The negative change of my ex is what doomed another previous friendship of mine. Maybe I had it coming and my ex got her revenge by interfering in and ruining another friendship that I once cherished. I have written about this topic many times so I will not get into much detail about it. I just want to put it out there for that special someone, whom might one day read this blog of mine, and come across this (and the other posts), and know how deeply regretful I am that we could not continue our friendship all these years ago. Whether I had a direct impact on the bad things that this other person did to you, to make you think it was I who did them to you, I sincerely apologize. That is the best I have to offer you!
I know why you changed back then, and why you decided to erase me from your new life. I accepted it so that you could be happy. I wanted you to be happy because it would help me to seek happiness of my own. I left you alone as you indirectly wanted of me. Only a handful of occasions did I reach out to you. Not for comfort or solace as I had those things. I just needed to hear your voice, and to know that you were still out there--listening to me. I now know why you may have had such disdain for me all these years later. Please just believe me when I say that I did not mean for you to be hurt. I accept all culpability for everything that I did, but I cannot accept any accountability for the bad things someone else did to you just to spite me. I have a difficult time expressing how disappointed I am that you could believe I would ever harm you. Part of me is angry with you, and then there is the other part of me that could never stay angry with you. I forgive you. You no longer know me---especially the new me who wishes we could have remained friends. I no longer know you either, but I do forgive you for being made to think that I had any ill feelings towards you or that I could think so little of you, and of our previous friendship, that I could do things to hurt you, to anger you, or to make you not want anything further to do with me. I hope one day... Not sure what I hope. All I know is this simple passage: "I did love you once!
Forgiveness is forgiveness, but hurt is still hurt. Everyone hurts someone at one time, then they forgive. Forgiveness might be the easiest part of getting hurt--it is the forgetting part that is difficult. In ending, I would be remiss if I did not quote one of my favorite poets, Pablo Neruda: "Love is so short, forgetting is so long."
Just my take for the day!
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