Book of D: Notoriety: The Crave Versus the Shade

It's no secret that at our U (as at every workplace in the world), if you're in with the right crowd (clique), you're going to get noticed. Everyone here works really hard. I'm not here to protest or contest that matter - as it is just fact: hard work is an occupational expectation at our U. I find it amusing, though, at times when people (not everyone) feel compelled to go overboard in an almost sycophantic manner to garner attention - especially when they are already doing sublime work and getting recognized for it. I guess they just need more attention. At this place, if a certain exec / administrator deems you worthy and has you hanging out with him or her (on- and off-campus) while sharing details on social media, then you are going to have all kinds of attention (good and bad). It doesn't always sit well with others seeing the exec(s) play favorites like that, especially by those who do work hard and never get attention. Overlooking those who work hard, often the behind-the-scenes players, is asking for trouble. It breeds resentment amoung coworkers, which often sets off negative things to happen: rumors, gossip, and story telling. I am too old for the rumor mill, so whenever I hear the gossip and complaining, I make myself scarce. I think a lot of people here have me pegged incorrectly as being anti-social and such, but it is not that at all. I just don't want to hear complaining or canards being said about others. I have already partaken in rumor mills and gossip, and I am old enough to remember being part of water cooler conversations. None of it is good. I was once an immature twenty-something year-old callow minded fool who lacked compassion for others as I heard stories - not knowing if they were real or not, I wantonly spread those vile stories like wildfire just the same. These days, I like to believe that I have matured and am fine not being part of that kind of diatribe, or more like backstabbing because that's what it is since it is done during said person's absence. The place of work has a lot to do with breeding and promoting ill-will and cynicism if negative work culture is not being properly addressed and discouraged (topic for another day, perhaps).

Conversely, none of it (the need for inclusion and notoriety) bothers me as much since I have already had my fair share of commendation and recognition with previous employers. To be honest, I am tired. I just want to help students in this job and retire. If I could retire tomorrow with enough money to travel with my spouse and be financially stable doing so, I would definitely bid adieu to the workplace. However, being introspective, I like to think that my journey and what I have to contribute is not finished yet, and I need to stay until I know I have finished whatever task that might be. I still haven't ruled out obtaining my PhD and/or opening a private counseling practice. For now, I try not to dwell on not being able to retire soon. I actually did retire from two previous jobs; one was through TRA from working at a community college and the former one was through mediation and signing an NDA and non-compete clause / restrictive covenant. I have a TRA at my present job and will fulfill the Rule of 70 in about 13 years, which is not too bad. I always figured on retiring by the time I was 75. If I came into some money soon, that would be a game changer. Again, I am not sure how things will work out once I decide on furthering my education or just completing my training for LPC licensure. All I really know is that I feel badly for cohorts who work hard and seldom or never get recognized for it. It does piss my off to see the same people get recognized, over and over and over. Short of being a pessimist and saying something mundane like "it is what it is," I just don't see how to fix any of that whithout opening up a can of whoopass or pandora's box, and whether it is my place to do so is another query. But I would advise those who feel unappreciated and unrecognized to be patient, keep working hard, stay clear of rumor mills, and stay in the "here and now"; no thinking about tomorrow and "what if." If you can't beat the clique or be part of it, at least don't be part of the shade. Things do change and bad people come and go; moreover, the positive most often supersedes the negative.

Book of D: Melatonin and Nightmares

So once again as I made the 20-minute drive to work, I was enthralled by a Howard Stern episode on Sirius-XM Radio. He was talking about melatonin. He mentioned how it has never worked for him. He even asked his sidekick cohost, Robin Quivers, if she had ever taken melatonin and if so, had it worked for her. Quivers stated that she doesn't think she has ever tried melatonin. Stern said that he has taken about five tablets at a time, but melatonin just doesn't do anything for him. The topic of melatonin came up because of a caller who mentioned how the sleep aid product doesn't do anything for her insomnia. 

