Book of Pain: My Boss Called with a Weird Message

 My boss at UTPB called me. He said that CCWTx had a couple of job openings in case I wanted to apply. I was getting ready to call the attorney when my boss called me, so I did not pay much attention to what he said. Then, as I had time to let his call bake, per se, I thought it was much too weird that he would tell me that. I wondered if he wants me to quit or does he want to get rid of me. The mental fatigue I have experienced is probably leading me to making up stories (like the stories we tell our clients in counseling). After all, he has never told me that he is unhappy with my work performance. NOT ONCE has he voiced any displeasure with my work. I really think that the car accident has done a number on me. Ever since the wreck, there is something wrong with my mental abilities. I am finding it hard to focus, I just want to be left alone, I think that maybe life would be easier if I didn't have to be a part of it, and I am just scared. I am scared of my boss being unhappy with me. I am scared of the medical bills I might incur because of the wreck. I am scared of hiring an attorney and things not working out in my favor. To be honest, the lady from the attorney's office scares me and makes me upset at the same time. She has not really been pleasant to talk to. She has been somewhat berating and condescending to me. She has told me that everyone is busy and everyone has things to do, but that I need to take things serious and decide what I want to do. She is pushing me toward doing something I am not ready to do especially since I haven't even spoken to the actual attorney yet. The last time I spoke to this lady at the attorney's, she was talking down to me all while she had kids yelling in the background. I don't know where she was, but it sounded like maybe she was home, and her kids were playing around and yelling. Whatever her situation was, she was unprofessional and unethical. Oh, my paid today is a whopping 8. Chiropractors scare me. My insomnia is getting worse. I am scared all the damn time.

Book of Pain: Mother's Day

I am missing my Mom. She has been gone for almost eleven years. I hate mother's day. It makes me sad not to have my Mom around anymore. I miss her. I miss calling her or her calling me each night. I miss her voice. Mostly, I miss her advice. She would be able to get me to make up my mind about what I need to do about hiring an attorney and how to defend myself against that angry lawyer's rep from hell. LoL. I can imagine the choice words my Mom would have about that rep. I just wish I could talk to my Mom one more time. My spouse's family from Lubbock was here visiting. They left today. I wish my back was not giving me grief or I would have been more able to hang out with them and I would have cooked up a nice breakfast and lunch before they left. My uncle suffers from chronic back pain, so he and I had a lot of things to talk about. I completely understand that our issues are not the same, though. His back issues are chronic while mine, I hope, are temporary. Anyhow, my back pain today is at a 7, and my mental fatigue is through the roof, and my insomnia is getting worse.

Book of D: A Three-Week Break: Visiting the Texas Student Counseling Intern Codes

Wow. This semester sure did go by quickly. The Spring 2022 semester technically ends tomorrow, Friday, May 6, 2022. I have already informed my respective clients that I will be on a 3-week hiatus and will not be able to counsel them until the Summer 2022 semester begins on May 31, 2022. 

[§681.52. LPC Interns] Per Texas Student Counseling Intern Codes: Student interns cannot earn hours outside of the official semester begin and enddates. By law, I also have to give my clients an alternative to counseling services, which means that if any clients choose to see another counselor in my absence, they have the right to do so. The clients have the right to be seen temporarily until I return. The clients also have the right to wait for my return. 

Texas Administrative Code

TITLE 22	EXAMINING BOARDS
PART 30	TEXAS STATE BOARD OF EXAMINERS OF PROFESSIONAL COUNSELORS

Chapters

CHAPTER 681

PROFESSIONAL COUNSELORS

So far, all but one of my clients have opted to just wait for me and take a 3-week break themselves. The one client who did not want to wait has requested a temp counselor during my absence, but the client wants to return to counsel with me as soon as the Summer 2022 semester starts.

