Book of Pain: Resolution Thursday: Litigation is 10-4

My back pain is at a 6 today. Like Madea would say, "Hallelujer!" 

I think that the Cruela woman from that unscrupulous law firm had me so rialed up and confused that my mental ails were being masked by my back pain. Today, I met with the other driver's insurance rep and was able to settle for a monetary amount which both my spouse and I were happy with. It is a fair and just amount, plus, my vehicle will be repaired and any future medical bills I incur (up to 6 mos.) will be reimbursed. The sh!t one can get done when the legal community is stifled. I.E., shut the fuck up lawyers! Remember the million jokes about lawyers? (rhet.) I used to want to be an attorney at one time. I am so glad I didn't join the pool of unethical sharks. I'm not a legal counselor, but I am a mental health counselor, and to me, that career is more worthy. WORD! 

Joke about lawyers: 

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they’d rather keep their clients in the dark!

What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue!

What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A good start!

Book of Pain: The Attorney's Rep is Cruella de Vil - Actually, She's His Wife

So, the attorney's rep just called me. She didn't know who I was, then I explained who I was, and she immediately went for the jugular. She was condescending again. She called me "the procrastinator," and said I was the one who was "the counselor with so many things to do." She was being awful. I could barely get a word in edgewise. She kept on and on saying that she has over 20 years of dealing with all types of people with different issues. She then added that I am intelligent and should know that I needed to make a quick decision about scheduling with their office. I told her I suffer from mental health issues which often hinders me in making choices I feel are not deserving of a quick decision. I said things are not always black and white, and I often weigh decisions while scrutinizing the gray areas. She reiterated about her 20 years of experience with calling different people with different issues including mental health ones on behalf of her husband; then she almost seemed to brag about how she is married to the attorney I was trying to hire. I knew right then and there that I had no recourse with this wicked witch. She stated it was too late for them to schedule me or for me to hire them and that I was lucky to even get $500 out of this case. I replied that I do not like frivolous lawsuits. She responded by saying that my case was never going to be a lawsuit anyway, it was just going to be them helping me get my car fixed and my medical expenses covered. I was livid, and I finally told her it was best to just stop talking and go our separate ways. I said that I was told from the beginning that they would sue the other party, but since they have now chosen not to help me sue that I could get my insurance company to handle things. I managed to tell her before we hung up that because I do suffer from mental health issues, I tend to put others needs before my own, and that is why I procrastinated; otherwise, I would have hired an attorney right away. She kept being aloof and flip. This woman is barbaric. If Ivan ever needed a female sidekick, this woman would have sufficed. I don't know what I am going to do. All I know is that so much time has been wasted. I never wanted to get a million dollars from this. I just wanted to do the right thing and be taken care of properly - with respect and mindfulness. My back pain is at a 9 because of the attorney's rep-from-hell. She wasn't the sole cause of my pain and sleep disorder of late, but she sure didn't help at all. Everyone in West Texas hide your puppies – Cruella de Vil is on the loose. 

Book of Pain: Paranoia Definitely Will Destroy YA - So Will Insomnia

 Well, my sleep pattern is all fucked up. I am faced with so many challenges, and in all honesty, I just don't want to face any of them. I just want to roll up and I don't know what. I sleep during the day. I make sure I fulfill my work duties, of course. I am on a break from grad school until the Summer semester begins on May 31st, so that's a blessing of sorts in that I don't have to worry about my clients. Right now, I am just perplexed. My life is a damn enigma. I texted the attorney yesterday to say I would move forward with them, but I have not heard back. I texted that lady from hell who scares the bejezzus outta me; let's hope she returns my text. I do not look forward to hearing from her at all. I just want to tell someone how she mistreated me and how negatively she spoke to me and how she's the big reason I haven't been able to make up my mind about hiring a lawyer. I am too damn old to let anyone push me around like this. I normally don't let anyone mistreat me or talk down to me, so it just mystifies me that this one lady can scare me so much. I just don't understand it at all. I am afraid of every thing anf every one these days. I just want to sleep and have no responsibilities. I wish I wasn't in this situation. My negative job security scares me; my grad school bills scare me; my grad school obligations scare me. I worry about things I did not used to worry about before this stupid car wreck. I wish things could go back before that guy rammed into my vehicle. Life was still complex, but I at least had direction and being scared was not in the cards. My back pain today is at a 7. The pills my doctor prescribed don't help me much. I don't know what would help me. Ughhh!

