Book of D: The Love of My Life

Sara and I were not yet dating when this picture was taken, but there was a lot of mutual admiration and respect between us. 

We got each other's sense of humor and love of history, reading, politics, family, and love of love. Respectively, we had each been through heartbreaking relationships. Sara's was more complicated and hurtful than mine. I was in a relationship with someone else when this picture was taken, but the relationship just prior had been such a cacophony of confusion plagued by years of painful reflection and resolution. All I know is that the more time I spent with Sara, the more I wanted to be with her, just to talk and find other things we had in common. It was uncanny how vast our similarities were. Moreover, our  differences made our mutual attraction more sublime. It didn't take long, after Sara and I formed our friendship, to realize that we were each other's answer to the great love we each thought would surely allude us in our lifetime. When I supported her trials at different relationships with others, before our mutual attraction sparked, it came with great care and caution; awareness for her, her beautiful heart, and willingness to risk too much to find her great love. I wasn't jealous, I was just vigilant. I supported Sara's decisions to take chances at meeting others. One time, I even helped Sara pay for a trip to Chicago and loaned her my luggage (lol), so she could meet the person she had been communicating with online. Those pesky little chatroooms back in the day. Haha. I never partook in chat rooms or dating sites myself. Upon meeting Sara, I was with someone (Ronnie) whom had captured my heart, or so I thought. It was more of a physical attraction and probably a rebound relationship. A few months after my chance encounter with Sara, through a mutual friend of ours, I knew the relationship I had with Ronnie was superficial and not going to go further than the stale association it had become. When I started noticing my Sara in a different light other than a friend, my heart woke up and that was pretty much it for me. I made the first move on an evening that found us alone, chitchatting about trivial things. We were both tired. We had each worked earlier that day. I was a team lead at Target, Sara was employed at Mervyns. We had gone to work extremely early. She usually clocked in around 5 am, while I started at 7 am. I'd drive her to work then drive myself to Target. I didn't mind arriving earlier than my shift began because it allowed me time to reflect and plan for the day. I picked Sara up from Mervyns later that day as soon as my shift ended. I don't remember what we did before going home that fateful day. All I remember is being at the townhouse we shared with Ronnie. Ronnie was out galavanting with newfound friends of hers that I couldn't stand. Sara and I were drinking Miller Genuine Draft and snacking on our usual Doritos chips. At one point, I sat on the papasan chair that had traveled with me from San Antonio and had supported me (pardon the pun) through the other failed and grueling relationship, and Sara laid down on the floor. We were both in front of the fireplace and just talking and laughing, but we were getting tired as the night rolled by so passively and gently. We were talking about relationships when I went to the kitchen to get more beer. I had to step over Sara to get to the kitchen. When I returned to get resituated on the papasan, Sara, still laying down on the floor, turned herself over so that her belly was now touching the floor and her upper body was propped up by her elbows so she could see me as we talked. By chance, I looked down at her, and the light of the ambers cast such light on her, and it literally took my breath away. Her shirt was unbuttoned just enough that I saw her breasts. She had a tendency to lay down in this manner, and this night was not the first time that I had caught a glimpse of her breasts, but this was definitely the first time I really and truly noticed them. This was the first time I saw Sara in a different manner. My palms got sweaty, my heart skipped the ole proverbial beat, had I been standing, my knees would have certainly betrayed me and shed light to the sudden attraction I was fighting off for Sara. I got up again on the pretense of grabbing another bottle of spirits, but this time, on my way back, I stopped at Sara's feet, and she rolled over onto her back to look up at me. That's when I took my shot. I knelt down, my knees cradled her waist, I took her arms with my sweaty, nervous hands and placed them high above her head. I gently kissed her neck, and told her she had been looking for something that's been there this whole time. I then got up and sat back down on my friend, papasan. Sara sat up and questioned my actions. I don't remember verbatim what she asked because I was too busy imagining myself tearing her shirt open so that I could see and caress her beautiful breasts. Till this day, I love her breasts and it doesn't take much to rial me up whenever I see them. But, on that night, I wanted to kiss her breasts and to know the very essence of her sexuality. Something told me she was a sensuous lover, but I wouldn't find out that night. It would take a while for the friendship zone to open wide open for us to become lovers, but on that fateful night, I mentally made love to my voluptuous, beautiful Sara. My heart ached as did my own sexual essence; it all beat a million miles a minute, and I worried that my interest would soak through and exude on my friend, papasan, all my passion and sexual sweat. I wanted so much to just rip off her clothes, to touch her everywhere, to place my lips over her entire body, to caress her every being especially her special spot of decadent pleasure. I wanted to see her in agonizing rapture and to feel and taste her sexual ache. I wanted to kiss and taste her down there and to make her feel endless pleasure unlike she had ever known. I wanted her to be mine and mine alone. I wanted to make love to her until she screamed for me to stop so that I could continue to please her with more passion and deeper thrust. I didn't just want her to be mine, I wanted her special place to be mine. I wanted to feel it dripping wet while she yelled out my name and confirmed that she was mine; that her wet, throbbing sex spot was mine and mine alone.

