Book of D: I Believe in Santa Claus and Coach Mike Leach

I never met either one, but for reasons respective of each one, I believe in them. For the little kid that is supposed to live within each of us especially during the holiday advent or season, I still believe in old St. Nick. The meaning behind Santa is one of spreading holiday cheer after all, and I definitely partake in that. I believe in all the positive and loving things that "Father Christmas" represents. I also believe in the legend that is Mike Leach. He died much too soon last night following a massive heart attack from which he never recovered. I was sad to hear of his sudden illness and rush to the hospital. I thought about his wife and children right away - just as I do whenever someone I knew passes away. I immediately think of the loved ones. I was especially torn when I heard Coach Leach was being taken off life support and taken for hospice care. My heart knows all-too-well what that damn hospice care really means. I still remember my late Mom's eyes when hospice care was brought up following her blighted prognosis and how stupidly I sounded when I tried convincing her that hospice care did not mean what she thought. Boy, Mama must have thought I was ridiculous the minute those fucking words left my mouth. I was gut-busted when the news of Coach Leach's death was finally announced to the public this morning. You see, as I already said, I did not know the man; however, I still liked him and admired him and his [maniacal] coaching ways - mostly during his 9+ years as the head football coach of Ŧexas Ŧech U. He was called many things due to his aberrant playcalls, but after his death, the sport's pundits finally admitted that coach Leach was a football legend. Leach did for college football and our Ŧexas Ŧech football program what many before him had failed to do: he made college ball and Ŧech so freaking exciting to watch. He brought us a very different approach to the spread offense, and he literally designed "air raid!" I scarcely doubted our Red Raiders would lose under the mad coaching skills of Leach. Even if Ŧech lost, there was a reason for it, but I seldom blamed coach Leach. Leach always took the blame, and he often took others "down" with him with some choice (but funny) words for his players and coaching staff. His remarks always made me laugh and helped me to better brush off a Ŧech loss. I knew he would have the team ready for the next game following a loss. Coach Leach never pussyfooted around the media either; he called shit for the shit it was. He used humor like the straightman in a comedy duo would, and it would make one wonder, "did he really just say that?" and "Did he mean to say that?" Anyway, I will miss Coach Leach. I will always be saddened that the Ŧexas Ŧech admin fired him in '09. My spouse and I protested and marched back then to demand that the admin hire him back and to explain why they believed some whiny player and his arrogant father (who was an ESPN commentator at the time). Whatever the reason, Coach found a new home as HC at Washington State U (WSU Cougers). Eventually, he would grow his talents as a head coach and found yet another home at Mississippi State, where he was coaching when he passed. I always followed coach's career and would make sure to watch him coach his teams on tv as long as it did not interfere with my Ŧexas Ŧech football games. I am sure going to miss watching him coach Miss St. this year. He led them to a college bowl, and I was excited to watch him coach his Bulldogs. BTW, the Miss St. Bulldogs will face off against the Illinois Fighting Illini in the ReliaQuest Bowl on January 2, 2023 in Tampa Bay. This video was made for Coach Leach by our Raiderland family. I added the captions. Rest well, Coach (Captain Our Captain).

Book of D: The Menacing Dream: What Would You Do

What would you do? If you were having a menacing dream for three days straight, and you were at your wits end, what would you do? The trepid dream has actually been a lingering one for me for many years; it comes and it goes, and what it means, nobody knows. I know, I know that rhymed. I wasn't trying to go all Dr. Suess on you all. These dreams are just plain ole freaking me out. 

I guess that in the scheme of things, trying to figure out what it means to be dreaming these dreams is kind of pointless. After all, trying to make sense or even contemplating a fix would only lead to a rabbit hole. A dark rupture in all things sensical. I can see it work out, first you would seek to be the hero or the protagonist, but you would fail because in real life, no one ever really wins - not even the good guys or the heroes. In the real world, the question of 'what would you do' hardly ever bends to provide a clear answer. Seldom does life help turn a negative situation into a positive one. We're all humans after all, and we are bound to screw up something whilst trying to fix it. It wouldn't be broken in the first place if we humans only did better. Sometimes broken things, much like broken people, are best left alone.

