Book of D: Notoriety: The Crave Versus the Shade

It's no secret that at our U (as at every workplace in the world), if you're in with the right crowd (clique), you're going to get noticed. Everyone here works really hard. I'm not here to protest or contest that matter - as it is just fact: hard work is an occupational expectation at our U. I find it amusing, though, at times when people (not everyone) feel compelled to go overboard in an almost sycophantic manner to garner attention - especially when they are already doing sublime work and getting recognized for it. I guess they just need more attention. At this place, if a certain exec / administrator deems you worthy and has you hanging out with him or her (on- and off-campus) while sharing details on social media, then you are going to have all kinds of attention (good and bad). It doesn't always sit well with others seeing the exec(s) play favorites like that, especially by those who do work hard and never get attention. Overlooking those who work hard, often the behind-the-scenes players, is asking for trouble. It breeds resentment amoung coworkers, which often sets off negative things to happen: rumors, gossip, and story telling. I am too old for the rumor mill, so whenever I hear the gossip and complaining, I make myself scarce. I think a lot of people here have me pegged incorrectly as being anti-social and such, but it is not that at all. I just don't want to hear complaining or canards being said about others. I have already partaken in rumor mills and gossip, and I am old enough to remember being part of water cooler conversations. None of it is good. I was once an immature twenty-something year-old callow minded fool who lacked compassion for others as I heard stories - not knowing if they were real or not, I wantonly spread those vile stories like wildfire just the same. These days, I like to believe that I have matured and am fine not being part of that kind of diatribe, or more like backstabbing because that's what it is since it is done during said person's absence. The place of work has a lot to do with breeding and promoting ill-will and cynicism if negative work culture is not being properly addressed and discouraged (topic for another day, perhaps).

Conversely, none of it (the need for inclusion and notoriety) bothers me as much since I have already had my fair share of commendation and recognition with previous employers. To be honest, I am tired. I just want to help students in this job and retire. If I could retire tomorrow with enough money to travel with my spouse and be financially stable doing so, I would definitely bid adieu to the workplace. However, being introspective, I like to think that my journey and what I have to contribute is not finished yet, and I need to stay until I know I have finished whatever task that might be. I still haven't ruled out obtaining my PhD and/or opening a private counseling practice. For now, I try not to dwell on not being able to retire soon. I actually did retire from two previous jobs; one was through TRA from working at a community college and the former one was through mediation and signing an NDA and non-compete clause / restrictive covenant. I have a TRA at my present job and will fulfill the Rule of 70 in about 13 years, which is not too bad. I always figured on retiring by the time I was 75. If I came into some money soon, that would be a game changer. Again, I am not sure how things will work out once I decide on furthering my education or just completing my training for LPC licensure. All I really know is that I feel badly for cohorts who work hard and seldom or never get recognized for it. It does piss my off to see the same people get recognized, over and over and over. Short of being a pessimist and saying something mundane like "it is what it is," I just don't see how to fix any of that whithout opening up a can of whoopass or pandora's box, and whether it is my place to do so is another query. But I would advise those who feel unappreciated and unrecognized to be patient, keep working hard, stay clear of rumor mills, and stay in the "here and now"; no thinking about tomorrow and "what if." If you can't beat the clique or be part of it, at least don't be part of the shade. Things do change and bad people come and go; moreover, the positive most often supersedes the negative.