Book of D: Letter to My Former Employer (unedited)

Thank you for convincing me that transferring to your department was going to be great for us all. NOT! I agreed to move in haste, and I have never felt 100% certain I did the right thing. Actually, on the day you told me I was moving to another department with a new supervisor, I knew I had done absolutely the wrong thing in transferring departments.

Thank you for never telling me that if I or anyone else ever gossiped about you that you would know. NOT! You unabashedly made that comment to me on the very first day I shadowed you at work, and it was a fucking eerie! What kind of manager even says that. Thinking back, it should have been a RED FLAG!!!

Thank you for allowing me to order business cards when everyone else was. NOT! I was always denied having business cards. During the five + years, I was never allowed to have any cards despite how much I networked with other System universities and community agencies. I was always embarrassed that I could never trade business cards.

Thank you for hearing and accepting my ideas about managing the four programs I was hired to run. NOT! I was hired to manage four different programs, but I was never allowed to follow through with ideas I had. I was usually told by you that we are a small school and the ideas that work for the other System universities would never work here. I wanted to make sure our university had Narcan, but you said that was not needed. I wanted to start a recovery program, but you said it would never work. I wanted to provide scholarships for students to help with our peer programming, but you said we did not have the money - despite having been granted thousands of dollars by the System.

Thank you for ordering new furniture for me when everyone in our dept was getting their own. NOT! I always received old, mismatched furniture, but I forced myself to act like it did not bother me - again, I was too embarrassed and afraid I would break down and cry if I admitted how much it hurt me to get the "fugly" furniture.

Thank you for not telling me that I would be moving from the old center to the fourth floor concrete jungle. NOT! Not only did you tell me that I was going to have to move to the fourth floor, but you failed to tell me that the office I was being reassigned to was nothing but concrete with exposed ceiling pipes and electrical wiring. The person who handles phone systems is the one who asked me several times if I was sure that I was to move to that office. She had the key and showed me how awful the office was. In fact, she used the word, uninhabitable. I was once again triggered and had to hold back tears. When I finally got time with you, you said I could buy a throw rug but that painting the room or carpeting was not in the budget. The phone systems technician added that she had never known anyone to inhabit that office and that it had always been used for storage.

Thank you for not making me move to the office formerly occupied by a colleague who had just passed away. NOT! Not only was I told to move there, but I was told to just move her stuff and use her furniture. The poor deceased colleague had not only been a mentor of mine, but we had had our own disagreements. Upon finding out that I had moved into the deceased colleague's office, other employees (staff and faculty) were shocked and disappointed that anyone had been allowed to move into the office. Again, I felt badly, but it was never my choice to move into that office that began to feel like doom and gloom.

Thank you for never boasting about your accomplishments while bragging about what others were doing. NOT! You always bragged about how much money you made and how much others made and how others were not deserving of their respective salaries.

Thank you for acknowledging all the behind-the-scenes work I ever did. NOT! Not once did you ever tell me in the five plus years I worked for you. Well, there was that one time after a basketball game when I worked late managing a promo table and tacos table. You know, the event when you said I worked really hard and how did I feel about getting my salary bumped another $5,000. Your boyfriend was there and he heard. He also heard when you put down my colleague and said she "was lazy."

Thank you for not taking credit for the many spreadsheets, Apps, PowerPoint presentations, Forms, and reports I did for you. NOT!

Thank you for not promising me an office transfer to the new building only to renege and leave me in the old, tattered office. NOT!

Thank you for not making me feel like shit when my colleagues were excitedly moving to the new building while I watched and silently cried. NOT! You have often told this odd story that ends you with you comparing me to a dog. Oh, and let's not forget the other triggering event when our division was in a Team's meeting (planning for entertainment), and you said the university could replace me and instead use my salary to bring some group to the university. Yeah, that wasn't embarrassing or hurtful at all.

Thank you for not leaving me behind in the old, tattered office during winter without any heat. NOT! Yeup. For almost a week, I was left in the old center without heat in the dead of winter. I had to call the department that handles HVAC issues. The lady told me that the supervisor had put in an order to have the heat cut off. She apologized as she had no idea I was still working in the center, so she had the heat turned back on, but it took two days for that to happen.

Thank you for not taking my skill set for granted and having me table and attend meetings that a secretary should do. NOT! I ended up doing duties that a student-worker or an entry-level admin was hired to do. I was promised more responsibility as I was soon to obtain a master's degree, but that was just another empty promise.

Thank you for making sure my birthday was always announced via email as was done for everyone else. NOT! Till this day, I can only remember my birthday being announced one time.

Thank you for celebrating my graduation from the arduous graduate program as was done for the others upon receiving their master's degree. NOT! Even as I graduated from the university, I did not as much as get a bouquet of flowers. Nope. I did not get the extravagant master's graduation party like my two colleagues received upon their respective graduations - and both of them graduated from other universities. My own alma mater recognized me for ... NOTHING!

Thank you for feeling never taking your power and entitlement for granted and not speaking ill of our colleagues and the students you were supposed to help. NOT! You have spoken ill of others as follows (named left out to refrain from emotionally triggering or hurting my former colleagues): you said about a female colleague that she was emotionally inept and that you were constantly having to go meet her in person to talk her down or having to take her to lunch because she was a person of color and you know how they are; you said my colleague was lazy; you said another colleague was fat and needed to lose weight; you said that a colleague was taking for granted that she had a baby and was calling in too much; you said a colleague was dumb wasting his time in grad school, and you couldn't wait to fire him; you said almost the same thing about another male colleague, this time saying he was too stupid to finish his b.s. and that he was lucky if he still had his job in a few months; you said about a female colleague that she had a "r" child; you referred to a couple of female professors as "the lesbian"; you said one of the execs had her nose so far up the president's nose; you said a male colleague was slow and too stupid to know when you and the other big wigs were talking about him. Boy, this list can go on and on, but it is proving to be much too unsettling for me to continue - for now, that is!