I am kind of perplexed about the end of the semester. For one, I am glad it is coming to an end because I am so tired. Not only am I working fulltime at the university, but I am also interning while enrolled as a student on a fulltime basis. I really need this break. The opposite of this is that I am going to miss seeing my clients. I have worked hard, actually both my clients and myself have worked hard to establish a wonderful therapeutic relationship. The process of establishing therapeutic relationships is arduous and lengthy; some take longer, some happen faster. The therapeutic relationship must be maintained continuously throughout the duration of the determined-amount of counseling sessions. All that said, I am going to miss my clients because I have learned so much about them, and each one is extremely special in his/her own way.Per Texas Student Counseling Intern Codes: Student interns cannot earn hours outside of the official semester begin and enddates.

By law, I also have to give my clients an alternative to counseling services, which means that if any clients choose to see another counselor in my absence, they have the right to do so. The clients have the right to be seen temporarily until I return. The clients also have the right to wait for my return. So far, all but one of my clients have opted to just wait for me and take a 3-week break themselves. The one client who did not want to wait has requested a temp counselor during my absence, but the client wants to return to counsel with me as soon as the Summer 2022 semester starts.

Book of Pain: The Attorney's Rep Attempted Ripping a New One

If I am more apprehensive about hiring an attorney, I blame the lady from the attorney's office. She is awful. She needs how to be versed in treating potential customers and how to avoid scaring them away. Her demeanor alone is triggering. Her verbal maltreatment of me made me afraid and it made me indignant. I hated talking to her. She was so condescending and spoke to me like I was a three-year-old who had little experience in life. She said there is no reason not to move forward with an attorney because time is running out for me to hire one. She added that everyone is busy and that everyone has a life and things they have to do, and I need to decide what I need to do. G-d I hated how she berated me. Like I don't have enough to worry about. Like I don't have trust issues with people already. She didn't give me time to tell my side of the story. Plus, she called me by a different first name and said that she had read what the Midland Police Dept had written on their report, and I told her that the MPD didn't even show up, so there was no police report. They didn't show up because no one was seriously mamed or killed and the vehicles were able to be driven. I had to correct her about my first name two times. I don't like to be pressured into doing something I am not ready to do. I have a bad feeling about this mostly because I haven't had the opportunity to speak to the actual attorney yet. This lady was berating me while she her kids were in the background yelling as if they were playing. It was unprofessional for her to call me with all that background noise happending and her condescending to me. Her attitude is unethical. She needs to be trained in the realm of mental health because he manner of speaking to potential clients is not only triggering, but I can image how many clients have been lost because they didn't want to communicate with her. I would never talk down to others, especially if they were prospective clients. Shame on her. Shame on the attorney if they don't address. My pain is an 8. I haven't slept much at night. I have bad insomnia.

Book of D: Exactly What is Closure

So, here I am once again writing about The Real World Homecoming: New Orleans.

The episode in question pertains to Danny Roberts’ relationship with ex-boyfriend Paul Dill. They dated during The Real World: New Orleans season, which aired in 2000 and was MTV’s ninth installment of the docuseries. During the NOLA Homecoming episode #3, Danny talks about how he is burdened with a soul. He talks about his rough breakup with Military Paul. Danny left the toxic relationship and adds that he stayed with Paul way longer than he should have. Danny says he and Paul just went their separate ways after their split, and although Paul has reached out numerous times, Danny hasn’t spoken to him since. Danny reveals to his castmate, “Long story short, that motherf*cker started dating our mutual best friend behind my back. We have literally not spoken or seen each other since 2006.” Danny’s castmate convinces Danny he needs closure, so Danny arranges to meet Paul to have the overdue 16-year convo. It was a good episode (despite Julie being ignorant & entitled; a whole other story).😠

😶My thoughts: I wish I, too, could have that kind of closure with my ex. I wonder what that would look like. How would that conversation even begin? How would it end? I am not who I used to be during our time together — all those years ago. I have changed so much these last three decades, with the biggest change having occurred since my wonderful Mom passed away in 2011. I wonder if the things my ex and I fought over would still interfere in our trying to find common ground. I wonder if the things we agreed upon would still give way for commutuality. I wonder if she would blame me for the damaging things I did to her. I wonder if she could listen to my list of hurtful things that she did to me. I would really like to know why she cut me out of her life so suddenly. What does she think I did to garner such castigation? I have changed, and I am sure she has changed, too. It would be nice to meet for a nice dinner and delectable drinks and to reminisce about the good times — because there were so many of them. 💜 The feelings I had for that person still blister from time-to-time. Don't get me wrong, I love my life now, but I guess I will always wonder. Life is just one big ole f*cking asterisk. I wish I could get that damn closure that everyone talks about. Maybe things are meant to be a certain way, and we need to leave some stones unturned.

