Book of D: San Antonio or Bust

Ye old stomping grounds: I see ya, San Antonio. I haven't been here since last year before my Fall 2021 semester started. It was a swell time we had. We played things by ear, per se. We stayed at the downtown DoubleTree. I remember eating at a quaint type of nouveau establishment: The CommonWealth Coffee House at the Hemisfair Plaza.

This time around, we're staying at the Hampton Inn downtown. My spouse wanted to attend the San Antonio Rodeo & Bullriding event, so she purchased tickets for tonight's event at the AT&T Arena. I'm sure it will be fun. We both like watching bullriding on occasion. Especially when the major competitions are happening (e.g.,Vegas). She attended school with the famous bullrider Jim Sharp, so her interest in bullriding has been sparked for many years now. The weather is supposed to be antagonistic. Lol. The forecast is "cold and rain with drizzle," which is actually an upgrade compared to last night's weather app prediction of "rain with a mix of wintry sleet." We're hoping San Antonio will be more accommodating, weather-wise, if you will. If not, we'll get around it like we always have. We're driven in actual snow storms while traveling in the Texas Panhandle, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Colorado, and Kansas. Still . . . I'd rather have nice weather in San Antonio to better enjoy things. We're hoping to catch a live event on Saturday night, too. Maybe a theater production. I read there's a production of the Orphan playing at one of the community theaters. We shall see. For now, we're just excited to catch tonight's bullriding competition. The rest is just icing on the old proverbial cake. 

Book of D: Damn. All My Counseling Hours

To date, for the current Spring 2022 Internship I semester, I have completed over 159.50 counseling hours (86.50 direct and 73 indirect) with clients. 

During the Fall 2021 Practicum semester, I completed 123.50 total hours (77 direct and 46.50 indirect). 

During the Spring 2021 Practicum semester, I completed 133 total hours (77 direct and 56 indirect).  

Overall, I have over 416 total hours of counseling clients.

A more precise breakdown is 240.50 total direct hours to-date with clients and 175.50 total indirect hours to-date.

Book of D: Welcome "Organica" (Counseling Clients is Copacetic)

I have to admit, today's earlier sessions went really well. I was more comfortable than I have ever felt with a client. I told my internship site supervisor that I felt wonderful and that the actual process of counseling a client felt more organic versus clinically structured. I have been in the mental health counseling grad program since 2018. I have learned a lot during that time. I have been counseling clients since my first round of practicum, Spring 2021. Today, I was ready to relax and be myself. I was able to just chill and trust myself. I dubbed the feeling "organica." I'm so ready to let that b¡tch keep flying. lol.

Book of D: Those Damn Dreams

 So, once again I find myself feeling rather shaken up by a dream. It's one of those dreams where you wake up feeling like you're still in the dream. The people from the dream remain vivid. The conversations are still wreaking havoc inside your head. The ethos, pathos, and logos of the events are playing via a loop, and it just leaves you wondering why. WHY? Why am I dreaming of this person who hasn't been in my life for over two decades; I haven't spoken to her in almost one decade (since my mom passed away). Do I need to do something about the dream? Is it closure I need? I really don't think closure is really an issue here. Should I talk to my mentor in the counseling grad program or should I talk to my therapist. If I do talk to someone about it, am I doing it to get some kind of weird validation, so I can justify reaching out to the protagonist in my dreams. What is it about some dreams that leave us rattled to our core? I mean, I'm not going to lie and say I don't miss this person who's been enveloping my thoughts following said dreams but is it really apropos to try to reach out to her. As I stated, I haven't had communication with her much for years. I miss her terribly. I miss our conversations, but it could be that I am missing someone and some things that most likely have changed. Am I really ready to put myself out there only to face disappointment or melancholia for a world that no longer exists the way it once did? Perhaps the disturbing dreams and their frequent occurrences are because that world that I envision within myself really never existed. Not in the sense that reconnecting with it can really do me any good in this point in my life. Maybe the dreams are a way for me to channel the truth.

Book of D: Walmart Shoppers

People at Walmart are Interesting.

I was in the checkout line behind a rather big woman who looked like she was five days from a proper bath.

