Book of D: My Other Sister's Birthday

Well, well, well. My oldest sister, Aurora, celebrates her birthday today. I won't post her age. That would be rude. And, I ain't gonna be rude. LOL. She is my hero. There were times in my life as a teenager that I didn't think I was going to make it. I'm not just talking about getting through school, but with life in general. Thinking back, depression has always plagued me. I just didn't know what it was back then. I would often be riddled with bouts of melancholia, which was in and of itself bothersome. I thought I was weird. I hung back in the shadows and stayed away from big groups of people. It's safe to assume that a lot of my classmates thought I was rude or anti-social, but I didn't care. I was like Holden Caulfield in my favorite novel of all time: The Catcher in the Rye. I preferred not to get to know people and refrained from the sadness that losing them would cost me. Additionally, I like Holden's take on phony people: Phony people irk me to no avail, and I would prefer not associating with them. The art of knowing who to avoid has matured within my obstinate bones all these years. Sadly I must admit that there were years when my novice self did not know better than to socialize with certain people, and those relationships cost me dearly. Anyway, after this long-ass tangent, what I really want to say is "thank you" to my beautiful, badass sister, whom I also call "BSA" for Big Sis Aurora. Thank you, BSA, for saving my life so many times and for all the expenses you went through for me so that I could get stuff throughout school, for the prom, for my high school graduation, etc., for my love of math and reading, for my love of the Dallas Cowboys, and especially for allowing me to live with you after dad passed away and mama went to live elsewhere so she could recover from such a devastating loss. 

I love you so much, sis A. Love, BSD (Baby Sis Dora).

Book of D: My Sister's Birthday

My sister, Betty, has a birthday today. Tomorrow, our oldest sister, Aurora, celebrates hers. How cool is it for two sisters to celebrate birthdays just one day apart. I was kind of mad yesterday because the respective blankets I bought for each sister were going to cost more to ship (UPS) than what I actually paid for them. It sucked. The frugal side of me did not want to succumb and pay the exorbitant cost of shipping. Call me a cheapskate . . . it's whatevs! All I know is that I am extremely fortunate for each of my sisters. Each one is inherently different, but all of them are the same in how they love unconditionally. I think I am going to make a quick trip to my hometown of Big Spring this coming Friday to deliver the gifts (a.k.a. blankets) since I usually only work till noon on Fridays (thanks UT System). I hope my sister, Josie, who lives in Midland (same as I do), will be able to go with me to Big Spring - or maybe my niece, Alex (a.k.a. my child), will be able to get away from work and accompany me. If anything, I'll make the drive alone. I love driving; it helps takes the edge off. It helps me think about things and to sort through the muddle of life. It's a cathartic experience. Life is good, y'all!

Book of D: A New Direction

 So, it’s a long story. One I’m not really ready to write about right now. I haven’t really talked to anyone about it either – not even my own family (sisters). I have talked to my spouse about it, but I am not sure she really knows the full ins and outs of this debacle. I share half culpability for what has happened, well, maybe not half blame, maybe about 15 percent of the blame. Much like racism that lives in the hands of those in power, this issue also lays in the hands of those in power. I’m just the little guy, per se, trying to make sure my rights are not trampled on or dismissed. 

Stories by D: New Blog "HER"

Please feel free to read my new blog.

Where I will continue my preternatural, horror stories about "her".

  "HER"

Book of D: Sara's Mother

My spouse, Sara, wrote the passage below (in italics) about her mother. Her relationship with her mother has been estranged for years. In fact, they officially surpassed the halfway mark approximately ten years ago - in other words, since her days on this earth, my spouse has lived more years sans her mother in her life than with her in it. Actually, my wife made an interesting comment (as I wrote today's blog post) regarding the time her mother was in her life, "Was she really in my life, though?" ... "We didn't have a meaningful relationship  - not like a mother and daughter should."

I am saddened about my spouse's familial situation. It's a constant reminder to me to never forget how lucky I was to have had such an amazing mother. My mom accepted me for who I was. My mom adored my spouse very much. My spouse always says that my mom was more of a mother to her; my mom was the closest example of a mom to my wife.