I thought about how my insomnia is affected by my moods; therefore, products like melatonin pills are not always the answer for me trying to sleep at night. There is a deeper rooted issue causing my insomnia, so the answer is not going to be simple. Moreover, I recalled from grad school instruction that the brain produces the hormone melatonin as a response to darkness. It coincides with the timing of the circadian rhythms and sleep, which means that getting exposed to light at night can block melatonin production. Consequently, if there is an underlying issue, like with me having anxiety and OCD, the synthetic hormone melatonin is just a band-aid. If it's a natural melatonin OTC, it probably comes from the pineal gland of an animal, which is still a band-aid. I remember the last time I took five melatonin pills, and I did get sleepy but I turned on my cell phone or tv and it completely ruined my ability to get proper sleep and rest. I was a sh¡t show of productivity the entire nextday. I was restless and unable to focus. I was too worried the night before about something (I don't even recall what it was), that it kept me from wanting to let the sleep aid do its job.

Other times, melatonin hasn't worked, but I am certain that I just didn't take enough. Most doctors say it is okay to take between three to five pills at once despite the directions on most melatonin bottles usually recommending only one pill at a time. Besides, taking anything synthetic for too long without a doctor's recommendation and supervision is just asking for trouble. I say always find the source of an issue and deal with that first. Melatonin has worked for me in the past, don't get me wrong. I don't want to be adversarial to those whom are aided by it. But, I do recall having minor effects (i.e. nightmares) when I did consume the sleep aid pills. I didn't take melatonin last night, but it sure did feel like it because I had some pretty awful nightmares. They were the kind that happen as a nightmare within a nightmare. Probably like the nightmares that Steven King has except he has an incredible talent for penning his nightmares and dreams into stories on paper. I wish I had that gift. Anytime I try to write down my dreams and nightmares, my OCD interrupts and I get caught up in spelling, grammar, word definition, syntax, and it just makes what may have been an interesting story turn into something boring like an instruction manual. You see . . . I did it again, I tripped into a tangent and failed to describe the nightmare. Let's just say that the nightmare was upsetting and surreal. In my nightmare last night, a friend died in a fire. I do not know who the friend was, but I was very upset by her death. Yeah, I do remember it was a female friend. My spouse, who was just my friend in the dream - we had not yet started dating, knew about the fire, and instead of coming to tell me about it, she went to her ex. My late mom even made an appearance in the dream. I think Mom was taking everyone else's side over mine. I don't even remember what everyone was arguing about. I just remember waking up with a headache and feeling shaken up. I did rethink the night before to make sure I had not taken melatonin, and I know I didn't. Then, driving to campus this morning for work and listening to Stern's episode about insomnia and melatonin was just too hokey for me. Kismet or serendipity? I don't know.

Book of D: Meghan Markle's Archetypes Podcast (Spotify)

I have been following Meghan Markle's Archetypes podcast on Spotify for a while now. In fact, I recently embedded a link to it below in the footer of this blog. The podcast is really good. I highly recommend it. I also like Mayim Bialik's podcast, Breakdown. ⁠I will have to dedicate a post to Bialik's podcast soon and add a link via my blog (Breakdown also available on YouTube). But for now, I wanted to share brief commentary about Markle's podcast. First, let me start off by saying that I truly adore and admire this beautiful person, Markle. Whatever issues the British monarchy and British press (that I love to rename the "Fleet Street Enema") have with Markle and Prince Harry, well, that's on them. I love them both: #TeamHarryAndMeghan💙💙.

I'm no Tory nor an Anglophile, so matters related to the Brits are null and void with me and the royal family are personas non grata. Markle has been independent and autonomous for a long time and has pretty much marched to the beat of her own drum. She knew fame, wealth, philanthropy, and compassion way before she met Harry; in fact, I would add that it was her who saved Harry. She saved the prince from the antiquated and tyrannical throes and confinements of the Mountbatten-Windsor family. Tangent. My bad. Anyway, Markle's Archetypes hits on important topics that revolve around women's' issues these days. It hints at the misogyny and bigotry still ailing and degrading women (especially centered around BIPOC). When one searches for Markle's podcast, one of the captions associated with the description includes this: "Hosted by Meghan Markle, the podcast Archetypes discusses the labels and tropes that try to hold women back." That, folks, is saying it all in a nutshell. And speaking of nut, aren't you all (women, that is) tired of all the fucking tropes used towards women when men fail to understand us or get too intimidated by us. They use the trope, "nut," as a colorful and condescending way to change the subject and further degrade and stifle us. I am so glad that Markle includes the issue of labels and tropes in her podcast because it is not just patronizing, it is divisive and way overboard with microaggressions and bias. Anyway, my post today was not meant to get into too much detail about any one particular episode of Archetypes, although the one with Serena Williams (a.k.a. the first guest) was really good as was the one with my cousin from another dozen: Mariah Carey. Overall, I just appreciate what Markle is doing with her podcast by giving voice and power to the often muted and powerless. Power on, Meghan Markle. I got your six!

