Book of D: Broken Hearts in Uvalde, TX - Forget "Thoughts and Prayers" - We Need "Policy and Change"

I was prepared to write about tonight’s final episode of “This Is Us,” but the shootings in Uvalde, Texas superseded everything I had hoped to say about the wonderful television series. Instead, I find myself mired in ambiguity and angst. I find myself talking about more needless deaths because of bad policymaking. Those fucking “thoughts and prayers” comments are a cacophony of bullshit cited by heartless, sycophantic politicians who would rather protect the 2^nd amendment than the lives of their constituents by continuing to ignore “policy and change” regarding gun control. It’s freaking madness. The GOP is lame and hellbent on telling children which books they can read, which bathrooms they can use, and which pronouns they can chose instead of protecting them - literally, from guns.

The GOP has a long history of shamelessly trying to convince people that something very sinister is transpiring, and that only the Republicans can save them. OMG. The audacity of these old WASPS. No wonder the younger gens are turning against the “grand old party”: the GOP is nothing but a bunch of old, vile, Jim Crow-loving, racist, angry, scared boys. They would rather take away a woman’s right to choose than to enact sound gun laws. Look, no one wants to take away anyone’s right to bear arms, the thing is that no one needs to have a stockpile of guns, even if it is protected by the 2^nd Amendment, because some right-wing nuts are supposedly scared of the very government they want to control and overthrow. . . remember the Capitol insurrection of January 6, 2021 (rhet.). Unsettling as it is, the research shows that white men are stockpiling guns mostly because they're anxious about their ability to protect their families, insecure about their place in the job market, and beset by racial fears. Moreover, people stockpile because they’re mounting some sort of resistance while others get a sordid rise out of a finely tuned machine that can pierce a distant target, cut down an animal or intruder with a single precise shot. For many, it is a bully’s toy of black plastic and metal that delivers a gratifying blast of adrenaline while delivering an imprudent embodiment of an antiquated Americana. 

Book of D: YT Influencers - Don't Throw Shade at Hard Work & Job Application Etiquette

I follow several YouTubers. It's the current nature of the beast, is it not, to be influenced by YT. It's not your grandmother's YouTube anymore, y'all. Anyway, this particular YT influencer (Shawn Spencer of Spencer Lawn Care) reminded me of something: don’t throw shade at those who work hard and are able to afford nice things in life. The YT influencer mentioned how some of his viewers have made snide comments about the stuff he and his wife Savanaha buy. The viewers have said things like “you buy a lot of stuff other people can't even afford a house.” 

It made me do an eyeroll, but it sounds about right these days when some people are too quick to make negative comments and assume that people with nice things didn’t work their butts off to afford such things. The Spencer wife-husband duo have worked hard for what they have. I have been watching their YT channel for years. I wish they lived in Midland, Tx, and I would def hire them to take care of my lawn. I love the Grounds Guys who currently handle our lawn care, but if the Spencer's were here instead of in Canton, OH, I would fire the GG and hire SLC. Anyheooow, I have had people make smarmy comments about what my spouse and I have or what we can afford to do and what great jobs we have. We've had our ups and downs, but like I told the YT influencer, it is no one's business. 

BTW, this YTuber (Shawn) also mentioned how some people don't pay attention to or care about how their job applications / resumes look when applying for a job. I also commented on that. I don't look down on people who lack the skills to properly create and format a resume or those who lack the skills to fill out an application. Good grammar does not a good, hard worker make. The disconcerting thing is that there are tons of free resources available to help job hunters with resume writing and filling out applications, but they just don't use them. It's so sad, too.

I commented the following on Spencer's YT channel, “As a person who works in higher education, it is perplexing to me how people are not more mindful when applying for a job. Regardless of the type of job, a person really should take more care about submitting a resume and such. We have had a few applicants, mostly for student-worker positions at the university I work for, who submitted applications that looked like they were students in grade school (SMDH). Anyway, good job reminding others how hard you and TQ work for what you guys have; honestly, it's no one's biz what y'all can afford to buy and such, but good going explaining that you haven't always had it easy. BTW, I def believe in karma and reaping what one sows. My late Mom always told us that no one leaves this good earth without paying for their sins. He is always watching. Keep mowing, keep growing ... you know the rest.”