Anyway, below is what my beautiful wife wrote about her mother back on April 22, 2023 following a positive session with her brilliant counselor. 

Mother

She didn't love me enough to be a better mother. I have since come to understand that there is no such thing as someone "loving you enough" to be better. People can only be as good as they are, no matter how much they love you. That's the bad news. The good news is that you have the power to hold their actions differently in your own mind and heart. You can choose to believe that your value is inherent, it's yours, and that the way your mother treated you says something about her, not you. Or you can choose to believe that your mother's neglect means that you are unlovable and worthless. As long as you keep that wound from closing, you'll be sore. 

Mother just didn't have the tools to navigate out of her own pain. She is a wounded child who had never developed beyond the emotional level of a teenager. That understanding freed me to start to be more forgiving toward myself, and to quit working so hard not to be my mother. 

Book of D: Hello My Onions - A Friendly Reminder About the Here and Now

"Hello my Onions!" Lol. I say this as if I had a massive group of followers. I wish. Or maybe not. 

It's been a while since I have posted. Lots of stuff goin' on, peeps. It's been like a spaghetti western: some good, tads of bad, and plenty of  ugly. First, I hurt my left arm / shoulder in May. I fell so hard and awkward that I not only hurt my humerus, which was not at all as the name might imply (i.o.w. - not humorous), but I managed to dislocate and tear other *stuff* including my rotator cuff. It's been 3 months, and the healing process has been slow. My left arm is actually shorter than my right arm now, which was not the case before my accident. HaHa.

Anyway, I had a few things on my mind that I wanted to share, but I'll keep it brief for now. Perhaps later this week or next, I will elaborate further. But for now, I'll just say that I have been antsy and avoiding living in the "here and now." Mirky mind and mucky thoughts. Whatever that bullshit even means. Yeah, Gestalt would be angry with me as he posited that living in the "here and now" helped increase one's self-awareness. Then, as uncanny as it was, this morning, I started watching a YT video (a channel I subscibe to), and the gentleman mentioned "being in the present." Wow, that's like the "here and now" . . . ! Semantics, ppl, it's all the same. This man was referring to the "present" in a theological manner and explained that G-d hands out joy in the "present" and if one does not enjoy it as such, he will never enjoy life and it will simply pass him by (paraphrased from Ecclesiastes 5:19). I'm not a religious person, but surprisingly, I did draw strength and comfort from this YT influencer's message. 

It is burdensome to me that I have not been living in the here or now - or in the present. Whichever manner, psychologically or religiously, that others opt to garner solace from  the act of "being present" or in the "here and now," for me, the psychological aspect of it reminds me to bask in today's ventures and to stop and smell the proverbial roses. It's also nice to be able to pass said message forward - as I was able to do with one of my sisters ealier, but that, too, is a topic for another day. 

Well, that's my personal dilemma lately: not being present in the here and now and worrying too far into the future. As if we humans have much control over life, let alone the future. And, as the saying goes: "we plan, G-d laughs." 

T.B.C. - I promise. *BTW, my apologies that my "Onion Gang" characters look like chickens 🤭. LOL.Their root heads/sprouts are difficult to draw sans A/P Photoshop. I'm out-of-pocket this weekend, spending time away from digital art programs. I'm having to somewhat resort to the O.G. hand to paper art🎨medium. But as I drew, I did remain in the "here and now!" That's progress, my onions!