Book of Pain: Attorney Communicates But What Should I Do

 A local attorney returned my call. Actually, they texted me around 5:53 pm. I was in a counseling session with a client at On the Couch. I will call the attorney as soon as I finish doing some things for the end of Spring 2022 semester, internship I, and UTPB work-related things. I did return their text today at 7:23 pm. 

My back pain today is at a 7. I don't think the pain has been lesser than a 7 since the car accident. My mental fatigue has been through the roof. I don't know what to do. Should I let my insurance pay (that is not right since it was not my fault). Should I let the other driver's insurance pay (will they cover things upfront or leave me having to pay for things like last week when I went to the NP). I want to do the right thing. I don't like people who sue for nothing or to just get a big paycheck. I don't want to be viewed as money-hungry because I am not. I like helping others and doing things for others. I am not an altruist; I believe that the second someone calls him/herself an altruist, he/she fails at it. In all honesty, though, I am tired of people taking advantage of me. I am especially tired of those people who drive recklessly and are to blame for needless car wrecks and damages. Deep down, I know I need to do what is best for me and Sara. I am not getting younger, and my grad school bills are pilling up. I can't afford to be left paying for this accident out of my own pocket. One, it's not fair. Two, it's not affordable. I am starting to get paranoid and my sleep at night is for shit.

Book of D: Facilitating BASICS & CASICS (Brief Alcohol/Cannabis Screening and Intervention for College Students)

BASICS & CASICS: they're a mouthful, right? I have been facilitating the programs at UT Permian Basin for over three years. During my tenure at UTPB, I have also facilitated over the Center for Students in Recovery (partnered with and been a proud member of the Association of Recovery in Higher Education (ARHE)), the End Tobacco Use (ETU)/Peers Against Tobacco (PAT) Initiative, and Bystander Intervention. BASICS and CASICS are somewhat different programs, but they predicate the same kind of harm reduction outcomes and goals; both are used according to the kind of mandate and/or ajudication the respective student is given.

BASICS (Brief Alcohol Screening and Intervention for College Students) and CASICS (Cannabis Screening and Intervention for College Students) are evidence-based, two-session harm and reduction programs that strive to help students succeed personally and academically. We want to make sure that students have a terrific experience at the University of Texas and the other 13 academic and health institutions (UT System affiliates). 

Our BASICS program is student-centric and focuses on assisting students with making informed choices about alcohol to ensure they have personal and academic success. The program is an opportunity for students to examine their drinking behavior in a non-judgmental and non-confrontational environment. We use the term harm reduction to differentiate this program from abstinence-only programs that may neglect reasons why an individual chooses to drink. Hence, the focus of the harm reduction approach is to reduce negative consequences rather than merely telling individuals to avoid drinking altogether. The student is encouraged to take the lead on developing strategies to reduce alcohol-related consequences. Both sessions are designed to last approximately 50 minutes each to allow facilitators time to prepare for their next scheduled session. 

Facilitators are trained in the following research-based techniques: MI Spirit, MI Strategies (OARS), and Change Talk. Confidentiality is reviewed with the students as well. 

BASICS was originally developed at the University of Washington in order to reduce alcohol consumption and related problems for college students. Since its inception, BASICS has been adopted at universities throughout the country and has shown consistent results: decreases in the mean number of drinks when partying, reduction in the peak number of drinks per occasion, lower typical and peak BAC, and fewer negative consequences. BASICS has peer-reviewed evidence to support its efficacy in the college population. 