Book of D: This is Almost It for "This Is Us" - Go, Ken, Go

Seriously. Using a train as a metaphor to represent the journey that is life was genius. I love and adore this show. I have been an avid fan and viewer since it started several years ago. The series has literally provoked every fucking emotion imaginable from my being. I freaking love that. So, with airing of the series' penultimate episode 'The Train' (Season 6, Episode 17), many thoughts were awakened. The episode incited many memories of times I lost a loved one. For example, I was taken back to when my Mom died - especially to the night before she died. It was all kinds of feels time. I was able to watch the episode alone since my spouse has been on a business trip with her employees. It actually worked out well that I watched 'The Train' episode alone. I needed to embrace certain thoughts and come to certain conclussions. I sort of embraced closure regarding certain events. It was such a poignant episode. It bothered me slightly when Rebecca saw Miguel, and he said she was still his favorite person in the world, and she responded with a flip gesture, then he just disappears. I get it. Miguel always cared deeper for Rebecca than she did for him. She was his one true love, whilst Rebecca's one true love would always be Jack. But, in the hour of serious pondering and questioning the realm of heaven, just who the fuck do we actully end up with in this so-called heaven. Seriously, folks, there are many questions that need answers by those who believe in a heaven. Who gets to be with who up there. And it is really north of us. When we die, do we get to live out all eternity with our parents, siblings, lovers, spouses, cousins. Just because we might want to reunite with our mom or dad in heaven doesn't really mean we will get to do that, right? Because what if their wish is to reunite with their parent. I mean, who the hell gets to be with who. It's just not logical at all to believe in a heaven. It is nonsensical. It's yet another man-made false promise to get people to be nice while they are here on earth: to be good humans for a possible reunification reward with loved ones. That's the very reason religion was created: to keep us humans in check. I don't know that I buy the idea of a heaven. A big part of me tends to believe that when we die, we just die and our bodies just decompose to become worm food. 

 ANYWAY . . . back to "This Is Us." So, at the end of her life, Rebecca was finally able forgive herself and find forgiveness from others who held key positions in her life. It has truly been a sublime series. But, it's what we've come to expect from "TIU" producer Ken Olin. Olin has been paramount in providing viewers quality storylines and loveable characters. After all, he first captivated our hearts in the late 80s as Michael Steadman in "Thirtysomething." And, who in the world can ever forget the episode when Gary dies. Ughhh. The heartbreak and jaw aching performance. Please, Ken Olin, bring us another masterpiece soon. 

Book of D: Fuel Prices in Midland, Texas - DAMN!

Before heading home from work on Wednesday evening, I fueled up Chewy II at the Sam's Club in Odessa, which is close to campus. The picture says it all ($45.20 for just 9.744 gallons, $4.63/gal. DAMN!). Even purchasing fuel as a Sam's Club member doesn't garner much of a discount. But, if high fuel costs help Ukraine win the war, then it's definitely worth it. As we all know, Putin’s invasion of Ukraine has driven up gas prices and food prices all over the world. A$$hole!

Book of D: End-of-the-Semester Appreciation Luncheon

Today, our Department of Student Affairs and Leaderhsip (DSAL) had it's end-of-the-semester luncheon. Our UT Permian Basin DSAL consists of about 65 people; several other departments on campus have been merged with DSAL, so it is a large group. I saw a few colleagues whom I had not seen for a while. I was so happy. Awards were given out and our Vice President of DSAL Dr. Becky Spurlock spoke about the many accomplishments we made, collectively and individually. For me, the Elimination of Tobacco Use (ETU) at the University of Texas Permian Basin was mentioned for having been nationally recognized as an outstanding program. 
And, we got nice gifts, too, like this tumbler. 

Later on following a yummy lunch, which was highlighted by the delicious Cordon Bleu, we were led by the Associate Dean of Students through a cooperative game of "tap a person who . . ." where everyone in the room remained seated with their eyes closed and five people were chosen at a time to walk around the room and tap a person who met a certain criterion (e.g., someone who is a good listener, someone you would like to get to know better, someone who makes you laugh, etc.). This was done for a total of about seven cycles. I was tapped several times, which was good; otherwise, I may have been triggered over not getting tapped. LOL. Kidding. It was actually a really good game.  

Changing the subject a bit, an odd thing occured upon arriving on campus this morning: I entered the building (the Falcon Center) where my office is located, and I heard people talking, but they were not in the first two offices, it sounded like they were in my office, which is the last office before you enter the conferenc room. It turns out that the gentleman (John) who is taking over the Coordinator of Student Veteran & Foster Alumni Services (VFA) position was allowed to work from my office since I have been telecommuting. It's okay that he is using my office, I guess. At the end of the day, I am a team player and do not mind sharing, but it would have been nice to get a heads up; afterall, it is my personal space. I am fine with John using my office on a temp basis; he used to be our campus Financial Aid Officer (SAP). John is replacing my friend Richard the current VFA Coor; Richard is leaving for greener pastures in the area of stand-up comedy. For real, y'all. Richard reminds me of a stand-up comic named Jose Sarduy whom I first saw at the Comedy Bar. LOL. 

Anyway, it was nice to be on campus today and seeing everyone. I am looking forward to returning f-t-f in July. 