Book of D: Un-Independence Day

Where did my country go? Yeah, it's a rhetorical question. As I sit here in my wonderful and recently renovated great room, watching one of those foreign flicks with subtitles that I adore beaucoup, it hits me hard that this country is never going to be free or independent for anyone  - especially not for minorities. The pondering of such things stemmed from an event that occurred just a few minutes ago. I logged onto a server that hosts a family thread between my niblings and myself. I was bidding everyone on the thread a pleasant night and asked if they had had a nice day. My nephew who lives in the south part of town said that the cops had been in his neighborhood about two hours earlier and made people who were setting off fireworks to discontinue doing so and to disperse into their respective homes. My nephew added that there were several police cars out there enforcing the firework's ban. I was kind of perplexed and ambiguity set in; conversely, I was kind of glad that the popo were doing their jobs because, as a concerned homeowner, it worries me that too many people ignore firework's bans and such. I didn't want my nephew's home to get caught in the middle of a careless fire. I was worried about my home, too, which is why I decided to run the sprinkler system. As I finished watering the front lawn and turned off the system, I received a text from my college friend who lives in the north side of town. She said that people in that neighborhood were still setting off fireworks. I told her about the police being at the south side of town enforcing the ban. She stupidly said something to the likes of 'well, that is a rough side of town and people there don't appreciate laws nor about taking care of their property.' She didn't know I have a nephew who lives on that side of town, but she soon learned that I did as I read her the riot act. She apologized. We ended the convo on a good note. But, I didn't pursue asking her for the favor I had wanted to interject with during the communication. Regardless of all the favors I've done for her, especially during grad school. 

It dawned on me that in the neighborhood where my spouse and I live, there were no police out enforcing bans or laws or whatever. I could hear way too many fireworks going off and never heard police sirens. But, this neighborhood isn't considered a bad part of town. Sure the homes are older, but most people take really good care of their respective homes (and lawns). Although my spouse and I once considered having a home built in the more prominent north part of town or just buying a turn-key one, we opted to remain where we are. We're only three blocks away from my sister and her family, which is cool during holidays, birthdays, or family game night. Plus, we have an understanding with our immediate neighbors, and although we're not chummy, we watch out for one another's property. I feel better living in this neighborhood because there is a mixture of people. The best part is there are no H.O.A. rules and fees. We've gradually renovated our awesome home throughout the years and are not far from paying off our mortgage. Moreover, we're in an area of town with a more mixed salad of races and ethnicities, per se. If we moved to the north side of town, we'd be living in an opulent area where H.O.A. fees are not just a setback but so are the people. If they're not white,  belligerently racist and ultra conservative, they're sycophantic minorities trying to fit in. Just like my friend who texted me earlier and foolishly stated that the cops are prejudiced against the south side because it's predominantly brown, black, and trashy. That friend, by the way, is Hispanic and her husband works in the oilfield industry. He's a roustabout with no college education who makes a six figure income. Yeup. Only in Midland! Anyway . . . Fuck the north side. Fuck the popo. But, mostly, fuck independence day in 'Merica.

Book of D: Star Wars or Star Trek

Why Do Many People Identify As A “Star Wars” Or A “Star Trek” Fan? Does It Have To Be Either/Or? People say it all the time: “I’m more of a Star Trek than Star Wars fan.” People ask it just as often: “Are you more into Star Trek or Star Wars?”

...Can it not be both? 

Personally, I have never understood the question’s assumption that being a fan of two filmic or televisual narratives set in outer space would be inconceivable. Preferring one over the other is obviously fine, and common, but appreciating both equally is just as valid. Still, comparing the two is a misguided exercise: the universes are too separate, founded on different principles, and largely exist in different mediums. The basis of the question is weak. People might as well be asked if they’re more into Jack Reacher (2012) or Adventureland (2009) simply because both take place in Pittsburgh— that makes them the same thing, right? Of course nobody thinks like that, but it’s essentially the logic of the question. Other than the fact that both Star Wars and Star Trek take place in space—a pretty thin criteria upon which to establish a preference for something—the two franchises have little in common. People who aren’t a big fan of either Star Trek or Star Wars tend to be the ones offering this query, reasonably assuming the two have more in common than the first word of their titles. Yet we fans feel the duty to provide an answer, even though we know it’s an unimportant distinction. We profess our allegiance and move on to the next topic. They are distinctly different universes each replete with its own lovable qualities. But there is simply too much explaining to do in telling someone why Star Trek and Star Wars are not that similar. That said, the truth is that people (myself included) do tend to favor one over the other. But the reason for that isn’t because of the similarities between the two franchises—it’s because of their vast differences.