Not everything needs to be perfect nor do we need to seek out a dystopian world because it really just doesn't exist. Humans were meant to screw things up. But, the question is: were we meant to try to fix everything we break?!! If we break a plate, do we fix it? There are many underlying issues that we must ponder before we decide if said plate is even worth fixing. For one, is it worth it, both monetarily and psychologically. Is the plate too expensive to replace . . . does the plate create innate satisfaction? These are just a couple of questions we could pose to ourselves that would make fixing the plate worth it or not. Okay, so omit the plate scenario and plug in a relationship. What if a relationship is broken. How does a person figure out if said relationship should be fixed or not. After all, there really is no monetary amount affixed to one's heart; actually, there shouldn't be monetary value when it pertains to matters of the heart. So, we move on to ask ourselves if the relationship holds psychological value? I'm sure the answer is probably going to be yes, so there must be other factors to input at this point because deeming a relationship as important is not enough for a person to want to fix it. Is trying to fix the relationship going to 'open Pandora's Box,' per se, or will the end result become a copacetic fix. Ugh, just trying to answer some of these questions is gnawing at my gut. I need to take a break from all of this pondering and wondering and just chill.

Ŧexas Ŧech Double Ŧs for Ŧexting

Ŧexas Ŧech University

Book of D: Let's Go to the Movies

The Menu (2022): It's a movie I have been wanting to see ever since the first promo trailer premiered. It stars Ralph Fiennes, who is one of my favorite British actors. Fiennes plays a world-class acclaimed chef who prepares a lavish tasting menu, along with some shocking surprises ala unexpected ingredients. TBC. Our UTPB's annual Celebration on the Quad awaits. I have volunteered to help set up the event, which starts at 6 PM. BRB!

Book of D: The Feels

Ughhh. Why do I allow myself to feel this way. I wish there was a magic pill that could make the feels go away. All these days of anticipation for answers about my workspace appear to be leading up to nothing. Nothing has changed. El jefe is still being evasive and nonconforming. Hell, he can't actually succumb to being a nonconformist if he hasn't even been around to hear my pleas and ideas. Hell, I'm not asking for much. I just want what my peers are getting: a nice office with carpet, ceiling tiles, new desk (sit-to-stand) and matching shelves and hutch. The shithole that has been proposed - last week, mind you - is pathetic. My colleague spoke to me about it earlier this morning. As usual, he and I were the first ones to work in the area where our offices are located. The other two cohorts had not yet arrived and neither had our student workers.

My colleague said he heard from the grapevine that I was being assigned an office sans carpet and tile. I said, "yeup" and proceeded to show him the pictures I had taken last week. The area I will be taking on as my "office" used to belong to the literature department; they used it as a library. The reason there is no carpet or ceiling tile is because they wanted as much space possible, vertically as as well as horizontally, that would allow the tallest shelves, and as many of them that would fit the circumference of the room, thus providing more space for books and such. It was a tight-fit according to the communications specialist who is helping me with the move by providing me with a phone line and access for my computer and laptop docking station. To revamp one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite romcom movies, "I'm also just a girl standing in front of 'her boss' asking him to 'get her a decent office.'" It's seems so elementary to solve the feeling of crappiness - or feeling crappy - but I assure you that it is not that simple. If it was easy, most therapists would be out of a job and the person who figured out the magic pill or potion would be more rich that Bill Gates, Elon Musk, and Warren Buffet combined.

Book of D: Crimes of Racist America

Till: Till is a 2022 biographical film about Mamie Till Mobley whose 14-year-old son Emmett Till was lynched in 1955. Till became an activist and fought for justice following her son's unmerited and abominable death. The movie is really good, and most of the time, it is jarringly painful and infuriating – as it well should be. Lest we forget.