Book of D: The Two Most Important People in My Life

This picture was taken around Christmas Eve, 1997.  Pictured are my current spouse, Sara, and my niece, Alex, who was a mere three years old.

Book of D: Kirk Land (the Former United States not the Chain)

America has become "Kirk Land!" Charlie Kirk! You cant go anywhere without hearing this guy's name. Whether you knew him, his idealogies, his rants, or whatever, you were forced to know about him following Kirk's tragic assassination on September 10, 2025. The killing of the conservative political activist has divided America even more than ever. Props to Charlie, though, he was zealous and an idealogue, but he was an extremely dangerous one (is there ever any other kind?). His views, verbal rants and debates put people like myself in danger . . . EVERY SINGLE DAY! He preyed on the less fortunate in the name of Jesus Christ. Nevermind that the name "Jesus" does not appear in the original Hebrew or Aramaic texts of the Bible; his given name was Yeshua. Okay. Whatevs. Charlie had several faults: Firstly, his negative outlook in life and belief system was programmed into him at an early age, and he didn't even see it. He thought he was a free-thinker, but he was merely a bot for Christian Nationalism. Charlie was chosen by the likes of Bill Montgomery because Kirk was able to ingratiate (brownnose) himself to people, young and old, while taking their money for the cause: Christian Nationalism. Montgomery was an ultra-conservative businessman and activist and co-founder (alongside Kirk) of the conservative student group Turning Point USA. Montgomery was a Tea-Party backer at the time of meeting Kirk. Kirk was just 18 years-old when he met Bill Montgomery; Kirk had been speaking at Benedictine University. Montgomery convinced Kirk to forgo college and instead make activism his career and to start Turning Point USA. Although many have alluded to Kirk being a "terrific debater," with thousands of videos of Kirk's Q & A debates with students and others floating around in social media world, Kirk was just a highly prepared public speaker. The false perception that Kirk was good at debating should be highlighted with an asterisk or a caveat to denote the simple truth: Kirk always had the advantage and power position because the debates took place on an unequal playing field. If a person has the behind-the-scenes knowledge of something like a debate, he has the power to play the game in his favor. It's like being handed a cheat-sheet prior to a major exam and passing with flying colors; not because you studied hard and knew the material, but because you already knew the questions, so the answers were automatic. Kirk had a bullshit knack for doing this "knowing the questions so the answers can easily flow."

Oh, and, don't get me started on the "Seven Mountain Mandate," which I will reference in a later post.

So, back to the reason for this post and why I said that Kirk's views and spews threatened my life on a daily basis, as well as threatened the lives of millions of other minorities in this "Kirk Land" country of ours; my reasons are aligned with the 14 Kirk quotes that the Huff Post included in their online media site. Every single quote by Kirk goes against my own personal views; moreover, his quotes give unfair views to others who believed him and in him to hate people like me. Not just to negate everything that makes me who I am, but to come after me, and millions like me, until we are either left destitute, without voice, or worse, without life. So, here are those 14 quotes. Read them. Do your own diligent research. 

If You're Wondering What Charlie Kirk Believed In, Here Are 14 Real Quotes 

 1. At a Turning Point USA event in 2023, Kirk said he thinks gun deaths are “worth it” to have a Second Amendment. “We must also be real. We must be honest with the population. Having an armed citizenry comes with a price, and that is part of liberty... We need to be very clear that you’re not going to get gun deaths to zero. It will not happen. But I think it’s worth it. I think it’s worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year, so that we can have the Second Amendment,” he said.

2. On his self-titled radio talk show, Kirk expressed his dislike of the word “empathy.” “I can’t stand the word empathy, actually,” he said. “I think empathy is a made-up, new age term that does a lot of damage.” 