Sidebar Note: Bialik also talks about those "tropes" on her Breakdown episode ("Trauma Brought the Gift of Help") with guest, Anjelah Johnson-Reyes (Yes, that Anjelah from the "Nail Salon" bit fame). 

Book of D: New Office Space with Pics

So, I used my Blogger app to upload pics of my new office. I am happy. Can you tell?!! LOL. This office will eventually become the space for the new Director of Counseling Services - once he/she is hired. The office is a little tired, but it is huge and yet cozy; it just needs to be painted. My supervisor was heedlessly pulling off the "Command" strips that once held my late colleague's personal wall curios, and he managed to pull down some of the paint. Yeah, only he could manage such a feat. 😆

Below are the recliners that belonged to my late colleague who died last November. Rest in peace, Stacie. The recliners were moved to our campus east storage facility. I am waiting on two chairs to replace the recliners. I am making due in the meantime cuz that's how we (Falcons) roll. A sincere "thank you" to Stacie's MOM for donating the recliners to our U! We loved and admired Stacie 💔!

Below are pics of my storage space next door, which bears my name as well because it will eventually become my new office - once it is painted and carpeted. The VP of Student Affairs, who is also the Dean of Students and my supervisor, is sharing this space with me. 

This is my view from my office. Moreover, this is our counseling & psychology practicum ward, which connects, via an oblique manner, to the department of literature and languages and history.

Book of D: Old Memories, New Office, and New Colleagues

Well, the move is official. I am no longer in the Falcon Center (a.k.a. Falcon Zone) on the first floor next to the Falcon Bookstore. I am on the 4th floor in the north wing (in the Counseling hallway). Both the graduate programs, counseling and psychology, facilitate their respective practicum programs within this part of the building; therefore, I'm right smack in the middle of the grind, if you will. I get melancholy walking through the hallway as I remember my stint as a mental health counseling student. Those days were rough, but I learned so much. It was such an arduous process, and I am still not sure how I managed to get through it. I worked fulltime and attended grad school fulltime. There were days that I would be gone from home starting as 7 am till 11 pm because I worked at the university during the day, then I transitioned into grad student at night. The last couple of semesters of practicum and internship were the most grueling, but it has paid off immensely. 

Anyway, suffice it to say, I really like where my office is situated now. I have more interaction with other people, not just in my division, I am close (in proximity) to the professors who are pooled within the department of literature and languages and history, which includes my bestie who is a history prof, Ana; she is just 50 feet from me. So, woo hoo. The other wing on the 4th floor (the south or admin wing) consists of all the executive/senior level administrators (University President, VP, Provost, Chancellor, Dean, Comptroller, Title IX team, etc.), so I am going to get to schmooze, big time with the big wigs. Kidding. Or not. Baby needs a new pair of shoes😄.

Sidebar note: The Wi-Fi has always been somewhat problematic in this building, the Mesa Building (MB), even when I was on the first floor. I think it is because when the MB was first built in the early 70s, the "brutalist" architecture was popular, so our campus, well, our main building where I am situated, was constructed to model that kind of rough aesthetic. The bad thing is the thick concrete walls muddle with our Wi-Fi, but on the bright side, if a tornado comes through, we'll be safe. Hahaha. Knock wood. Funny thing is when I have an attachment to send via text, I have to literally open the door to my office (just a smidge) for the pic or whatever to send; otherwise, I get an error: "message failed to send"! Stupid, yes, this I know, but it's technology and modern or not, it is flawed like most things. When I was on the first floor, I would have to leave the area and walk outside to the Quad to send texts with attachments. Now, I just have to open the door. I usually keep the door open unless I have a Zoom or Teams meeting or training, so the Wi-Fi isn't as brutal, plus, I get to look really "woke" by having an open door to meet with our "open door policies." Cheesy joke, this I also know. I am lucky I don't have worse things to complain about - aside from missing my former colleagues; the ones who moved to the new Center for Student Belonging and Inclusion. However, my new cohorts are really nice. Plus, we have more in common since we all have counseling and psychology in common. 