The murder of Emmett Till continues to haunt the American imagination and tarnish the decadent southern reputation. Although Emmett was from Chicago, his visit to the Delta in August 1955 to visit relatives, will forever be nomenclature regarding the racist South. The younger Till was castigated for communicating with Carolyn Bryant in the store owned by Carolyn’s husband, Roy, in Money, Mississippi, where Emmett had entered to buy bubble gum. Apparently Till whistled at or spoke to Carolyn; no one knows for certain, but it was enough to infuriate Roy Bryant and his half-brother J. C. Milam to ruthlessly murder Emmett. It took three days to recover Emmett's body from the Tallahatchie River, where Bryant and Milam disposed of Till's body, by tying a seventy-five-pound cotton gin fan tied around his neck to weigh it down – after they had already cracked open Emmett's skull and gouged his eye out. Mamie insisted on an open-casket funeral so that everyone could see what had been done to her Emmett. Jet magazine and other media sources published pictures of his mangled body, which horrified the world. Adding to the infamy of their crime, Till’s murderers were acquitted by an all-white, all-male jury in Sumner, Mississippi, on September 23, 1955, and a few months later sold the story of how they abducted, tortured, and killed Till to William Bradford Huie for a Look magazine interview. Although justice was never served in the case, Till’s brutal death and the subsequent sham trial were a catalyst for the Civil Rights Movement. 

I dare anyone to Google "Emmett Till death photos" and not become indignant over the injustice nor to be able to refrain from despondency or commiseration over the severity of his savage injuries.

Book of D: Self-Reparation

I remember yearning for a love that didn't exist . . . at least not in this worldly realm called earth. If someone did or didn't do something for me that made me feel safe and secure - I saw it as a sign that the person didn't love me. In actuality, it was me not loving myself enough and not being able to find the security that can only be obtained within oneself. I punished others for not being able to help me find the love I was so feverishly craving  - from myself. 

Unbeknownst to me, there was never going to be any one person who would be able to love me enough or make me feel secure enough until I was ready and cognizant enough to love myself. True story.

Book of D: The Omnipotence Paradox: Overcoming Stagnation

What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? That is an age-old question. The question remains adroitly oriented - with both the unstoppable force and the immovable object having become analogous to each other. Much like the relationship between a ruler and his subjects as analogous to that of father and children. Folks, it's like Thanos versus Everybody else at MCU. Hell, even in the movie The Dark Knight when the eponymous character throws caution and circumspect to the wind as he does battle, before delving into conversation, with the always antagonistic Joker. The latter makes mention of said unstoppable force meeting an immovable object and adds that their conflict is "destined to last forever."

The Dark Knight is told that he has too much misplaced self-righteousness to kill the Joker, and the Joker admits that he has way too much fun taunting the Dark Knight to kill him. Their views about being locked up in a padded cell are almost tantamount except the Dark Knight says that the Joker belongs in one and the Joker agrees but adds that they both belong in a padded cell. Truth reigns supreme most often, but not so much in the unstoppable force meeting an immovable object adage. It's still quite perplexing and paradoxical; to me, that is, especially when incorporating Newton’s 2nd Law, which states that Acceleration is equal to Force divided by Mass (A=F/M). Um, no! 

Hey, this should not rely on math or require scientific proof. 

All I really know is that when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object and causes stagnation, one of the variables must be eradicated or dismissed. There is no room in this person's life for stagnation. Sometimes I think that my exigent need to please others is the immovable object; however, my will to succeed in things I really want is the unstoppable force. Example in hand: I currently have a research project due for a committee I am heading up, but spending time with loved ones is important because of the holidays. The project is the unstoppable force but my loved ones are the immovable object. The project is going to have to wait, right? The object will redirect the force. But, don't tell Newton or the ones who study this stuff 24/7, 365. It's lame, I know. Stupid Jokes 'r' Us.