She was wearing yoga pants that were not flattering unless she likes showing off the hail damage to her thighs. 

And I can’t say much about her shirt that looked like it belonged to someone two sizes smaller than her.

Anyway, she was talking out loud, which I thought was strange: talking to herself.

She looked back at me, and I saw she had an iPhone with a Bluetooth earpiece.

I thought she was going to say something, but she just open mouth grinned at me.

That’s when I saw her teeth – all 3 of them.

I wanted to say, “so, hey, hi . . . it looks like you can afford some pretty expensive stuff there,

but it’s crazy that of all the teeth you’re missing, you decided to go with the one tooth: 

the Bluetooth

🤣🤣🤣

That's some special $h¡t right there.

🤣🤣🤣

Book of D: Punx Phil's Prediction and Predilection for Winter

Well, the cute, furry rodent saw his shadow: six more weeks of winter. 

Take that, cold-weather haters. LOL. 

By the way, to my former-bestie (a.k.a. ex-love-of-my-life), if you ever pass this way, happy birthday on this February 2nd. You are 54 years young. I hope things are going well for you. I miss you. It's been over 26 years since I have seen you and around 8 years since we last talked. So much has happened in my life that I would love to share. I am sure you have had a lot of good things happen in your life, too. On a poignant note, I am saddened that you lost your dad last June. I wanted to reach out to you, but I felt like it was for the best to leave you alone to mourn as you needed to do. Anyway, maybe one day we will be able to reconnect sans barriers or negative thoughts or dismissive intrusion. You will always be an important person to me. Many of my "firsts" were with you.

Book of D: Remembering Ronnie

 Happy belated birthday in heaven, Ronnie. I sit here wondering why you have occupied my dreams so much these past few days, and I cannot help but feel so full of sorrow that you are no longer with us on this earthly plane. Your journey through ecotones is still quite perplexing. Needless to say, I am so sorry you died. Moreover, I am sorry you had to die the way you did. Unfortunately, things between you and me ended on a negative note all those years ago. I wish I had a time machine or could access the Einstein-Rosen Bridge to go back in time and fix things between us; to make the breakup more gentle and mindful. The counselor in me posits that we could have remained friends had a more positive intervention occurred. I guess it's something we'll never know. My heart at that time was still healing from having lost-in-love way too many times, so ending our relationship did not come easy for me, Ronnie. You were someone I loved; I still love you in my own way. I remember when I first saw you and how my heart skipped a beat. After P---i, I wasn't sure I could ever be enamored by anyone else. I thought my days of physical and emotional attraction toward another person were over. You were the clouds parting in my dark unsettling life. You gave me hope again for love to shine. You were so beautiful. You were funny. You were brilliant. You taught me so many things. My love of soccer was solidified by your wonderful tutelage of the beautiful game. You loved me unconditionally there for a while. Despite that love having been short lived and sadly not as reliable as I would have liked, I knew you loved me in your own way. You gave me hope to love again. Even though our though our time together was short and ended in a somewhat tumultuous manner, it taught me many things. I didn't leave you for someone else; I left you so we could each find what we needed in life and love. I found my "someone," and I like to think you did, too. I'll never forget your fabulous smile, laugh, comedic nature, and beguiling personality. Continue to rest in peace, my dearest Ronnie. ❤

I hope your birthday was celebrated by your family and that they have found healing. 

  

Book of D: Home Sweet, Temporary Home

Growing up, no one explains how nothing is permanent. For instance, a home. You grow up, you move into a dwelling: a house, an apartment . . . but nothing prepares you for the end when you have to move out because the time allotted for you to live there has arrived. 

One day, you will have to move out of that dwelling. The mere action of buying a place to call home never really makes it yours. It is silly and banal to think otherwise. Sure, you might be buying, and you might be acquiring equity, but the home will still someday belong to someone else. The equity you built into that home will not save you from death. Death is imminent. Whether it is your own death or that of a loved one, it changes everything and everyone – forever. The home you lived in for years will one day belong to someone else; they will get to live in it until their story comes to an end, too. You get no special privileges because you are you. Death is certain. Permanence is evasive.

Book of D: Ŧexas Ŧech

 Ŧexas Ŧech