3. Appearing on Jubilee’s internet show “Surrounded,” Kirk insisted Black people were “better” in the 1940s under Jim Crow laws. While debating a college student, Kirk said, “They were actually better in the 1940s. It was bad. It was evil. But what happened? Something changed. They committed less crimes.” 

4. During this same Jubilee episode, Kirk was asked what he would want his daughter to do if she were 10 years old and pregnant following rape. After calling the scenario graphic, he responds, “The answer is yes. The baby would be delivered.”

5. At a Turning Point USA event, Kirk suggested trans people are wearing the gender equivalent of “Black face.” He said, “A man who calls himself trans is wearing ‘woman face,’ no different than I would wear Black face trying to be a Black person. It’s assuming an identity that isn’t yours.”

6. On his radio show, Kirk not only said that Joy Reid, Michelle Obama, Sheila Jackson Lee, and Ketanji Brown Jackson are “affirmative action picks”...

7. ...He also said Black women “do not have the brain processing power to otherwise be taken really seriously. You had to go steal a white person’s slot to go be taken somewhat seriously.”

8. After Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce announced their engagement, Kirk fantasized about Kelce making Swift “more conservative” and begged the pop star to “submit to her husband.” “This is something that I hope will make Taylor Swift more conservative,” he said. “Engage in reality more… Reject feminism. Submit to your husband, Taylor. You’re not in charge.”

9. On X, Kirk insisted, “Gun control, like vaccines and masks, is focused on making people feel ‘safe’ by taking freedoms away from others. Don’t fall for it.”

10. Following the tragic January collision between an American Airlines plane and a Black Hawk Army helicopter, Donald Trump suggested diversity, equity, and inclusion efforts were at fault. Kirk added to this, saying: “If I see a Black pilot, I’m going to be like, ‘Boy, I hope he’s qualified.’”

11. Following the release of an NBC poll illustrating the difference in priorities between Gen Z’ers — which showed that Gen Z women who voted for Kamala Harris see having a fulfilling career as a marker of success — Kirk said, “Democrat women want to die alone without children.”

12. Kirk repeatedly spread misinformation surrounding the death of George Floyd, who experts say died from an officer applying their knee to his neck. Instead, Kirk, who is not a medical examiner and did not examine Floyd’s body, said his death was caused by “overdose.”

13. Kirk wanted to raise the age of retirement, and didn’t think people should retire at all. “Now, I will say that for future retirees, people under the age of 45, we should absolutely raise the retirement age. I’m going to say something very provocative. I’m not a fan of retirement. I don’t think retirement is biblical,” he said. “You say, ‘Charlie, I’m just gonna retire and I’m just gonna go golf.’ I think, what a waste of the gifts that God has given you.”

14. And finally, but certainly not last: During Pride Month, children’s show host Ms. Rachel, aka Rachel Griffin-Accurso, wished followers a happy Pride and responded to subsequent backlash by quoting the Bible and expressing the importance of ”[loving] every neighbor.” In response, Kirk attempted to cite the Bible to prove a point about his anti-gay views, but he ultimately misquoted a mixture of passages from Leviticus 18:22 and Leviticus 20:13. He said, “Thou shall lay with another man, shall be stoned to death. Just saying... The chapter...affirms God’s perfect law when it comes to sexual matter.”

Book of D: Hassan Hosseinpour Helps Build Family Farm

Daral Iranian Lifestyle

Book of D: Hassan's Father the Bully

Amir spoke about the "flaws of pride and arrogance" as he told of a story about a magistrate and a villager named Bahlul. The magistrate is bullying the villagers so they will pay their taxes. Amir told how Bahlul tricked the magistrate by using the magistrate's arrogance against him. Little did Amir realize that in telling this story, he mimicked the magistrate's arrogance because of how he has been bullying his middle son, Hassan, into getting married. Hassan is 24 years old and enrolled at the University of Shahrekord to become a teacher. Hassan does not want to get married before obtaining his college degree. Moreover, Hassan prefers a marriage to someone he knows really well rather than an arranged marriage. Especially because in the nomadic culture, consanguineous marriage is still the preferred more. If Amir keeps harping on his son Hassan to hurry up and marry a girl, Amir will become the fool in his own life story. Amir will be the fool that other fathers will tell their children about. The story will still be about "flaws of pride and arrogance," but this time, Amir will be the magistrate who tries to bully his villagers, and Hassan will be Bahlul, only this time, Bahlul won't go home and go to sleep, leaving the magistrate high and dry. Hassan, as Bahlul, will leave the village - never to return. 

https://youtube.com/@daarall?si=34R4nV1z63UoSL0m 

Book of D: The unReality of Lesbian Movies

As I watch Take Me for a Ride (2016, Ecuador), I am sadly reminded why I hated watching lesbian movies as a young adult. My distaste for them was mostly because they always ended badly.

