Book of D: Sara's Mother

My spouse, Sara, wrote the passage below (in italics) about her mother. Her relationship with her mother has been estranged for years. In fact, they officially surpassed the halfway mark approximately ten years ago - in other words, since her days on this earth, my spouse has lived more years sans her mother in her life than with her in it. Actually, my wife made an interesting comment (as I wrote today's blog post) regarding the time her mother was in her life, "Was she really in my life, though?" ... "We didn't have a meaningful relationship  - not like a mother and daughter should."

I am saddened about my spouse's familial situation. It's a constant reminder to me to never forget how lucky I was to have had such an amazing mother. My mom accepted me for who I was. My mom adored my spouse very much. My spouse always says that my mom was more of a mother to her; my mom was the closest example of a mom to my wife.

Anyway, below is what my beautiful wife wrote about her mother back on April 22, 2023 following a positive session with her brilliant counselor. 

Mother

She didn't love me enough to be a better mother. I have since come to understand that there is no such thing as someone "loving you enough" to be better. People can only be as good as they are, no matter how much they love you. That's the bad news. The good news is that you have the power to hold their actions differently in your own mind and heart. You can choose to believe that your value is inherent, it's yours, and that the way your mother treated you says something about her, not you. Or you can choose to believe that your mother's neglect means that you are unlovable and worthless. As long as you keep that wound from closing, you'll be sore. 

Mother just didn't have the tools to navigate out of her own pain. She is a wounded child who had never developed beyond the emotional level of a teenager. That understanding freed me to start to be more forgiving toward myself, and to quit working so hard not to be my mother.