To my defense of being lame, we are working with a light staff this week at the university, so it's kind of boring around here. Plus, the majority of our students have already gone home for Thanksgiving. Most of us in the division are telecommuting tomorrow since we're only required to work a half day. There's no use, especially for those of us who drive in from Midland, to come in for just four hours. I might use my comp time today to go home early today, which is doubtful because I need to make progress on the research project.

Book of D: FIFA World Cup, Qatar, Human Rights ... Versus My Love of Soccer

The world-wide quadrennial tournament is underway. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I'm not referring to the peoples' physiognomy or outward appearances, I'm referencing the wayward and extremely antiquated politics and values of Qatar. Regardless of how people around the world view the country of Qatar, this year's World Cup is predicted (by statistical computation and algorithms) to attract 5 billion viewers — almost two-thirds of the planet’s population. Already, there has never been a World Cup anything close like Qatar 2022 - and this is before a soccer ball (fútbol) has even been kicked. There are a myriad of human rights groups in uproar and protest over everything from the mistreatment of LGBTQ people in Qatar where homosexuality is illegal as well as questions surrounding the mysterious deaths of the construction workers who have been exhaustingly building the facilities in Qatar. The storied organizer FIFA is trying to recover from scandals laden with outcries of corruption that have cast aspersions in relation to how Qatar was even considered and awarded the World Cup competition. Erstwhile, Sepp Blatter, FIFA chief, went on record to say he regretted that the Gulf country was picked as host. FIFA is adept at availing itself of the onerous responsibility of picking a host site every four years - much like the Olympics. So for anyone at FIFA, the world's most powerful (and loathed) sports organization, to attempt to show remorse for choosing such a dreadful location, I call blasphemy and ignominy (shame). Qatar is not only hateful in its maltreatment of women and the LGBTQ community, but its antiquated kafala labour system endangers austerity, poverty, and success among those still seen as part of the outgroup and outliers within its hidden caste system. Still, FIFA and the World Cup remain popular and prosperous. One writer said it best regarding the doubtless popularity of FIFA and the World Cup: the sport remains one of the last bastions of live television viewing considering how audiences have been fleeing traditional broadcasters for online streaming services in the last few years (2022).

As for me and my love of soccer (fútbol), it started in the 90s when Mia Hamm and company reigned supreme in the sport of women's' soccer. The United States Womens National Team (USWNT) was on fire and winning competition after competition. My girlfriend during that time was from Mexico, and a huge fútbol fan to boot (pardon the pun), so she provided much insight and tutelage to this American who did not yet fully appreciate "fútbol." As my education in soccer grew, so did my love of the sport. It was around the same time I started loving cycling and Le Tour de France. My gf taught me the logistics of soccer, but I ventured off on my own to learn the names of the players, their positions, how the pitch is controlled and how pitch is another name for the playing field, how the kit is the name for the standard equipment and attire worn by players, etcetera. G-d I adore soccer (fútbol), and I am so proud to be one of the first Americans to appreciate the beautiful game - before it gained in popularity in the USA. With all that stated, I wish I could boycott the current World Cup games, but I cannot. For my love of the game and of my National teams is much too mighty and potent. I scream and yell for all our National teams, so when World Cup soccer rears its face, I succumb and watch. Afterall, it's not every day that I get to cheer on Team USA. Before I end the post, one question: Why in the world did the USMNT not play Gio Reyna vs Wales on Tuesday, Nov. 21, 2022? The USMNT should have won that game 1-0 instead of allowing Wales to score for a 1-1 draw in the Group B opener. Team USA's most solid defender, Walker Zimmerman, foolishly conceded a futile penalty 10 minutes from fulltime, which then allowed Team Wales' own Gareth Bale the pk, which he "cashed in" in emphatic fashion to level the score, 1-1. Team USA never recovered. Again, where was Gio? We needed the three points, one point at this juncture might not be enough to make it out of the group. J.S.