Boof of D: Celebrating Day of the Dead / Día de los Muertos

Our university is once again going all out to celebrate the traditional Mexican holiday: Día de los Muertos. Today, I am remembering my loved ones whom have passed away. Mostly, celebrating the lives of my late Mom, Dad, brother, nephew, and of course my cat. So, this is for each one of you.

Mama, you were born on a Monday, September 3, 1934. You passed away (much too soon) on a Thursday, November 17, 2011. I was with you the morning you started your beautiful journey home to meet your Maker. We called 9-1-1 when you took a turn for the worse. My heart broke that I was not with you as you passed away in the ambulance. Your heart gave out. Your little body was so tired. After all, you had been battling with so many health issues for such a long time. You battled with hypertension, rheumatoid arthritis, dermatomyositis, and esophageal cancer. Never mind the many, many years before when you worked so hard in so many arduous and laborious jobs. I never knew a time that you did not work. As for your myriad of illnesses, Mama, you never gave up till the very end. You kept up our spirits by showing us how a strong person moves forward through adversity. You instilled sublime values in us and always, always showed us unconditional love. You passed away one week before your favorite holiday: Thanksgiving. It was so hard to celebrate it without you, but we did so for you; 'we were not going to start disappointing you now,' we all thought. We gathered at your beautiful home and celebrated. We laughed as we shared memories of you, and of course, we cried. Our hearts were so broken. As for myself, I felt such an emptiness, loneliness, and heartache; unlike anything I had ever felt. My stomach hurt and my jaw ached. I knew my sisters were feeling the same way, so I tried extra hard to be there for them that day. I even made sure we celebrated my sister Eva's birthday - as we always did on Thanksgiving since her grand day falls on the 25th. This might sound cheesy and blasé, but I have had people ask how long it took me to get over my mom's death, and my answer always has been and always will be . . . "as soon as I do, I'll let you know, but don't hold your breath." Personally, I know I will NEVER get over losing my dear, beautiful Mom. ¡Como te extraño, Mama!

Papi, you were born on a Thursday, October 24, 2918. You passed away on a Thursday, August 18, 1983. That was the first day of my junior year in high school. My life changed forever on that day. Life changed for all of us that day, dad, especially for mom. I wish I had had more time with you, dad. I didn't get to spend as much "quality" time with you like my siblings did, but we were on our way. Weren't we, dad? Life had other plans and although love was in abundance, time was not. You were so young when you left. I know it's not your fault. I have no one or nothing to blame for that, so I think the anger that plagued me for years is why I had such a difficult time letting go of people and things that weren't really right for me. I am grateful for the although too short 17 years I had you for my father, and I especially give thanks thart you instilled in me a virtue to love myself and avoid those who did not. Sometimes it took me a while, dad, to escape those people, but eventually, I figured things out. I miss you so much, Papi.

Rudy, Jr., my only brother, you were born on a Monday, March 5, 1956. You passed away on a Saturday, June 26, 2021. My brother, you, too, passed away much too soon. Although we were estranged for so many years, the last part of you life was most meaningful to me as we were trying to make up for lost time. You left behind a loving wife and three young men whom have all done amazing things with their lives. I know you were very proud of your family. Your family had grown exponentially during the past couple of years, and it was evident how much your wife, sons, and grandchildrten meant to you and how much you adored them. I miss you - I miss the "what could have been." It is similar to when we lost dad because our relationship was just beginning to rekindle when your Maker came around to reclaim you. 

Philip, Jr., you were born on a Friday, June 13, 1980. You passed away on a Thursday, May 4, 2000. My dear nephew, you were more like a son to me, OMG, how it hurt when you died. I can still hear my brother's-in-law voice when he called to tell me that Philip "didn't make it." You were such an amazing person. I was always so proud of you. No matter how tough life was, you were stronger. I still envision you as a little boy with that cute crew cut who loved wearing cowboy boots and hats. You were so shy. As your grew into a young man, your innocence remained unadulterated by the ills that often consume others. You were very mindufl of others. Your love and respect of your mom, dad, sisters, grandma, all of us (your family) remains with to this day, and I often use you as the litmus test when your cousins bring home a date and such. You left behind big shoes to fill. You were my first Red Raider buddy. How fun it was to have gone to our first Texas Tech football game together in 1995. You, Rudy, Erica, and I had a blast. That is the memorty I mostly carry with me these days: the fun times. I miss you like crazy, Mijo.

