaric. If Ivan ever needed a female sidekick, this woman would have sufficed. I don't know what I am going to do. All I know is that so much time has been wasted. I never wanted to get a million dollars from this. I just wanted to do the right thing and be taken care of properly - with respect and mindfulness. My back pain is at a 9 because of the attorney's rep-from-hell. She wasn't the sole cause of my pain and sleep disorder of late, but she sure didn't help at all. Everyone in West Texas hide your puppies – Cruella de Vil is on the loose. 

Book of Pain: Paranoia Definitely Will Destroy YA - So Will Insomnia

 Well, my sleep pattern is all fucked up. I am faced with so many challenges, and in all honesty, I just don't want to face any of them. I just want to roll up and I don't know what. I sleep during the day. I make sure I fulfill my work duties, of course. I am on a break from grad school until the Summer semester begins on May 31st, so that's a blessing of sorts in that I don't have to worry about my clients. Right now, I am just perplexed. My life is a damn enigma. I texted the attorney yesterday to say I would move forward with them, but I have not heard back. I texted that lady from hell who scares the bejezzus outta me; let's hope she returns my text. I do not look forward to hearing from her at all. I just want to tell someone how she mistreated me and how negatively she spoke to me and how she's the big reason I haven't been able to make up my mind about hiring a lawyer. I am too damn old to let anyone push me around like this. I normally don't let anyone mistreat me or talk down to me, so it just mystifies me that this one lady can scare me so much. I just don't understand it at all. I am afraid of every thing anf every one these days. I just want to sleep and have no responsibilities. I wish I wasn't in this situation. My negative job security scares me; my grad school bills scare me; my grad school obligations scare me. I worry about things I did not used to worry about before this stupid car wreck. I wish things could go back before that guy rammed into my vehicle. Life was still complex, but I at least had direction and being scared was not in the cards. My back pain today is at a 7. The pills my doctor prescribed don't help me much. I don't know what would help me. Ughhh!

Book of Pain: My Boss Called with a Weird Message

 My boss at UTPB called me. He said that CCWTx had a couple of job openings in case I wanted to apply. I was getting ready to call the attorney when my boss called me, so I did not pay much attention to what he said. Then, as I had time to let his call bake, per se, I thought it was much too weird that he would tell me that. I wondered if he wants me to quit or does he want to get rid of me. The mental fatigue I have experienced is probably leading me to making up stories (like the stories we tell our clients in counseling). After all, he has never told me that he is unhappy with my work performance. NOT ONCE has he voiced any displeasure with my work. I really think that the car accident has done a number on me. Ever since the wreck, there is something wrong with my mental abilities. I am finding it hard to focus, I just want to be left alone, I think that maybe life would be easier if I didn't have to be a part of it, and I am just scared. I am scared of my boss being unhappy with me. I am scared of the medical bills I might incur because of the wreck. I am scared of hiring an attorney and things not working out in my favor. To be honest, the lady from the attorney's office scares me and makes me upset at the same time. She has not really been pleasant to talk to. She has been somewhat berating and condescending to me. She has told me that everyone is busy and everyone has things to do, but that I need to take things serious and decide what I want to do. She is pushing me toward doing something I am not ready to do especially since I haven't even spoken to the actual attorney yet. The last time I spoke to this lady at the attorney's, she was talking down to me all while she had kids yelling in the background. I don't know where she was, but it sounded like maybe she was home, and her kids were playing around and yelling. Whatever her situation was, she was unprofessional and unethical. Oh, my paid today is a whopping 8. Chiropractors scare me. My insomnia is getting worse. I am scared all the damn time.

Book of Pain: Mother's Day

I am missing my Mom. She has been gone for almost eleven years. I hate mother's day. It makes me sad not to have my Mom around anymore. I miss her. I miss calling her or her calling me each night. I miss her voice. Mostly, I miss her advice. She would be able to get me to make up my mind about what I need to do about hiring an attorney and how to defend myself against that angry lawyer's rep from hell. LoL. I can imagine the choice words my Mom would have about that rep. I just wish I could talk to my Mom one more time. My spouse's family from Lubbock was here visiting. They left today. I wish my back was not giving me grief or I would have been more able to hang out with them and I would have cooked up a nice breakfast and lunch before they left. My uncle suffers from chronic back pain, so he and I had a lot of things to talk about. I completely understand that our issues are not the same, though. His back issues are chronic while mine, I hope, are temporary. Anyhow, my back pain today is at a 7, and my mental fatigue is through the roof, and my insomnia is getting worse.