Book of D: Letting Go Without Getting Scathed

Not long ago, one of my friends, who had just broken up with his girlfriend of nine years, told me, “I really hate that almost everything I’ve had to let go of in my life has scratch marks on it.” I took it as him trying to describe what a difficult time he was having with things he has no control over. I definitely relate to that - as I’m sure many people can, too. I must confess that I have had a hard time letting go of certain things in my own life. At certain junctures, I also found myself scathed and scratched up from my inability to accept things and let go.

Laws of Karma

I accept culpability for my part in it, but I also hold the other parties accountable. I am not so omnipotent where I should take full blame for things because everything good and bad takes more than one person to carry out. 

Additionally, I'm no longer that silly, confused, lovestruck person who basically let others walk all over me while I, conversely, partook in some ill behavior as retribution. My coping mechanism at one time in my life was to hurt others the same way they had hurt me. It's not an excuse, it's a fact. I do not condone my inferior actions, but I no longer castigate myself for being that way because I did not know how to funnel my feelings or to control them. My initial response to things that hurt me was to fight back. I have always despised being ignored, too, so whenever anyone ignored me, well, that was also cause for me to be a nonsensical hater. I hate that part of my life, but I cannot change it. I have accepted what I did, and for those I hurt, I have made peace with and forgiven myself. I was told by an intellect and kind of a Yoda wizard that when we put hurt out into the world and recognize that we have done so, we only owe it to ourselves and maybe even karma, or whatever deity we believe in, to be remorseful and to do better going forward. He added that we are never expected to apologize to those we hurt unless it is with purpose. In other words, apologies are for the people who have been static in our lives and will continue to be. And while regret is okay in moderation, apologies should be held for those who truly matter. Apologizing to someone who has not been in your life for a long time is nonsensical and self-deprecating. My Yodaesque acquaintance went on to explain that karma works much like the biblical "you reap what you sow." He recommended that people ask themselves what they need to release so they can create space for the thing(s) they desire in their lives. In essence, like a computer, clean out the files that are unessential and do nothing for us in order to make space for the truly important files. 

So, let's print out a "circle of control" worksheet and rethink what we can and cannot control. Maybe we can even create a Venn diagram to show how some items and people might belong in the middle of the "can/cannot" control area. But, to keep true to today's post, let's be more methodical and contribute more good will to our own lives so we are able to put good things into the world. Let's keep ourselves from getting scathed by holding on to the people and things that are not good for us. Let it go!