Star Wars: Launched in 1977 as a film. Now, the franchise consists of: Seven films (soon to be nine) An anthology film and a spin-off film Several animated television series Dozens of video games Four theme parks Countless issues of comic books and novels Various radio programs, toys, board games, and endless merchandise Star Wars is primarily a classic battle of good versus evil. This contrast is represented by The Force, an omnipresent energy that binds all living things and the universe. The Force can bestow various powers upon those that can harness it, including telekinesis, clairvoyance, and mind control. The “dark side” of the Force uses these things for malevolence. Its narrative is based on classic literature like Beowulf and King Arthur and is presented in a format known as “space opera.” Star Wars was designed primarily as entertainment and the thematic messages of its narrative, putting less emphasis on the believability or scientific authenticity of its various sci-fi creations. The franchise is set in completely fictional locations with no known connection to Earth. It depicts a universe where constant conflict exists. The bulk of the universe’s known canon comes from its feature films. Star Trek was launched in 1966 as a procedural television show which ran for 79 episodes. The franchise now consists of: The original television series Four live action spin-off television shows (soon to be five) One animated television series 12 feature films (soon to be 13) Dozens of video games, board games, tabletop games, pinball machines, card and role playing games Countless comic books and novels Various toys and endless merchandise Star Trek was the product of Cold War and cultural sentiments of the 1960s. It promotes a vision of humanity that operates as a unified race, free of the burdens of hunger, poverty, or the need for material gain. Humanity has evolved into a race striving for self-betterment and knowledge, exploring the galaxy to that end. Its primary protagonists are representatives of a group known as Starfleet, which is an Earth-based organization that traverses space in search of new life. When they meet new species, they strive to not interfere in the natural progression of that species. Star Trek was created as a “space western,” to reflect societal desires at the time of its creation and to offer a philosophical example of a promising future for humanity. It attempted to establish scientific logic to many of its science fiction creations and is frequently cited as the inspiration for many realized modern technological developments. Much of Star Trek’s drama is based on diplomacy and exposition as opposed to action. It directly explores the nature of humanity, and that exploration serves as the foundation for the franchise’s material. Star Trek is based on Earth characters and takes place in our local galaxy as well as fictional locations with fictional races. It depicts an Earth where conflict no longer exists. The universe’s known canon is shared between its television series and feature films. Each universe is clearly packed full of material thanks to decades of consistent fandom. In quantity of visual entertainment, Star Trek is considerably bigger than Star Wars. Its television series alone consist of over 700 hour-long episodes of programming, and it still exceeds Star Wars in number of feature films. Both franchises have so much literary material that it is a challenge to count: Star Wars novels are still immensely popular, and Star Trek comics have been written near-continuously since 1967. But these statistics aren’t what separate the two. Content is where the difference lives, and the difference in content can be seen in each title—by the word that follows “Star.” Star Wars is about people struggling to survive in a persistent, ongoing war. Star Trek is about people trekking through space, looking for new species and information.