I guess that societal norms and mores stemming from the bullshit zeitgeist was always going to govern how same-sex movies would end. After all, allowing a happy ending for behavior that has pretty much always been deemed taboo and forbidden might be too much for the uptight, perhaps misanthropic, naysayers and dream killers of this world. 

So, maybe not all real-life homosexual relationships survive for lengthy periods of time. Conversely, not all heterosexual relationships last long either. 

My take on the lesbian movies is simple: Let them end with a positive tone. If you're going to make a movie of this nature, let the 'happy ending' be. 

Stop depicting lesbian love as some kind of deathbound relation. A lot of the lesbian relationships that am closely familiar with are lengthy, happy ones.

Don't just write the happy relationship endings for 'straight' people; that's just a damn Hollywood ploy to sell romcoms to the highest, gullible bidder. Don't be that buyer. 

Dear Hollywood - or whatever movie-making entity that might be reading this, please - let my lesbian community be portrayed in a better light in movies. 

Stop portraying us as awkward, skiddish women who are too scared to fight for same-sex love. 

In my real lesbian world, true love is fucking worth fighting for. Movie makers of the world, start showing the world that kind of wonderful, glorious, victorious lesbian love. I'll be waiting!

Book of D: Good Luck Babe #goodluckbabe #chappelroan #petrol

Book of D: Dream of Petro

The timeline of last night's dream is current day 2024, and it began with you asking me for help via a text message. You sounded so despondent, so I called you. I arranged for us to meet in person. Things got complicated as old feelings arose. We became one for a brief but beautiful moment in time. The old feelings returned as if they had been on hold for mere minutes versus the actual decades that have passed us by in real-life. Everything I had ever felt for you overcame me like nothing I had ever experienced. I believe you felt the same for me.

After our beautiful encounter, we both felt badly. Not for what we had expressed to each other through love, but because neither one of us was free - as we each had spouses.

I recall in the dream that as we rediscovered our feelings, we were at your previous childhood home, the home where your late mom and dad had welcomed this lost soul into the family. The home where I found solace, if only for a brief period of my life, while I was trying so hard to hold on to you and our love. As long as we were together, I was happy in that house. The house where many acts of our love were created. 

So, yes, in the dream, we decided to stop fighting the feelings we had denied for many years and just try to be together. But, as in real life, we became too cerebral and gave in to mindfulness of others. We stupidly decided to weigh our options, if that's what you want to call them, before we proceeded to be together. We decided to talk to other people about the dilemma facing us. We wanted to be mindful and quell as much of the hurt that our relationship might inflict on others. What fuckery that turned out to be.

The dream continued with me going to visit my late mom; she was still alive and living in my childhood home. You went to visit your late parents (both also still alive) at your aforementioned childhood home. As I spoke to my mom about you and our reunion, she immediately guessed what had actually happened between us. I confessed that I had slept with you. My mom knew the love I had always had for you. In fact, the first time you and I broke up, my mom was the first person I called. I was not out, so I lied and said you were a male friend, but, deep down, I know she knew it was you. I cried so hard trying to express my heartache over having lost you. My mom pretty much told me, in a gentle and loving manner, to remember the woman I was and deal with it because I was the only one in control of how my future life would progress: I could choose to be happy or sad. Side-note: In real-life, mom, I have tried really hard for the former: to be happy. Anyway, in the dream, my mom told me to fight for you. She said to forget what others thought or said. She added that you needed help to be strong and that I should help you to be strong. How insightful my late mom was - in the dream as she was in real-life.

Meanwhile, you had a meeting with your folks. Your mom was extremely mad and upset at your news about you and me. However, your dad was understanding. I always loved your dad for his humanity and ability to just listen and be aware. In real-life, your mom and I had a complex relationship. She loved me as I loved her, but she preferred me as your "friend," and nothing else. I am certain that she knew the truth about us. So, naturally in the dream, your mom urged you to return to your spouse and children - although your children are currently adults, but in my dream, they were still young. Your dad intervened and said you needed to be happy and choose love above everyone else. He added that you had already sacrificed enough of yourself for others.