Caty, my precious Maine Coon kitty. You were born on a Sunday, April 15, 2007; you "rescued" us in August of that year when you chose us to be your forever home. You passed away on a Monday, August 29, 2022. Your "mama" and I were with you, so was your aunt Josie and cousin Alex. We all took turns loving on you. The look on your mama's face is emblazoned in my memory as are her cries as you took your last breath and your heart beat for the last time. You were the best fur baby. You were never rambunctious or wild. You were so cool, calm, and collected. Your character made us feel safe and serene. Experts says your tranquil nature was because you were in a loving home with caring human parents. I agree to the extent that the love and respect was reciprocal. You are missed every single day, my Caty. You left such a huge gap in my heart. I'm not going to try to fill it. I am living with it and using my wonderful memories of you to carry on as best as possible. I miss you like the deserts miss the rain.

Book of D: Adult ASD, Introversion . . . or Just Socially Awkward

According to the Healthline website, social ineptness and social awkwardness do not stem from mental health issues; in actuality, there is no diagnostic criteria or solid definition for social ineptness and social awkwardness. It's just a feeling (or a collection of feelings and experiences) that forms a pattern in a person's life. As a matter of fact, social ineptness and social awkwardness are merely failures to notice certain social cues that causes these feelings and experiences. 

There, the awkwardness of the medical definition is out of the way. Now, it's my time to rant about my personal issues with social ineptness and social awkwardness, especially when it pertains to my newer coworkers (newbies). First of all, none of them really know me. The ones who knew me best retired, are on medical leave, or went to work elsewhere. To be fair to the newbies in our department, they have not had the opportunity to get to know me. I have probably not done enough to get to know them. I can be a little monosyllabic or even curt without me really noticing it. As I have gotten older, my pretenses have lessened - meaning that I don't like pretending that I like someone or something just to fit in with the rest of the crowd. I'm a GDI (i.e. a god-damn independent). I march to the beat of my own drum these days, and I am unapologetic about doing so. As for the comment I made about being fair to my newbies, I was telecommuting for a while, so I haven't been working on campus very long. They joined the department during my work-from-home stint, so they all had the good fortune of getting to know each other fairly well and bond - without me  I'm still in the early phases of acclimating; therefore, I reckon I am actually the newbie. Hmmm. Anyway, stupid covid caused me to become more of an introvert than usual. 

I opted to stop working from home when I graduated from grad school, so when I did return in-person to campus this Fall (2022), our department had new people, new faces. I was excited - but guarded. Still, I missed working from home which elicited the horsemen-of-obstinance to arise in me (probably more like a jackass), and it caused my anxiety for new people to soar. Mainly because I don't like small talk; I have never reveled in it. In fact, I loathe it; unless the person likes a lot of the things that I find of interest or is disposed to partake in profound topics that engage me, I would just as soon avoid the person. I do better in one-on-one conversations, which is why I love being a counselor. Don't get me wrong, all my new colleagues are actually really nice people.  However, a couple of them can be loud. And, I don't do loud. I abhor it and concede that it is more of a character flaw. I don't know if they realize how loud they are, but it makes me uncomfortable. I have a low and quiet voice; I don't like having to go too many decibels to be heard; it is unnerving and upsetting when I do. Because I view being loud as a flaw, it makes me not want to be part of it, so when I do raise my voice or reach a near scream, I feel like a fool. I usually picture myself as Sheldon Cooper: he didn't like or do loud either. LOL. On a side note, 

I think Sheldon was autistic (or compulsive) despite the Big Bang Theory producers and Jim Parsons saying the Sheldon character did not have autism spectrum disorder (ASD). I beg to differ that Sheldon was probably on the cusp of the spectrum or compulsivity range; after all, Sheldon did have issues with germs and numbers, and he possessed the "precision" thing that we see in ASD and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Sheldon, like myself, was socially awkward, but his character leaned more toward possessing social ineptness. I am not inept. I actually do notice other people and take my cues from how they talk and act, and I oblige as appropriately required - or I gently walk away after the obligatory salutations and valedictions. I try not to offend others, but when I am in my element (i.e. writing or reading or even doing algebraic equations for fun), I can seem quite standoffish and probably rude. 

All this talk of social ineptness and social awkwardness reminds me of a funny story that dates back to 1998 when I started working as a district manager for a marketing / merchandising company. During my 10 years with the company, they held our annual national conference(s) in Detroit, Chicago, or St. Louis. 