People love Star Wars because it can be revisited endlessly; its classic epic narrative never grows old. Good will always triumph over evil, while the preceding struggle never fails to engage us in an entertaining coming-of-age journey that carries us through a satisfying climax and resolution. Star Wars also marks the first time many of its strongest fans were completely blown away by a moviegoing experience. When Star Wars hit theaters, it was a spectacle. Its characters aren’t rich or complex, but they are likable in their simplicity. Its narrative was linear and simplistic, but it told a basic story in a completely new and incredible environment, and along the way it used some of the most spectacular visual effects anyone had ever seen. Star Wars fans lined the blocks outside theaters trying to get in, and movie houses were sold out for weeks as people flocked to witness this unprecedented film. It was, by definition, an instant phenomenon. Star Trek, in contrast, was so cheap-looking when it premiered in 1966 that it seems hilarious by today’s standards. It was a low-budget show with unknown actors traveling through space and ending up on rocky terrain sets that all looked somewhat familiar. There were rubber masks, boom mics dropping into frame, and frequent and obvious use of models. Many of the series’ plots were ridiculous, and the series became known for its camp more than its quality. Star Trek didn’t even achieve mainstream popularity until after its cancellation while it was being shown in broadcast syndication. The show’s growing popularity during syndication led to the creation of several Star Trek films and, eventually, its first spin-off series, The Next Generation (1987), which triggered Trek’s explosion in popular culture. Almost all of the franchise components named above came after The Next Generation. While Star Trek premiered to a generation of people who are now grandparents, both franchises have spanned decades and captured the hearts of multiple generations. The ability to observe each franchise from its origins and appreciate its evolution is one of the factors that commands such a powerful love from fans—that and the unisex nature of both series, which include a plethora of characters with whom people of either gender can identify. Fandom for both series can be shared between parents and children, men and women, young and old. That makes for strong bonds, and strong commitment. The Guardian put together a side-by-side collection of interviews where people explain why they’re a Star Trek or Star Wars geek. A pro-Star Wars fan explains, “Star Wars caught on in a way Star Trek didn’t because it taps into something more universal, more felt than thought, grounded in some of our deepest, most instinctual dreams. Star Wars isn’t really even science fiction, except in the sense that it contains robots and spaceships as window dressing. It’s simply a grand fantasy playing on all the old archetypes, wrapped up in a package that appeals to today’s filmgoer.” (Meanwhile, die-hard “Trekkies” often cite the fantasy versus sci-fi divide as an argument against Star Wars.) One of the Guardian’s Star Trek fans counters criticisms of Trek‘s production values: “The original Star Trek series is often derided for its 1960s campy silliness and for effects that barely held up to scrutiny even then, but it was incredibly progressive in matters of race and gender. It makes Star Wars, released a full decade later, look almost laughably retrograde.” Some Star Trek and Star Wars fans also like to theorize hypothetical situations, such as: Could The Federation win a battle over the Empire? Does a phaser beat a light saber? Is Boba Fett’s Slave ship stronger than the Enterprise-D? These are in-depth, reasoned comparisons, complete with an infographic. But that is the kind of material that we nerds talk about among ourselves. When people ask if we prefer Star Trek or Star Wars, our opinions are heard, but they have little influences on how fans ultimately align. With two universes made up of a multitude of media, viewers’ decisions as to what to watch (and re-watch) come down to the core of what each narrative is: an entertaining space-based battle between good and evil, or a longer-form philosophical examination of the human condition. Trek requires work and appreciation for slow-paced intellectual drama, while Wars thrives on energy, charisma, and universal archetypes mixed with odd otherwordly creatures. The choice between the two is a matter of taste and not at all a reflection on which is, ultimately, a better story. I submit that both are worth loving.

Book of D: Remembering Philip

As I was watching one of my favorite YT wood working channels, I thought about my dear nephew Philip. He would be 43 years young this June, 2023. He passed away much too soon (May, 2000). Why didn't Philip get to live as long as the rest of us? Why didn't Philip get to keep living as the rest of us have? Why was he pulled away to some unknown realm and denied the ability to stay with us? What did he do that was so wrong? I don't subscribe to the bullshit edict (or whatever you want to call it) that people die and go to heaven because "god" needed another angel. What kind of bullshit is that anyway! Philip was beloved and needed here, with us, his family. He had just moved in with a young lady he loved. He was just starting to come out of his shell, per se, and start living life. The shy but well-mannered young man was starting to do the things he wanted to do in life. He never hurt anyone or disrespected his family and elders. So, why did he not get to move forward with our family! So, it is now Wednesday, April 5, 2023, and I didn't get to finish the blog post from the 26th of March. Not sure why. I think it was just too much for my brain to process. But, I must say that not one day goes by that I don't think about my wonderful nephew. I remember how much he liked to discuss things that involved wood working, cars, music, books, movies, etc.... there wasn't much that I couldn't discuss with Philip. The one major topic included wood working and building things from scratch. I guess that is why the YT channel I mentioned earlier sparked thoughts of my beautiful nephew. I miss him. I miss Philip so damn much. I cried with my spouse a couple of days ago; actually, it was the day I started writing this post (March 26, 2023). I had not cried so much as I did that day. There is actually another reason for my bout of melancholia, but that will have to be a post for another day because that reason is ridden with way too much sadness and heartache in and of itself.