Book of D: Living Large

Whether you believe that "living large" means being able to afford lavish things, living off the government dole for months or years (because "you lazy, dude!"), or as the Urban Dictionary explains: ". . . being able to have a bigger shoe collection than most women," there is a lot to contemplate. For me, living large doesn't necessarily mean that you are filthy rich or that you have things you may not have had as a child; it encompasses the ability to afford to do things and buy things you could not when you were younger. Think of it this way, it is younger you against older you; no one else is involved (not even your parents or guardians and such). The act of living large is living a better life for yourself, so you are never dependent on anyone else. I started thinking about the meaning of "living large" while I perused through some online stores in hopes of buying a holiday cardigan (with a zipper) for work. I came across a website, and I loved their logo: the shaka, which is the hand sign for hang loosethat sold clothing. 

At first, I thought the website,  Living Large, was going to be a cyber meditation venue - but it was not, and it was indeed for clothes. The algorithm was spot-on for what I was shopping for: clothes. Or as the tech industry would say, the algorithm is correct when it delivers a tangible competitive advantage. Or was it really correct because the kind of clothing the webstore offered is not what I would normally purchase for work (lol), but it did get me to take a breather from online shopping, so I could be more present while my spouse's family is here visiting us for the weekend. Man, that was an all out kind of a tangent right there was it not? Perhaps living large should include having your mental faculties in check and not being a couple of beers short of a six-pack. LOL. Another damn tangent. 

Book of D: Holding Space

"Holding space" is a trendy phrase these days . . . but what does it mean? The definition of holding space is to be present with someone, without judgment. It means selflessly lending your ears and heart without motive or reciprocal expectations. Moreover, holding space entails the use of both empathy and compassion. 

With that said, my university division came together late Tuesday afternoon to "hold space" together at the Student Activity Center (SAC) after finding out that our colleague, Stacie, had died. I was unable to join them. I was off that day. Actually, I took vacation to perform my civic duties on both Monday and Tuesday as an election worker. I wanted to take an early leave from working the elections upon hearing that my colleague had died. The location I had been assigned to monitor (7 am to 7 pm) was not as busy as it had been in the morning. The other election workers there said I should leave and that they would be okay if I left - besides, they added, the polls weren't due to close for a couple more hours and voter turn-out was slowing down a little. I decided to stay and monitor my assigned voting location. One, it was my honor to be there as a certified election worker as I had taken the required courses, primers, and refreshers; and two, staying there would keep me busy and grounded. I texted my boss, Corey, and told him that I wish I could have been on campus to "share space" with our division. He said, "me, too." It's still so surreal that we lost Stacie. She had so much going for her. But, isn't that when life decides to cash in its chips: when you finally have your shit together? Yeah, that's a rhetorical question!

Book of D: Exasperated: WTF, Uvalde

While the survivors and surviving families of the Robb Elementary School victims and other gun control advocates worked diligently for months to try to create sound gun reform in Texas - which weighed heavily on changing governors, 60% of the Uvalde voters turned a blind eye, went rogue, and voted red. How heartbreakingly disappointing that more than 60% of the vote in Uvalde County went for Abbott.

Per Einstein's famous quote, insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. This adage is so true, and it would be indicative of Uvalde county, as a whole, if every single resident had voted to re-elect Abbott; however, 40% of the voters cast their choice and said "no" to Abbott. The 60% of Uvalde residents who voted for no change, well, they are the ones who are insane. I hope the 60% never has to experience the slaughter of their loved ones or of themselves because Texas can't get their shit together when it comes to guns. Although I never had children, I stand proudly as a member of Moms Demand Action. My thoughts and continued prayers and good karma continues for the victims and loved ones of the 19 children and two teachers who were killed by a lone gunman on May 24, 2022. My wish is that one day, they will get justice by way of gun control, or firearms regulation, in the state of Texas and on the federal level. 

Book of D: Elections and Death

Those damn elections! Well, I wasn't holding my breath that Beto would beat Greggy, but I was hoping my gut feelings were wrong and that maybe this would be the year Texas would smarten up and elect another democratic governor. The usual Texas metropolitan areas (Austin, Dallas, El Paso, Houston, and San Antonio) voted for Beto, but it just wasn't enough in the end.

The newest and latest republican-led plundering and pillaging of voting boundaries through district manipulation (a.k.a. gerrymandering) has not been kind to Texas Democrats. Those fucking republicans are vile. Unfortunately, the  rural areas are just too darn antiquated and ancient with their views and keep voting republican. Maybe next time, Beto. I was excited about Beto - as much as I was when Wendy Davis ran for Texas governor in 2014. It's 'whatevs,' Texas right-wing thugs. Davis is still and always will be a badass. She would have made an excellent governor; just like Ann Richards. I will always remember Davis's 13-hour filibuster. WOW! As for Beto, perhaps Texas is just not worthy of someone like him.

The part of today's post title about "death" does not at all have to do with the fact that O'Rourke lost to Abbott. You see, this late afternoon, the university where I work sent out an email to our division letting us know that one of our colleagues had passed away earlier in the day. My friend and colleague, Stacie Smith, passed away today, Tuesday, Nov. 8th, following complications from surgery.

