Book of D: Grieving a Parent

I had a chat with my uncle (in-law) not long ago about death. He lost his mom on Christmas Eve (2022). His ex just lost her mom last week, so it meandered our conversation towards that of death, mainly the death of a parent. The conversation led to me telling my uncle the following: "No, it [pain] doesn't go away. We learn to cope. I think the loss makes us so aware that we move forward in a negative manner. Instead of embracing the people we love more, we learn to fear losing people. There's a difference between appreciating people and being afraid to lose them. It's early, and I haven't had coffee yet, so what the heck do I know. Lol." Like always, I hate to admit, I had to throw in some humor to mask the indifference and melancholia that our conversation was having on me. My uncle was explaining how his ex, Jenny (not her real name), discovered her mom, Connie, had died.

Apparently, Jenny received a call from her aunt who worked for the same school as Jenny's mom in a town not far from Lubbock. Jenny's mom had worked at the school (cafeteria employee and custodian) for many years and was well liked by her coworkers. Jenny's aunt was concerned because Connie had not shown up for work on that Friday morning, which was odd because Connie never missed work. Jenny's aunt had been frantically calling her sister with no luck, so she resorted to making that dreaded call to her niece, Jenny. Jenny drove over almost immediately to her mom's home, but her mom did not answer the door. Jenny broke a window and crawled through only to find that her mom had passed away sometime in the night - sitting down on her favorite recliner. 

When my uncle finished telling me this story, I became extremely downhearted for Jenny and despite not having kept a friendship with her, after she and my uncle broke up, I knew Jenny was inordinately close to her mom and family. I knew the devastation Jenny had to be enduring from losing her mom - especially discovering her like she did. My heart broke for her and her siblings; they were a close-knit family having been brought up by their single mom. I knew Connie but only in passing. I thought about losing my own mom and dad and how several of my friends have lost a parent or both. Regardless of the circumstances, it is never a facile occurrence to lose a parent. I'm referring to the parents who actually deserve to be missed in death; there are some who never should have had children to begin with, but that is a topic for another day. Right now, I am just letting the idea of death simmer in my head (i.e. amygdala) . . . and allowing my heart to inexplicably beat as it needs to do.