In the dream, I am not sure what exactly transpired following your conversation with your parents, but you ended up back with your spouse and children. You ignored my texts and calls. I was frantic with worry that I had lost you forever this time. I did not want to face the loss of you again. 

I went back to my childhood home in the dreadful dream, but my mom was gone; her absence was unexplained - and it was a huge heartache all its own. But, one of my sisters was there. You remember that sister - the one you knew really well back when you and I were together. My sister lovingly advised me to be prepared and resilient because it seemed as though you were being coerced into complacency. In other words, you were likely being ushered toward choosing family over self - again.

I fell asleep in the dream. I didn't want to be awake because that meant I had to face you not being with me. In the dream, I waited for such a long time to hear from you. Sadly, the next time you communicated with me in the dream was in writing. You didn't even have the courage to call me much less to see me in person. My guess is that perhaps an in-person meeting would only further confuse you. Maybe it would make you change your mind to fully give "us" another try. Maybe you would finally pick yourself and love first. Who knows, my dear Petro!

So, as the dream ominously continued, your only form of contact with me was a package with letters you had written me in previous years but never sent. In one letter, you asked about my late dad and if it was true that he had died in 2007. That was odd because you never knew my dad. He died in 1983 a few years prior to 1989 when you and I actually became best friends. Some of the other letters were obscure and I did not read them in the dream. The only current letter in the package was you asking me to forgive and let you go. You included a cropped picture of yourself, you looked sad. You had stitches and a bandaid over the corner of your right eye. You went on to write, "This is the last scar I can take in my life. No more scars. I need peace. I need you to please let me go. Have a good life." 

So, in my dream, my actual nightmare of over 30 years was rehashed: I had lost you once more. I was heartbroken in the dream, and all I wanted was to see you or at least talk to you over the phone. I wanted my one-last-plea; the one I never had in real-life. My attempts to speak to you in the dream were in vain as my means of communication were intercepted by your husband.

The next day in my strange dream, I woke up, still at my childhood home, with a car (an older grey Chrysler) parked in the street in front of the house. Apparently, the car was left there for me by your spouse to offset the expenses I made so you and I could see each other. Plus, other previous expenses I made to help you out. It seemed that your husband did not want there to be any ties, emotional or financial, between us - as if he was paying off anything he thought would make you beholden to me. Inside the older Chrysler, there was a legal size manila envelope. It included a copy of the car's title signed over to me by your husband, some money, a picture of you (the same one with the bandaid and stitches) only it was uncropped and zoomed out with your kids and spouse in it (you still looked sad), and a picture of your work id showing you worked for the city of Pasadena (I have no idea what any of that meant, especially the work id). 

So finally, I woke up in real-time, real-life and sure I was shaken up. The feelings of you leaving me again were too much. Plus, it only enhanced the woe I have felt all these years from having been estranged from you - an estrangement not of my choosing. As I laid awake and recounted your monosyllabic letter in the dream about scars, I thought how apropos had I responded with this: "I understand about the scars. Although my scars are invisible, they hurt just as much. I also need to be allowed to live in peace." 

My dear Petro, I must admit that I still miss you, but waking up to all those negative feelings was too consuming. Just as such, I decided to get up, be positive, and write as much about the dream to help me cope. Writing for me has always been cathartic.

I don't know why I dream about you. I hope you are happy and fulfilled and that you are hoping the same for me. I doubt I will ever see or speak to you again. It's doubtful for a myriad of reasons. I guess I have to fully accept that fact and be somewhat satisfied with just seeing you in dreams. I just wish for better dreams with positive outcomes where no one gets her heart broken - especially me. I've had enough. It's quite enough. Enough!

--- Thank you to my wife of over 26 years for giving me so much love and support. But mostly for the courage she has instilled in me that allows me to write down all the things that ail and aid me. 

~ *Olive Juice*!!!

Book of D: The Reminders

No matter how far I go or how much I do with my life, at some point, the reminders of those I wish to forget just hits me like a fucking ton of bricks.

But, I recover my feelings from being swallowed up by blackness. I remember the good things that replaced the negative people and their bullshit. I focus on the fact that during all these years, as I've aged and matured, my life is finally filled with those who were supposed to be in it.

Those absent from it are obsolete with names replaced with passing monikers and justified adjectives.