Book of D: DSAL EOS Appreciation Luncheon - Just Pics

                       

Book of D: Karma Lining Up: A New Task for My Univeristy Position

So, earlier today, I heard from my boss at the university I work for. He was reviewing data from the end-of-the-semester reports that each staff member who is a coordinator or director and such has to sumbit. I finished mine and turned it in last Friday (May 13, 2022). In trying to justify certain items in the divisional budget, we each have to write up what we contributed to the University for the past semester and how we plan on further contributing in the upcoming semester. Part of the tasks assigned to me when I transferred from Student Success to Student Affairs have come to an end. The University of Texas System funds allocated to certain line items for each respective UTS University came to an end. No more funding for certain programming. It's all cool. I loved what I was helping with. I still get to continue doing those tasks but on a limited capacity. My boss asked me if I could take on certain duties for the counseling department. I was like "WHAT?" . . . "Are you serious?" It was like a wish come true for the kind of duties I want to help manage for the University. It was like somone heard my quiet plea (or prayer, if you will) and somehow figured out a way to grant that wish. Whatever it was, I leave it up to karma for having intervened on my behalf - as it often has. I have been fortunate in the way of opportunities opening up for me, per se. I have put in a lot of hard work, too, so I will not deny myself acknowledgement of the arduous work I have done that helped me arrive to this point in time. I am so excited.

Book of D: Creating a Google Classroom

I never wanted to be a teacher; however, partaking in pedagogy would be swell, but it would have to be in higher ed as a professor (with tenure track, of course). My current supervisor at the university I work for is always telling me and our university cohorts that I excel in educational development and planning. I totally agree with that. There is something about creating something that will be a benefit to others that appeals to the groovy part of me. 😉 The need for creating something worthwhile and beautiful is what pulled me away from the world of marketing and into the world of computer languages and coding. The truth is that almost everything works better if a person knows how to code. For example, I am often tasked with creating MS Excel spreadsheets, and knowing bits and lines of code have been especially helpful. Knowing how to code can be quite helpful to override certain Excel formulas that would confuse the likes of René Descartes himself. Moreover, knowing how to code helped me when I created a website for a Univeristy honor's organization that I helped charter five years ago and am still an advisor to. I did not use the "plug-and-play" options to create the website; instead I used my own codes for formatting and such.

I did the same with my many Blogger blogs and recently with my Google Classroom: I overrode the "p-n-p" and inserted my own lines of code to make them each user-friendly platforms while being mindful to people with disabilities. 

Anything that helps me utilize my creative side makes me happy. That is why I love to write. I am not a good writer, but I try to write well. LOL. Just like when I build things, I am in my element and the catharsis kicks in. 

Writing, reading, coding, programming, and building are all things I am passionate about. If they are taken away, I would find it difficult to breathe. True story!

Book of D: "Mildred Pierce," "Stella Dallas," & "Imitation of Life"

All these novels became classics. All similar yet different. The poignant theme tells of ungrateful daughters, breakfast foods, and rags-to-riches archetypes who end up paying a cost. Although each movie takes place in a different year and place, each one is obviously affected by the Great Depression where poverty is the baseline. Each tells of the love a mother has for her child. Or rather, the love that a good mom should have for her child. Actually, in the three stories, the daughters fail miserably to prove worthy of their mother's boundless love and devotion.

* "Mildred Pierce" (1941) was written by a man: James M. Cain. Anyway, the heartbreaking ending to "Mildred Pierce" reminds me why I opted out of motherhood. 

* "Stella Dallas" (1923) was written by Olive Higgins Prouty. Prouty wrote "Stella Dallas" as a way to cope with the death of her three-year-old daughter who died of encephalitis in 1923. Prouty was the benefactor to the indomitable Sylvia Plath until Plath died in1963. Prouty's novel, "Now, Voyager" inspired Plath's "The Bell Jar."

* The novel "Imitation of Life" (1933) was written by Fannie Hurst. Hurst's novels were beloved by her readers despite the fact that the pundits criticized Hurst for relying too heavily on stereotypes. Ughhh. The critics were men (ghastly, insecure little men).

     Anyway . . . I tried to process the relationships of each respective mother-daughter duo, and it reminded me of the sublime relationship I had with my own Mom. I was grateful that my Mom never had to fight for my love and attention; at least I don't think she did. If she did, that's my cross to bear. I never had to fight for my Mom's love and affection. Till the day she died, I knew where I stood with my Mom. She always showed me love; as I showed for her. She had respect for me; as I did for her. Mom had a fierce protective nature toward me; as savage as what I had for her. She had a love that was fierce and awesome; I hope she saw how mine was, too, for her. Mom told me she saw me as a strong person and that she relied on me to be strong for my siblings knowing her time on this earth was fast approaching the end. I didn't mind honoring her request back then; I still don't. I won't lie, it was the hardest request I've ever had to honor. I hope I did it right.