Book of D: Familial Expectations Vs Accountability

This weekend, we went to Lubbock to spend time with my lovely wife's family. Her birthday was in early October, so the Lbbk family was anxious to see her. They had gifts and other surprises. My wife loves Italian cuisine, so her sis Angel took all of us for a nice meal at the Italian Garden in downtown Lbbk; not far from the Hub City's sector, Raider Alley, where the Ŧexas Ŧech pre-football game festivities occur. We had a fabulous time. We reminisced and caught up on the goings-on of different family members. The restaurant was good, the ambiance was nice, and the food and drinks were delightful. My wife and I had the chicken marsala (never to be confused with the yummy Indian chicken masala. lol), and although we liked the restaurant's rendition, it still wasn't better than my homemade chicken marsala. Word. 

Anyway, my uncle's 19-year-old son Isaac was mentioned. Isaac and his 22-year-old girlfriend Destiny just had a baby girl. My uncle said he had recently purchased clothes for the baby because Destiny's family didn't seem interested in the baby's birth never mind interest in buying the baby anything. My uncle's third wife, our forever aunt 😁, said it wasn't right that Destiny's family wasn't buying things the couple might need for the baby. Mount Vesuvius imploded (not exploded 😉) within me, but I kept mum - not wanting to ruin the outing and pleasantries - as I clearly disagreed that the young lady's family was obligated to buy anything. Our 22-year-old niece is just starting her senior year at Texas Tech, so I changed gears and asked her about her collegiate career. The conversation then made a nice turn toward a brighter topic ... that is ... until we went back to my uncle's home. 

The topic of Isaac's future in-laws came back up and how they should be ashamed of not buying the baby anything. Well, I decided I wasn't willing to prevent another Pompeiian event and stated my opinion about accountability. I've said before on this very blog that I am a firm believer in Rogerian, CBT, and REBT; these theories posit that a person not blame others for his negative life and instead take the bull by the horns to fix whatever needs to be fixed in his life. The theories also state that humans stop telling themselves negative and irrational stories. For instance, if a person had a crappy childhood, he cannot control what already occurred, but he can control what happens in his present and future life. Another example is a person thinking that he is not loved because he is not showered with materialistic items. My views mandated, in a way, that I speak up and tell my uncle, aunt, and the others that it was the young couple who decided to have the baby; therefore, no one else is obligated to help them out financially, my wife agreed. My wife and I were on a roll contra debating our pibling's anachronous views via a sensical diatribe. 

I added that it was nice that my uncle bought items for the baby, but it was his decision to do so, and it should in no way force the baby's maternal family into doing the same. Maybe Destiny's family can't afford it, but whatever the reason, her family shouldn't feel coerced into financially supporting or gifting things to anyone. I went on to say that when people do things, they really should be prepared for everything that might come their way - that includes bringing a baby into this world. I reminded them about the Mexican folktale: the bucket of Mexican crabs. I added that the antiquated ways of thinking are what keeps our people from moving forward in life: they fail to prepare fully for life and expect others to save them when things get tough. In other words, just like the crabs in the bucket that keep the other crabs from moving up, our people are doing the same each time they comment that they are owed anything or that others owe anyone else something. Hey, paying-it-forward is high on my list of priorities, but it is as such because I choose to make it important; not because it is expected of me. I am doing well in life (knock wood), and I want to spread the wealth - on my own time and terms. 

My parents taught me to work hard, save money, help others because I could and wanted to, save money for the hard times, but never to expect others to do anything for me. That's CBT and REBT in a nutshell, folks. My parents were ahead of their times. 

Anyway, I ended my stance by saying that it's nice to help others but that we should to do so mindfully because we want to and not because it's a requirement set forth by anyone else. 😡