Book of Pain: My Boss Called with a Weird Message

 My boss at UTPB called me. He said that CCWTx had a couple of job openings in case I wanted to apply. I was getting ready to call the attorney when my boss called me, so I did not pay much attention to what he said. Then, as I had time to let his call bake, per se, I thought it was much too weird that he would tell me that. I wondered if he wants me to quit or does he want to get rid of me. The mental fatigue I have experienced is probably leading me to making up stories (like the stories we tell our clients in counseling). After all, he has never told me that he is unhappy with my work performance. NOT ONCE has he voiced any displeasure with my work. I really think that the car accident has done a number on me. Ever since the wreck, there is something wrong with my mental abilities. I am finding it hard to focus, I just want to be left alone, I think that maybe life would be easier if I didn't have to be a part of it, and I am just scared. I am scared of my boss being unhappy with me. I am scared of the medical bills I might incur because of the wreck. I am scared of hiring an attorney and things not working out in my favor. To be honest, the lady from the attorney's office scares me and makes me upset at the same time. She has not really been pleasant to talk to. She has been somewhat berating and condescending to me. She has told me that everyone is busy and everyone has things to do, but that I need to take things serious and decide what I want to do. She is pushing me toward doing something I am not ready to do especially since I haven't even spoken to the actual attorney yet. The last time I spoke to this lady at the attorney's, she was talking down to me all while she had kids yelling in the background. I don't know where she was, but it sounded like maybe she was home, and her kids were playing around and yelling. Whatever her situation was, she was unprofessional and unethical. Oh, my paid today is a whopping 8. Chiropractors scare me. My insomnia is getting worse. I am scared all the damn time.

Book of Pain: Mother's Day

I am missing my Mom. She has been gone for almost eleven years. I hate mother's day. It makes me sad not to have my Mom around anymore. I miss her. I miss calling her or her calling me each night. I miss her voice. Mostly, I miss her advice. She would be able to get me to make up my mind about what I need to do about hiring an attorney and how to defend myself against that angry lawyer's rep from hell. LoL. I can imagine the choice words my Mom would have about that rep. I just wish I could talk to my Mom one more time. My spouse's family from Lubbock was here visiting. They left today. I wish my back was not giving me grief or I would have been more able to hang out with them and I would have cooked up a nice breakfast and lunch before they left. My uncle suffers from chronic back pain, so he and I had a lot of things to talk about. I completely understand that our issues are not the same, though. His back issues are chronic while mine, I hope, are temporary. Anyhow, my back pain today is at a 7, and my mental fatigue is through the roof, and my insomnia is getting worse.

Book of D: A Three-Week Break: Visiting the Texas Student Counseling Intern Codes

Wow. This semester sure did go by quickly. The Spring 2022 semester technically ends tomorrow, Friday, May 6, 2022. I have already informed my respective clients that I will be on a 3-week hiatus and will not be able to counsel them until the Summer 2022 semester begins on May 31, 2022. 

[§681.52. LPC Interns] Per Texas Student Counseling Intern Codes: Student interns cannot earn hours outside of the official semester begin and enddates. By law, I also have to give my clients an alternative to counseling services, which means that if any clients choose to see another counselor in my absence, they have the right to do so. The clients have the right to be seen temporarily until I return. The clients also have the right to wait for my return. 

Texas Administrative Code

TITLE 22	EXAMINING BOARDS
PART 30	TEXAS STATE BOARD OF EXAMINERS OF PROFESSIONAL COUNSELORS

Chapters

CHAPTER 681

PROFESSIONAL COUNSELORS

So far, all but one of my clients have opted to just wait for me and take a 3-week break themselves. The one client who did not want to wait has requested a temp counselor during my absence, but the client wants to return to counsel with me as soon as the Summer 2022 semester starts.

I am kind of perplexed about the end of the semester. For one, I am glad it is coming to an end because I am so tired. Not only am I working fulltime at the university, but I am also interning while enrolled as a student on a fulltime basis. I really need this break. The opposite of this is that I am going to miss seeing my clients. I have worked hard, actually both my clients and myself have worked hard to establish a wonderful therapeutic relationship. The process of establishing therapeutic relationships is arduous and lengthy; some take longer, some happen faster. The therapeutic relationship must be maintained continuously throughout the duration of the determined-amount of counseling sessions. All that said, I am going to miss my clients because I have learned so much about them, and each one is extremely special in his/her own way.Per Texas Student Counseling Intern Codes: Student interns cannot earn hours outside of the official semester begin and enddates.

By law, I also have to give my clients an alternative to counseling services, which means that if any clients choose to see another counselor in my absence, they have the right to do so. The clients have the right to be seen temporarily until I return. The clients also have the right to wait for my return. So far, all but one of my clients have opted to just wait for me and take a 3-week break themselves. The one client who did not want to wait has requested a temp counselor during my absence, but the client wants to return to counsel with me as soon as the Summer 2022 semester starts.