Stacie's sudden death put things in perspective: although the mid-term elections were important, not just for Texas, life holds and will always hold more value. Stacie's death was a reminder of how life can change in an instant. I was in shock to say the least, and so saddened by the news. Stacie was the University counselor for the student population. Despite her position mostly being to serve students, it was not surprising that every now and then, several of us (staff, faculty, etc.) would don her doorway for banter that would eventually turn into questions or sharing of feelings (i.e. counseling). Stacie always tried to make time for people. Her and I were working with the counseling and psychology graduate programs to establish a UTPB Counseling Center next January 2023. Stacie and I were developing plans and prepping for the Center by getting familiar with the Titanium software and other components that would be essential. On a personal note,

Stacie helped me a lot when I was in the counseling program by posing mental health scenarios and asking questions that would help me better learn the different modalities of counseling and the DSM 5 (our bible). Moreover, she helped me make sense when the program head and I were at odds with one another, and Stacie was key in helping me decide to stay in the program when I was nearing my final academic year. Stacie went to bat for me when the program head was being difficult with me, and she put in a good word for me to said program head when she saw how dedicated and hard working I was being as a practicum student. Poor Stacie, she had just bought her first house last year. She will be sorely missed. Per my communication with my sisters, whom I shared the news of Stacie's sudden demise, I stated that the counseling program will be working even more diligently towards creating the much-needed counseling center. There are five of us working on this (including the program head and Stacie), and we were just talking about, before Stacie took medical leave, possible names for the center. I hope it gets named after Stacie. UTPB has named other centers on campus after ppl who didn't really deserve it, except they had lots of $$$ donor mula. 🙂 IMO, Stacie is deserving of a center bearing her name, and I can say that sans bias. Things weren't always golden with rainbows and unicorns between Stacie and me; we most certainly did not have a perfect relationship. Our association was at times muddled . . . we had our ups and downs. There were times that we disagreed - but never in a disrespectful or billigernt manner. I liked knowing where she stood on certain issues. Stacie told me she respected how I stood up for myself and what I believed in. That, my readers, is mutual respect, and I will miss that because there is so little mutual-respect in this quirky world these days. My word, how I will indeed miss my friend and colleague. The news was devastating to many of us - for me especially. I will hurt knowing she will no longer be just four floors away from seeing her friendly but often times tired face. She will no longer be just four floors away from bidding a quick hello - as she was often in a hurry - for obvious reasons. She will no longer be just four floors away for several of us to seek much-needed advice or in need of hearing, "it's gonna be okay." Rest in peace, Stacie.

Book of D: Higher Ed Pedagogy & Life Lessons via Lesbian Movies

I love watching movies. Whenever I want to self-indulge, I turn to old movies. I love em all . . . period pieces, black and white, foreign, war time, maritime - and subtitles are wonderful. I belong to the TCM Wine Club – Pairing Wine and Movies. I do more watching than I do drinking, which is good, I guess. Haha. I am a firm believer that regardless of a person's age (mostly a self-reference), the person should be cultured in many genres and forms of life and entertainment. For example with music, I was born in the late 60s, but it doesn't mean I should only be versed in music of my generation. Moreover, I should know music that pre-dates me. I am fortunate in that regard, having been the youngest in a family of eight (mom, dad, one brother, and four sisters). They each introduced me to different types of music and musicians. The same goes for movies, novels, comics, and even food: my family members were my first influencers. I like to think I have acquired a vast wealth of knowledge not just through my family, but through the different people I have met, jobs I have held, and the many travels and adventures I have partaken of in my lifetime. It would be really wonderful if I could take all of that knowledge and create a classroom where I could share and teach. More distinctly, I would love to teach others about the LGBTQ community through movies. Yes, through movies. I would love to share the movies as I saw them and was able to compare (and contrast) them to my own life. It would be invigorating to share how I took the different meanings and lessons from each movie and explain how I was able to learn from each one. I will list them, but I will not explain why - that is for another post. 

Some of the lesbian-inspired movies I would include in my course: 

Another Country (1984), Desert Hearts (1985), Maurice (1987), Fried Green Tomatoes (1991), The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love (1995), Bound (1996), Fire (1996), Chasing Amy (1997), Gia (1998), High Art (1998), Lost and Delirious (2001), Kissing Jessica Stein (2001), My Summer of Love (2004), Saving Face (2004), Imagine Me & You (2005), I Can’t Think Straight (2008), Elena Undone (2010), Blue is the Warmest Color (2013), Carol (2015), Reaching for the Moon (2013), Tru Love (2013), Margarita With a Straw (2014), Jenny’s Wedding (2015), Duck Butter (2018), Lizzie (2018), Tell It to the Bees (2019), Ammonite (2020) . . . .

These are just a few lesbian-themed movies with which I would first begin the course. My list of LGBTQ movies is extensive, so if I were to include more than just the lesbian movies, the class would be neverending - to say the least. My preference is mostly because of my own personal association with lesbian matters (and affairs of the heart and mind, if you will). 

However, if I did have to pick one LGBT, non-lesbian movie, it would have to be Another Country (1984). I will explain, why I would include this movie in my course - in another post, as I stated previously.

So . . .  to each one of these films, I dedicate a special part of me that will never be lost or given away because of their paramount, cardinal meaning and inspiration. Memories deeply instilled of the different nuances of what love once meant to me and what it has come to mean at this juncture of my life.