Self-Indulgence: Simply...Thinking of You!

Thinking of you, thoughts of you so provocatively innocent

If only you knew my heart and who I could be

Maybe it would envelope your heart with the love I have

I would gladly give it and ask nothing in return

Only wanting to listen to you, to see you, to tell you

Words are blocked by a lost soul that just wanders

Not knowing your world seems blasphemous

Being allowed to linger would be best, but doubtful

For the moment I remain enraptured by thoughts of you

Maybe one day my dreams might awaken a certain truth

The truth is what I have always feared, for you are so far away

Must it remain that way, such trepidation to never know

You are often so close, but my heart deems you linger too far away

The unknown is what truly terrifies the essence of me

That you see me and find emptiness as your heart seeks another

I remain your secret aficionado and protector of innocence

One day perhaps clouds will guide your way to forever see my heart
Time always the enemy...I remain silent and still...still thinking of you

Dora's Corner: The Art of Matriculation! Then Comes Winter Interim!

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” 
― Bernard M. Baruch
...Well, the end of the fall semester is just days from being over.  "Finals Week," is almost upon us; however, there are a couple of classes that allowed students to take their final this week.  So, that's two down for me, but two to go.  And, let's just say that the angst, that is accompanied by the torture of preparing for exams, is hitting everyone hard; for me, it is especially hard.  Not because of the studying required, because I can "hang" with the best of 'em, but because of those damned feelings I have been experiencing - the freaking melancholy.  I am taking an honor's online course this winter interim, and I am excited for that; however, it does not really replace the actual interaction one has with other students and instructors.  But, as I like to say often: "it is what it is!"
Regarding the winter course, it is going to be difficult because it is going to go fast, but I knew what I was getting into when I was asked to sign up for it...and when I agreed to it.  If I do well, then good for me (and kudos to the awesome prof who is teaching the course), but if I fall flat on my face, then no one is to be blamed but me and my stupidity and overreaching ways.  #ROTFLMAO
I will be writing a research paper for the interim course.  I love to write so it will be fun, but it will be equally challenging as well because I have to start the research first by assuming the role of an instructor, per se.  I have to come up with a survey, questionnaire, or form of communication with one student from each of the four courses I was enrolled in this fall (including my fall flex course).  I was fortunate to have gotten the full cooperation of four students who I think highly of...not only because they are serious and studious, but because they are well-rounded individuals who appear to have their act together (my English prof would end up with an ear worm (sort of)  if she read that idiom I just wrote...it's all good - it's just a blog, which is why I am also using contractions...my bad, dear prof.).
I must admit that the last student I needed from the computer-related night class that we took together, well, she was the most difficult to get to agree to this.  Not because she did not want to at first, but because she is quiet, perhaps reserved, and because she did not accept my previous invitations to partake in group activities away from class (mostly study group activities).  I love talking to people, and maybe the fact that I am too chatty made her leery of past invites.  Again - I must say: "it is what it is!"  The only thing that matters is that she is on board now, and she has especially complimented the awesome group of students who will be making the winter interim research paper easier for me to get through...knock wood.
Life is good, people are good...when you have the opportunity to have both, take it, and enjoy the hell out of it! ~ D.D. Carey

Self-Indulgence: Simply...Missing You!

Missing you, dearly missing you.

The time is drawing nearer and no more seeing you.

Oh, but we have only spoken a few times.

But that one special glance was all it took.

I know you know me, but do you know how I feel.

I doubt that you do, you hardly ever reply.

I’ve tried reaching out to you, but my pleas you ignore.

Am I just someone you see every day as you stride by.

Or am I someone you equally like but also cannot approach.

I long to be near you, to see you, to hear you.

I stand alone, silent, never talking, never seen, never close enough.

I don’t know what to do anymore, I am lost.

Maybe fate decreed that you not be a part of my world.

It makes me weak, breaks my heart, and makes me somber.

I will let you go, though sadly, you were never mine.
But I wish you forever love and always to be well.

My days without you won’t soon be easy to cope with – not at all.

For you are not in my life as I had hoped, not even for a stolen second.

One day maybe we will meet again – I do not know - I can hope.

Time cheats us...I continue missing you, dearly missing you.

Dora's Corner: Rewards: The Perks of Going to College!

Going to college is not just about taking courses and getting good grades, it is also about being social and making friends - hopefully you will make one or more good friends that you will have for the rest of your life.  My niece, who is enrolled at MC as I am, and I spoke about the topic of why people go to college: the different classes, the things we would change, the things we liked, our ambitions, our ups and down, etc.  Mainly, we highlighted the feelings that each of us was trying to overcome lately; the inundating feelings of melancholy.  I brought it up because I have not really been able to talk to many people about my feelings, not just the feeling of melancholy, but of some weird association of feeling like I am losing something special.  Maybe I haven't learned the art form of not allowing myself to get so attached to people and to things.  Maybe I just need to check myself and be more realistic; however, at the end of the day, I like who I am, and that I cherish things and people as I do.  Once you have lost as much as I have in my own life, you will learn the other art form of appreciation.  I do not overwhelm others or myself by caring too much, but I do put a lot of effort into anything I do or any relationship that I form.  
Each day that we get closer to the fall semester coming to a close, I do not rejoice, instead I get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Is it crazy for me to feel like this! (rhetorical)...  I am almost embarrassed to talk to other people, especially classmates, about how I am feeling because it seems that the more I am saddened about the semester almost ending, others are overjoyed about it; furthermore, some are overtly anxious and are counting the days until the fall semester draws to a close; to most of the overly anxious, college has become blasé and cumbersome.  Shame on them is all I can muster for now.  
I am so glad that I brought up the topic when my niece and I were riding back home from having watched the wonderful opera, Il Barbiere de Siviglia (Rossini, 1775), yesterday afternoon.  My niece drove while I basked in the comforts of her new car loving the new car smell which still permeated the interior of her beautiful car.  My bad....I went off on a tangent...  
Anyway, it was nice to finally talk to my niece (a.k.a. fellow MC student) who basically shared the same sentiments of melancholy that had been plaguing me lately.  We spoke of the wonderful professors whose tutelage we were (respectively) privileged to have been a part of this semester.  We also touched upon the many classmates that made us laugh and made some of the more difficult courses easier to deal with when the study material became arduous and demanding.  Of course, we delved upon the special classmates who provided more than humorous entertainment and study-group time, we spoke fondly of the few mates who we will miss dearly; those who provided an actual friendship to us when we needed it the most.  My niece agreed with me that she had made a couple of good friends in certain classes of hers - as I had done.  However, neither of us is certain if we will keep ties or communication with these people, we would like to, but as with so many things in life that have two sides, what we want may not coincide with what the other person wants.  In other words, we may want to keep a friendship going; however, they might not.  Simple math 1+1=2, but with people, that formula gets tossed and the end result is as vague, vast, and uncertain as is infinity ∞