Book of Pain: The Attorney's Rep Attempted Ripping a New One

If I am more apprehensive about hiring an attorney, I blame the lady from the attorney's office. She is awful. She needs how to be versed in treating potential customers and how to avoid scaring them away. Her demeanor alone is triggering. Her verbal maltreatment of me made me afraid and it made me indignant. I hated talking to her. She was so condescending and spoke to me like I was a three-year-old who had little experience in life. She said there is no reason not to move forward with an attorney because time is running out for me to hire one. She added that everyone is busy and that everyone has a life and things they have to do, and I need to decide what I need to do. G-d I hated how she berated me. Like I don't have enough to worry about. Like I don't have trust issues with people already. She didn't give me time to tell my side of the story. Plus, she called me by a different first name and said that she had read what the Midland Police Dept had written on their report, and I told her that the MPD didn't even show up, so there was no police report. They didn't show up because no one was seriously mamed or killed and the vehicles were able to be driven. I had to correct her about my first name two times. I don't like to be pressured into doing something I am not ready to do. I have a bad feeling about this mostly because I haven't had the opportunity to speak to the actual attorney yet. This lady was berating me while she her kids were in the background yelling as if they were playing. It was unprofessional for her to call me with all that background noise happending and her condescending to me. Her attitude is unethical. She needs to be trained in the realm of mental health because he manner of speaking to potential clients is not only triggering, but I can image how many clients have been lost because they didn't want to communicate with her. I would never talk down to others, especially if they were prospective clients. Shame on her. Shame on the attorney if they don't address. My pain is an 8. I haven't slept much at night. I have bad insomnia.

Book of D: Exactly What is Closure

So, here I am once again writing about The Real World Homecoming: New Orleans.

The episode in question pertains to Danny Roberts’ relationship with ex-boyfriend Paul Dill. They dated during The Real World: New Orleans season, which aired in 2000 and was MTV’s ninth installment of the docuseries. During the NOLA Homecoming episode #3, Danny talks about how he is burdened with a soul. He talks about his rough breakup with Military Paul. Danny left the toxic relationship and adds that he stayed with Paul way longer than he should have. Danny says he and Paul just went their separate ways after their split, and although Paul has reached out numerous times, Danny hasn’t spoken to him since. Danny reveals to his castmate, “Long story short, that motherf*cker started dating our mutual best friend behind my back. We have literally not spoken or seen each other since 2006.” Danny’s castmate convinces Danny he needs closure, so Danny arranges to meet Paul to have the overdue 16-year convo. It was a good episode (despite Julie being ignorant & entitled; a whole other story).😠

😶My thoughts: I wish I, too, could have that kind of closure with my ex. I wonder what that would look like. How would that conversation even begin? How would it end? I am not who I used to be during our time together — all those years ago. I have changed so much these last three decades, with the biggest change having occurred since my wonderful Mom passed away in 2011. I wonder if the things my ex and I fought over would still interfere in our trying to find common ground. I wonder if the things we agreed upon would still give way for commutuality. I wonder if she would blame me for the damaging things I did to her. I wonder if she could listen to my list of hurtful things that she did to me. I would really like to know why she cut me out of her life so suddenly. What does she think I did to garner such castigation? I have changed, and I am sure she has changed, too. It would be nice to meet for a nice dinner and delectable drinks and to reminisce about the good times — because there were so many of them. 💜 The feelings I had for that person still blister from time-to-time. Don't get me wrong, I love my life now, but I guess I will always wonder. Life is just one big ole f*cking asterisk. I wish I could get that damn closure that everyone talks about. Maybe things are meant to be a certain way, and we need to leave some stones unturned.

Book of Pain: Attorney Communicates But What Should I Do

 A local attorney returned my call. Actually, they texted me around 5:53 pm. I was in a counseling session with a client at On the Couch. I will call the attorney as soon as I finish doing some things for the end of Spring 2022 semester, internship I, and UTPB work-related things. I did return their text today at 7:23 pm. 

My back pain today is at a 7. I don't think the pain has been lesser than a 7 since the car accident. My mental fatigue has been through the roof. I don't know what to do. Should I let my insurance pay (that is not right since it was not my fault). Should I let the other driver's insurance pay (will they cover things upfront or leave me having to pay for things like last week when I went to the NP). I want to do the right thing. I don't like people who sue for nothing or to just get a big paycheck. I don't want to be viewed as money-hungry because I am not. I like helping others and doing things for others. I am not an altruist; I believe that the second someone calls him/herself an altruist, he/she fails at it. In all honesty, though, I am tired of people taking advantage of me. I am especially tired of those people who drive recklessly and are to blame for needless car wrecks and damages. Deep down, I know I need to do what is best for me and Sara. I am not getting younger, and my grad school bills are pilling up. I can't afford to be left paying for this accident out of my own pocket. One, it's not fair. Two, it's not affordable. I am starting to get paranoid and my sleep at night is for shit.