 How the Program Works

Session 1 is in a small group (up to 5 members) as participants discuss their personal beliefs about alcohol as well as information about alcohol and its effects. They will also discuss both the positive aspects (e.g., hopes) they expect to get out of drinking and the negative aspects (e.g., regrets) that they feel comfortable sharing. Other important topics in this session include the definition of a standard drink, signs of drunkenness, and the Amnesty for Alcohol Emergencies Policy. At the end of session 1, students complete a brief online survey that asks questions about drinking behaviors, perceptions of alcohol use on campus and strategies they currently use to reduce risk of alcohol-related harm and any negative effects of their alcohol use. Participants will also receive a drink tracker card to record the number of drinks over a two-week period and will schedule their individual session two weeks after session 1. Overall, the purpose of session 1 is to introduce the student to the program, provide information, and build rapport with the student(s). 

Session 2 is a one-on-one in which the student receives a printed copy of the feedback report and goes over this report together with the facilitator. Students learn how their drinking compares with other students on campus and collaborate with the facilitator to examine the student’s current relationship with alcohol and the role that the student would like alcohol to play in his or her future. This can include discussing protective strategies that the student feels would be useful for reducing alcohol-related consequences. Session 2 gives the student an opportunity to examine drinking behavior and identify harm reduction strategies.

Book of D: We Need to Have that Other Talk: Mental Health

It's vital to keep talking about it. As a country, we've gotten better but it's nowhere at the level that it should be. More money needs to be put into it. For example, the insurance industry needs better regulations. Most counselors don't accept health insurance because the insurance industry makes it difficult for them to file. That's one way to battle the rise of mental health. Another way is to offer more free mental health opportunities and resources. Currently, there aren't enough. Most counselors offer pro bono sessions, but they cannot afford to offer more. There are currently about 100,000 counselors in this country, but we need more. The government should make counseling programs cheaper. The cost for a mental health graduate program these days is about $75,000 to $100,000. We students don't get much financial aid. We should get as much as nurses or other medical students get. We have to undergo an arduous program that consists of tons of hours of training and student counseling, and even when we graduate with 65 required credit hours including 100 hrs of practicum and 600 hrs of internship, we still have to do 3000 more hours after graduation before we get a license,  LPC. The government should help make mental health counseling grad programs more affordable because right now, it's not and that's why less and less people are going into the mental health practice. It's not a cheap field to get into, but I wouldn't change a thing because helping others is helping myself. 

Book of D: If You're Going to San Francisco, Don't Expect a Real World Homecoming

 There's not much to say about why the creators of The Real World series chose not to have a Homecoming installment for the legendary San Fran cast. I have not read the official reason(s), but I can only guess. All I have read is that instead of creating a Homecoming: San Francisco, the creators are skipping ahead to season nine, and the year 2000. My guess for skipping the TRW Homecoming: SF is that perhaps the castmates prefer not to rehash Pedro's death or cast his beautiful life in a negative light. Sadly, Pedro passed away on November 11, 1994, one day after the final episode aired.

Afterall, we have seen TRW Homecoming: NY /LA/NO rehash negative convos and incidents, which painted some of the characters in a bad light. I don't think TRW:SF would paint Pedro in a negative manner, but no one wants to see reruns of Pedro getting belittled and irritated again by that creep Puck. Or maybe this particular cast just doesn't have time to devote to a Homecoming reunion. For instance, Pam is a doctor now in San Fran devoted to caring for others and teaching (professor of medicine) while being married to Judd. Judd is an award-winning cartoonist for DC Comics. Pam and Judd have been married for 20 years and have two children. I'm not sure what the others are doing these days. I don't care what Puck-a-roo is doing. Pam and Judd were my faves, along with Pedro. I mostly stayed up-to-date about the whereabouts of my favorite living cast members and posthumous celebrations for Pedro. Speaking of, there was a movie made about Pedro, aptly named Pedro, which was the "Official Selection" at the 2009 Toronto Film Festival.

San Francisco Cast: Pedro Zamora, Pam Ling, Judd Winick, Rachel Campos, Mohammed Bilal, Cory Murphy, Joanna Rhodes, and Puck Rainey.