The other thing I have to get situated, which is also minor, is getting my late coworker's office furniture switched out with my new office furniture. It's weird being in Stacie's office especially using her desk. I had the university moving team bring my chair from my other office, so at least I am not using her chair. The two recliners she personally bought and had in the office were donated by her mom to UTPB. My supervisor had them removed and the moving team took them to the east campus storage facility where they will probably get auctioned off - unless someone else wants them. I am okay with Stacie's desk for now; although it is more utilitarian (drawer files and bins), I am not fond of the executive (bulky) style or beechwood color. The new office furniture that awaits me is walnut and although I am not overtly fanatical of the color, the style does suit me more. It is more modern (minimalist) and comes with an electric standing desk, so I can stand whenever I want to because sitting and being stationary kind of sucks. I'll try to post pictures. I have to get them from my phone to my computer first. Let's see how Mr. Wi-Fi allows that transfer to take place. LOL.

Book of D: The Devil is in the Details

Whether you believe the adage of the same name of today's post or not, there is truth to it. Not everything is black and white. If you look harder and dig deeper, you will often find that things (just like people) are much more complex and enigmatic. Trying to use the K.I.S.S. mantra or even Occam's razor (a.k.a. the principle of parsimony), is not often the key to getting to the root of things because choosing the simplest answer might not always predicate choosing the correct one.

So . . . What does the devil is in the details really mean? No doubt, from a young age your parents and teachers taught you to pay close attention to detail when completing your school assignments. Maybe before every exam they reminded you to read all of the instructions thoroughly, or they drilled it into your brain to always double-check your work. That’s essentially the lesson of this idiom and proverb: Details are important, so be conscientious and pay attention to the small things. TBC ... Unless the details deviate!

Book of D: Navigating Collegiate Life

My niece is a junior at my beloved alma mater, Ŧexas Ŧech University. She is extremely smart. So smart that she doesn't really have to study or try hard, which has gotten her into trouble lately with the dreaded SAP and the grueling appeals that accompany the issue. As a member of the Student Affairs Division at my U, I know first-hand what SAP issues mean and how difficult the issues can be to navigate. If my niece was attending this U, I would immediately instruct her on what she should do, and I would probably be on her like "white on rice" because SAP issues are no laughing matter.

They are serious and if the student does not make an attempt at correcting his or her path, the consequences could become unnecessarily dire. I'll be first to admit that navigating collegiate life is difficult enough when things are going well. There are still complexities that plague college students who are doing well and even for those who are astute, but when you include issues such as SAP or such, the navigating of collegiate life becomes the strife of student life. There are a myriad of rules and laws that govern a public university; the university administrators are governed by a state board and university system and decisions made at the respective collegiate level are not based on any one person's personal opinion; moreover, no one is out to get anyone. No staff or faculty member can use his or her power as a means of getting retribution against any one student - ever! There are several amnesty programs offered by various institutions of higher learning (e.g. academic, alcohol, etc.) because the permanent castigation of a student really is the last thing a university wants to do, and it lends the student a certain kind of sovereignty and power. But, the very autonomy that is given to each student also warrants that the student must remain diligent and aware of everything going on in his or her career. For instance, if the student's degree plan goes rogue and off-course, he/she cannot blame an advisor or other staff or faculty member, it is his or her own problem. There are reasons for university catalogues, and it remains the sole duty of the student to familiarize him/herself with the catalogue which contains detailed requirements set forth by the respective university, per state and federal laws, to obtain the correct courses and number of credit hours. Any other issues the student encounters, such as with my beloved niece and her SAP matters, are just a reminder that life can be harder than it has to be unless we take matters into our own hands to fix them or to prevent them from happening whenever possible - because everything has a solution and most things don't have to breakdown if we are more mindful.

Book of D: The Phenomenology of Otherness and Tribalism

Look up the meaning of each of these words: "otherness" and "tribalism," and you will find the definitions oddly vexing - at least I found them somewhat bothersome. Each word sounds so nice until you dig further into the real meaning. Both words imply a sort of togetherness which mostly paves the way for divisiveness amongst people when separated at their true core.