This one district manger from Louisiana, during my first conference, told me she thought I was either mean or snooty. I was taken aback. I had to do some light PR work to clear the air and get her to realize that I was actually friendly (and funny). During my second conference, I distinctly remember the company chartering a bus for all the district managers, regional managers, and account execs to visit our headquarters in Taylorville, IL (before they moved it to Minneapolis). We had a great time during the bus trip; lots of bantering and getting to know one another went on, and when it came my time to introduce myself, I provided a short bio, people were engaged at everything I shared. When I finished recounting bits of my life, one of the regional DM's said, "Dora, you're so friendly. Since you started working here, I just thought you were a snob or a bitch." She was a sweet, older lady who was known to be a smartass and to cut up from time to time. The bus grew quiet; I sensed that some people tensed up after she told me that, so I just started laughing, and everyone else on the bus busted out laughing, too. Several people took the liberty to tell me how they were afraid of me or thought I didn't like to be bothered, etcetera. LOL. Two things happened for me on that day. One, I was relieved that my colleagues liked me after all (I went all Sally Field receiving her Oscar: 'I can’t deny the fact that you like me. Right now, you like me!'); and two, I learned to stop telling myself stories (CBT 101) about how others might not like me. The experience provided much insight for me, which helped me start interacting more with others. I transcended in interacting with others and being extroverted. Move ahead almost a decade, covid came along and screwed things up. Sadly, it not only killed millions, but it took away people's autonomy, freedom, and security. For me, covid made me become introverted again to the point where I craved working alone. I still liked to do the fellowship thing and hang out with family and friends, but when it came to work, I just wanted to be left alone to work the voodoo only I knew how to do, and I excelled at it. 

So, now we are surviving (hopefully beating) covid, and I just have to keep things in check and not be so hard on others, especially when I have not personally held out an olive branch or made the first move to get to know them. Ultimately, I cannot expect others to know me and be mindful of my own character flaws if I haven't made the first move to get to know them on a personal basis; not just work and career. 

Well, folks, that's my rant for the day. It is the final day of Samhain (Oct. 31 - Nov. 1), and although we are not farmers or Wiccans with bonfires to light, sacrifices to make, or livestock to slaughter, we are university staff with lots of students to help. I am glad I was able to write this today during my lunch time. 

Book of D: HAPPY SPOOKYWEEN

It's Halloween and our university loves to go full force in celebration of it. There is an individual costume contest, which I did not enter, and a group (departmental) room decorating one. Our department opted for the celebrity insurance theme. These days, we are bombarded by tons of commercials set forth by this country's not-so-wonderful insurance carriers and underwriters (and yet, millions upon millions are not insured or underinsured) . . . Oops, Tangent. My bad! Anyway, for our department's insurance theme, I decided to go as Limu Emu and Doug from Liberty Mutual Insurance. I even managed a like and a comment from the Liberty Insurance people on Insta. My colleagues donned the following: John as Gecko from Geico; Stephanie as Dr. Rick from Progressive; Amber as Flo from Progressive; Isaiah as Jake from State Farm; Jashon as The General from the eponymous co.; and Diana's baby was Maxwell the Geico pig and her puppy was Mayhem from All-State. 

It has been a riotous day. Admittedly, our team started out early; we began decorating our area yesterday (Sunday, 10/30/22) . . . après the Dallas Cowboy's game, of course. Our student workers, Isaiah and Jashon, actually started really early on Sunday. John and I waited after the game to join in on the decorating. Stephanie was flying back from Austin (TACUSPA Conference) and Amber had family over, so they came later. Stephanie left early but bought our student workers food from Raising Cane's. Amber also left early but not before doing a wonderful job painting where needed. The rest of the guys and I stayed late, but the three of them stayed about 30 minutes after I left. John masterminded the entire decorating project; he envisioned what he thought we should have, and we made it come to fruition, somehow. 

It was tiring. John is a colleague; he is the UTPB Coordinator of Military and Veterans Support Services, but these past couple days, he has worked us harder than our own boss (LOL), Corey, who is the UTPB Assistant Vice President and Dean of Students. John is a good guy and an excellent coworker. We have a wonderful team. Soon, maybe next Spring 2023, we will all be moving to the second floor of the Student Activity Building (SAC), and we will be part of the Center for Student Belonging and Inclusion; Diana is the director; the rest of us will remain coordinators with the two guys staying on as our student workers. This is most likely the last semester we will celebrate holidays in the Falcon Center. It's all good in the neighborhood!