Book of D: This is MY GETHSEMANE!

What is it that drives someone to do the vile, awful things he/she does? Is it truly due in part to the various theories of socialization? The idea that you are who you are because of where you grew up and/or because of who you grew up around? Well, that's a mouthful of legumes to take in, don't you agree? Further, a person's ability to subscribe to such ideologies is all dependent on whether the person allows him/herself to subscribe to the many different psychological/sociological theories of the likes of Piaget, Skinner, or Freud—or the various other so-called "experts." 
How we choose to learn and how we choose to live is, in my honest opinion, is a personal process—a deeply rooted idea embedded within ourselves, our psyche. If a person starts out in life being a selfish type of an asshole, chances are, that is the way the person will continue to live out his or her life. It's just his own fault of not wanting to own up to who he really is and how he sees the world. I really don't know. All I really know to this point is that I've been exposed to so many ideas, views, theories, hypotheses, and such as an undergrad psychology student. 

I'm still not sure what I believe, who I believe, and if I am going to go straight GDI and form my own ideas and such. Obtaining degrees in psychology and criminology, well, that doesn't really make me an "expert," now does it? Even when I attain my masters and doctorates, that won't make me an aficionado either. I'll tell you what all this does make me, with said degrees or sans, it just makes me plain ole h-u-m-a-n!
And, all I know is that I have been all victim, suspect, and culprit to many odious, foul events in life, and I still don't understand people. Nor do I understand why they do the bad and good things they do. Why they lie. Why they cheat. Why some are more prone to committing negative actions while others are more readily and able to subscribe towards the positive ones. Why do some people kill? Why do some people hurt others? Why are some people kind? … Quite the paradox, right?
The shitty things I have done to other people, the things I have never been able to admit to and ask forgiveness for, well, they are my shame. The lack of the ability to forgive others for the cruel things they have committed against me, that's partly on me. I really want to forgive fully, but I need them to admit the brutish things they have done to me, against me. In all seriousness, is this really too much to ask?
I just want to abolish the traces of hell I have pushed people into and the ones I have allowed myself to traipse into or been thrown into. I don't want to keep hurting others; moreover, I no longer wish to allow myself to be hurt by others. 
All this . . . all of this . . . this is my Gethsemane.