Dora's Corner: When Is Enough Really Enough. Defending Your Stance!

...Why is it that the opinion of just one person bothers me so much that I am left confused and not knowing what to do.  It drives me crazy metaphorically-speaking.  We were once best friends but life got in the way, and we each went our respective ways.  More like I was cut off from her world.  I would have liked a continued role in her world and would have been ecstatic to have had her remain in mine, but no such luck.  We drifted apart and worse.

There are so many things I want to discuss with her again, but I especially want to ask her why she really ended communication with me because the reasons that she gave me not too long ago over the phone just do not add up.  I am not the person she once knew.  I know the same of her --that she is different.  The thing that is bothersome for me is how she still thinks that I am the same person of over 20 years ago.  My gosh, who remains the same after 20 years.  I know I did not.  I want to yell at her for assuming that I would be able to do some of the horrible things which she claimed that I did during our absence from one another.  Those alleged, horrible things she claims were the catalyst for ending our friendship.  But I say b/s.  There has to be more to all of this and a better reason for cutting me out of her life.  The timeline during which I supposedly did some ill things to her just do not add up with the information that I found out in regards to my supposed-transgressions.  Totally not adding up at all. 

So, do I defend myself against such allegations or not.  Do I share my findings which prove that someone else did many of those awful things that I was castigated for having done.  I am no innocent, helpless person, but as far as those things that I supposedly did...I did not do them.  I am just dumbfounded by it all.  I defended her and made up excuses for the way she dismissed our friendship all these past years; stupidly and blindly giving her the benefit of the doubt.

I have changed a lot during the 20 year hiatus of our friendship.  Yeah, I refer to it as a vacation (hiatus) when it was no such thing.  I was persona non grata in her life.  All this time I wondered what happened between us to create such a rift, but after hearing her story over the phone earlier this month, well, it is just very upsetting.  I do not agree with any of it, but I will accept how she chooses to view things.  After all, she dropped our friendship for her own reasons and both of us have moved forward.  I know I have accomplished a lot during the last 20 years, and that I am happy.  Sure I would have loved for us to have continued our friendship all these years, but what has been done cannot be undone.  I am not even sure if I will hear from her ever again.  She is the one who missed out on continuing a friendship with me.  I know this much, though, that I am a good person.  I already reached out to her so it is up to her going forward.  I won't hold my breath that I will ever hear back from her, but that is okay. 
I have lived a good life thus far without her friendship, and I plan on continuing as such.  I just need to write this down so that one day maybe the Karma G-ds will see fit to bring us together again and maybe help us mend a broken friendship.  But for now, I say enough is enough and just hope that one day I will get to defend myself.  I am so disappointed that she would think that I could do those things to her.  If she remembers how things were long, long ago then surely she knows that I could never hurt her like that.  I walked away long ago to allow her (and me) to be happy.  I am disappointed in myself as well because the last time we talked on the phone, I just listened to her allegations and by not defending myself at all, I indirectly accepted it all.  I just sat there and took it.  I was just not in my right mind.  It saddens me, makes me a bit angry/upset, but nothing left to do.  Not now, not anymore.  It just blows my mind.

Just my take for the day!