Book of D: The "Feels"

It happens every so often. The "feels" start making their way to my head; I feel them traversing through to the pit of my belly. I didn't know how to handle them when I was younger. I just thought I was going crazy or that there was something seriously wrong with me (which there actually was). I went around always feeling lonely—no matter who I was with or what we were doing. The “feels” were worse in my 20s. I thought I was going to feel this way for the rest of my life. I was constantly in a panic; afraid I was going to be abandoned. It was like the Gotye song, "Someone that I Used to Know." The first verse to the song was haunting but equally beautiful—and rang so true regarding the way I had been feeling for so many years. 

It turns out that most of the "feels" were the cause of a serious thyroid condition that took years for doctors to diagnose. I believe had I not returned home to west Texas in 1995, I would have gone several more years going undiagnosed, feeling awful, and not knowing what was really wrong with me. Now, some thirty years later, and I have a grip on reality. I am in tune with my body and mind. I am on meds and am ecstatic knowing I am pursuing a career that will help me help others. I am not always on a perfect plane with the “feels”; sometimes they get the best of me—other times, it just takes a day or two of mental health recharging. I have to give myself a break and remember that I am human. My supervisor is well-versed in the area of mental health, so I am able to telecommute as needed. I believe today’s “feels” are more garnered toward the fact that we have lost another loved one. A distant relative, but still very much held in high regard. I’ll be fine. Spring Break ends this week, and next week, we will be busy again at the University with students returning. Plus, our U has a huge announcement to make. More about that TBA.