I did some research for a colleague who helps coordinate events and data for our new Center for Student Belonging and Inclusion, which is why and when I came across the words "otherness" and "tribalism." While conducting the research, I found this PDF (International Encyclopedia of Human Geography, 2008, Elsevier), which penned a myriad of definitions that give way to human "assholeness!" YEUP, I made up that word (assholeness); I can, so I did (make it up). Anyway, this is what it stated: "What is the concept of otherness? . . . Otherness is the result of a discursive process by which a dominant in-group (“Us,” the Self) constructs one or many dominated out-groups (“Them,” Other) by stigmatizing a difference – real or imagined – presented as a negation of identity and thus a motive for potential discrimination" (Staszak, 2008). According to web-based European Center for Populism Studies (ECPS), "Tribalism is a loyalty or preference to one’s own people.

As well as culture, it can apply to politics and sport. Cultural tribalism refers to the subdivision of society in groups who come together by a shared or specific type of thinking or behavior. In popular culture, cultural tribalism may also refer to a way of thinking or behaving in which people are loyal to their social group above all else, or, derogatorily, a type of discrimination or animosity based upon group differences" (2023). Moreover, Sullivan (2017) wrote an article that appeared in the Influencer titled "Can our democracy survive tribalism?" Sullivan stated, "America wasn’t built for humans: tribalism was an urge our Founding Fathers assumed we could overcome. And so it has become our greatest vulnerability" (2017). This is all the psychology 101 basics of the "ingroup versus the outgroup." The them versus us mentality. For example, you get family members together, and yes, it is all nice and heartwarming at first, but if you dig further, the "ingroup/outgroup" theory takes hold, and it's not pretty. Family will stand together and have each others six, per se, but once you delve further into each person's beliefs and such, the hidden problem gives way to ugliness. Auntie Amy might be a republican while uncle Dan is a democrat; you bring them together for a reunion, and everything is fine and the warm fuzzies abound because "it's a family gathering and nothing is more happy than family getting together, right?" Record scratch . . . WRONG! Family is nice and family gatherings can be a joy, but only if you keep your real beliefs and opinions to yourself because that is when otherness and tribalism take hold. You can be my cousin but if you're not voting for MAGA or cheering for the Dallas Cowboys, you're out; you've been ousted and kicked off the proverbial island. You have stopped fitting in, and there is no mercy for you unless you concede your core values in place of theirs.

Book of D: Grieving a Parent

I had a chat with my uncle (in-law) not long ago about death. He lost his mom on Christmas Eve (2022). His ex just lost her mom last week, so it meandered our conversation towards that of death, mainly the death of a parent. The conversation led to me telling my uncle the following: "No, it [pain] doesn't go away. We learn to cope. I think the loss makes us so aware that we move forward in a negative manner. Instead of embracing the people we love more, we learn to fear losing people. There's a difference between appreciating people and being afraid to lose them. It's early, and I haven't had coffee yet, so what the heck do I know. Lol." Like always, I hate to admit, I had to throw in some humor to mask the indifference and melancholia that our conversation was having on me. My uncle was explaining how his ex, Jenny (not her real name), discovered her mom, Connie, had died.

Apparently, Jenny received a call from her aunt who worked for the same school as Jenny's mom in a town not far from Lubbock. Jenny's mom had worked at the school (cafeteria employee and custodian) for many years and was well liked by her coworkers. Jenny's aunt was concerned because Connie had not shown up for work on that Friday morning, which was odd because Connie never missed work. Jenny's aunt had been frantically calling her sister with no luck, so she resorted to making that dreaded call to her niece, Jenny. Jenny drove over almost immediately to her mom's home, but her mom did not answer the door. Jenny broke a window and crawled through only to find that her mom had passed away sometime in the night - sitting down on her favorite recliner. 

When my uncle finished telling me this story, I became extremely downhearted for Jenny and despite not having kept a friendship with her, after she and my uncle broke up, I knew Jenny was inordinately close to her mom and family. I knew the devastation Jenny had to be enduring from losing her mom - especially discovering her like she did. My heart broke for her and her siblings; they were a close-knit family having been brought up by their single mom. I knew Connie but only in passing. I thought about losing my own mom and dad and how several of my friends have lost a parent or both. Regardless of the circumstances, it is never a facile occurrence to lose a parent. I'm referring to the parents who actually deserve to be missed in death; there are some who never should have had children to begin with, but that is a topic for another day. Right now, I am just letting the idea of death simmer in my head (i.e. amygdala) . . . and allowing my heart to inexplicably beat as it needs to do.