Book of D: Exactly What is Closure

So, here I am once again writing about The Real World Homecoming: New Orleans.

The episode in question pertains to Danny Roberts’ relationship with ex-boyfriend Paul Dill. They dated during The Real World: New Orleans season, which aired in 2000 and was MTV’s ninth installment of the docuseries. During the NOLA Homecoming episode #3, Danny talks about how he is burdened with a soul. He talks about his rough breakup with Military Paul. Danny left the toxic relationship and adds that he stayed with Paul way longer than he should have. Danny says he and Paul just went their separate ways after their split, and although Paul has reached out numerous times, Danny hasn’t spoken to him since. Danny reveals to his castmate, “Long story short, that motherf*cker started dating our mutual best friend behind my back. We have literally not spoken or seen each other since 2006.” Danny’s castmate convinces Danny he needs closure, so Danny arranges to meet Paul to have the overdue 16-year convo. It was a good episode (despite Julie being ignorant & entitled; a whole other story).😠

😶My thoughts: I wish I, too, could have that kind of closure with my ex. I wonder what that would look like. How would that conversation even begin? How would it end? I am not who I used to be during our time together — all those years ago. I have changed so much these last three decades, with the biggest change having occurred since my wonderful Mom passed away in 2011. I wonder if the things my ex and I fought over would still interfere in our trying to find common ground. I wonder if the things we agreed upon would still give way for commutuality. I wonder if she would blame me for the damaging things I did to her. I wonder if she could listen to my list of hurtful things that she did to me. I would really like to know why she cut me out of her life so suddenly. What does she think I did to garner such castigation? I have changed, and I am sure she has changed, too. It would be nice to meet for a nice dinner and delectable drinks and to reminisce about the good times — because there were so many of them. 💜 The feelings I had for that person still blister from time-to-time. Don't get me wrong, I love my life now, but I guess I will always wonder. Life is just one big ole f*cking asterisk. I wish I could get that damn closure that everyone talks about. Maybe things are meant to be a certain way, and we need to leave some stones unturned.